Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Matt Johnson You are a SELLOUT

Okay, I don't usually post two manifestos on the same day but my blood is really boiling. People who know me know that I don't like TV very much because of stuff like FoxNews but I do like a lot of shows like Dharma and Greg and Will and Grace and The View and stuff like that plus I watch CNN sometimes but it is so much IN THE TANK to republicans its sick.

Oh and I watch SURVIVOR and DANCING WITH THE STARS and AMERICAN IDLE and a few other shows like all the CSIs and the SOPRANOS and all the Law and Order shows and I watch the OSCARS if they're on.

Oh YAH! I forgot I also watch Buffy the Vampire slayer reruns and STARGATE and I watch just about everything on Animal Planet especially Meercat manner and I watch a lot of TLC shows too. And sometimes I watch some of the cartoons like Kim Possible and I like the Disney channel and I pretty much keep E! going non-stop because I need to stay in touch. But TV is the opiate of the people and almost everything else is just on to teach you to serve the CAPITALIST WAR-MONGERING BUSH ADMINISTRATION.

But I happened to be watching it when a comercial for M&Ms came on and you know what they were playing as theme music? They were playing "This is the Day" by The The. MATT JOHNSON YOU ARE A LOSER! Where is the guy who made a recording with Sinead O'Connor? Where is the guy who came up with the phrase "This is the 51st State of the USA" Where is the hero who stood up to corporate greed, american imperialism, and consumerism? HE SOLD OUT TO A CANDY COMPANY!

Don't you know that M&Ms are making little kids FAT. Have you considered the health costs? Do you know how many packets of M&Ms Keith ate a day? He ate ten king sized bags A DAY. Matt Johnson, you made Keith fat and that's why he is in the hospital right now getting stomach stapling surgery. I thought you were COOL but you are bad and so I am DISINVITING YOU TO MY JULIA ROBERTS FILM FESTIVAL. I'm also burning all my The The CD's. Except of course for Mind Bomb because that's awesome.



Rob said...

Stomach stapling is just another modernist abomination!

RobK said...

But M&M's are really good! Certainly, some exception must be made.

Rob said...


I don't know. Is there a papal encyclical on that somewhere? (sound of shuffling papers) Did Trent speak to that? I'll have to find out.

Che' Lovell said...

Can't you people see that M&M's are the lies of the establishment? I mean sure there all mutli-colored on the outside but on the inside there all the same! Is that the message we want to teach children that underneath we're all the same?!

Skittles I can see an exception but M&Ms NO!

Rob said...

Yes, I understand now. M&M's show us that, while we are all apparently different on the outside, inside we are the same: dark with our burdens of sin!

XXXXXX said...

Mr. Lovell,

I am very interested in meeting with you and having a discussion. It seems that the whole Scientology thing links into our investigation of Curt Kane. I would even buy dinner (organic, of course), just name a time and place.

Agent Smith,
Department of Homeland Security

ps. It would be a good opportunity to return the red backpack that one of my men "found" last month--it has your name and the names of six or so celebrities on it, along with some buttons and patches.

Che' Lovell said...

Hey Agent Smith!

AWESOME! Let's go to the Falafel hut tomorrow night. I'm supposed to pick up another load of green tea from Keith's mountain buddies but I can do that earlier in teh afternoon... so I can swing by right after that. Or even better, if we meet like around 3, maybe you could give me a ride over to Crossville. We usually meet at the McDonalds on 70 just off I-40

I've got like a million things to tell you you wouldn't believe about Scientology. But I never really met that Kane guy except from a distance when Keith dropped down from one of those black helicopters.


XXXXXX said...

That conversation was most enlightening, Mr. Lovell. I will pass on the Scientology information to the agent who is keeping tabs on Tom Cruise (I think that from what you were saying, Mr. Cruise has been infected by the body cretins).

I am not at liberty to discuss the Curt Kane/Scientology connection, but I can assure you that the information you gave was very helpful.

Agent Smith

Che' Lovell said...

Hey Agent Smith,

You are welcome! I was glad i could help. Make sure you say hi for me to all those people I gave you names and numbers and last known addresses of especially John Travolta and Albert Pimsbottom. You know Keith was so wrong about you guys in black suits and sunglasses and stuff, you really seemed like somebody I could trust. Its cool how you were so interested in the Hugo Chavez brigade and all my militant enviromental activist friends. I mean, for a republican you seem really open minded.

Anyway, I'll let you know how my meeting with the ALF people go and I'll makes sure I get lots of business cards and things like you said.