WAKE UP! BROTHERS AND SISTERS OF THE SPIRIT OF VATICAN II! ARISE AND CAST OFF YOUR CHAINS!
THE EARTH GROANS BENEATH US, DESPOILED OF PRECIOUS LIFEBLOOD THAT WE IN OUR FOLLY CALL OIL. THE TREES ARE BENT DOWN UNDER A FALL OF ACID RAIN. THE OZONE HOLE GROWS WITH EACH HOUR. EARTHQUAKES, TSUNAMIS, FLOODS, DROUGHT, ALL ARE THE WEAPONS WITH WHICH EARTH SEEKS TO DEFEND HERSELF AGAINST OUR UNENDING ONSLAUGHT.
As this is my first homily as your interim associate pastor and leader of the revolutionary junta, I would like to thank all of you for the warm welcome I received here. I would most like to thank Fr. Plarvik for inviting me and the Brothers of Love to join you here during this historic time. As you can see, in a very short period, we have transformed this faith community from a directionless group of "catholics" into a guided missile that is pointed right at the heart of the industrial-military complex and the OIL BARONS WITH THEIR MONOPOLISTIC EXPLOITATION OF THE WORKERS!
CAN YOU SIT SILENTLY IN YOUR PEWS AND LISTEN AS THE EARTH SCREAMS? CAN YOU LOOK ASIDE AS A SINGLE DAISY IS GROUND INTO THE EARTH BY THE JACK-BOOT OF A BROWN-SHIRTED ENGINEER?
Now, many of you have asked how long I and the Brothers will be here at Spirit of Vatican II, and I have to say that I do not know. The simple answer is "as long as it takes."
Even now, while I preach this homily, several members of the former administration have left our campus and are allying themselves with those who, contrary to the Spirit of Vatican II for which this faith community is named, drag us back into the dark ages of oppression, recession, and succession. So today, as you contemplate the ways in which the Spirit calls on you, I ask you to consider, what more could you be doing for your faith community? Ask not what your faith community can do for you, ask what you must do for your faith community.
For example, suppose you are a retired couple with no children at home. And you live in a big house in Sterchi Hills. Why not sell that house, give the proceeds to us, and then move into the dormitory here on campus? What dormitory, you ask? Why, the dormitory that will be built directly behind the Contemplation Temple. This dormitory, to be known as "Keith Hall" after a martyred parishioner, will be built by hand using only environmentally sound and ecologically friendly methods. In fact, "built" is an inappropriate word, since it will actually be "dug." That's right - we're going to dig a series of tunnels and caves below the campus, much like the labyrinths of Rome. Only, unlike those distant ancestors who turned their backs on paganism in favor of a misleading and deformed faith, we will use those tunnels to nestle into the bosom of the earth.
So if you are young, with a family, then I don't ask you to sell your house and give us the money. Rather, I ask you to leave your job, and come here to campus to help us dig downward to the future.
For those of you who are aged or infirm, and who do not have a house to give, I ask you to consider what you bring to the faith community. What is it that you bring? Or perhaps, all you do is take. Perhaps all you do is have a carbon and water footprint that detracts from all. Perhaps it is time for you to consider the dignity of your life. How much dignity do you have nowadays? How long before you have none left. Are you going to hang on until then? These are the questions that you have to ask yourself, and while you are doing so, please consider giving generously in your will to the Spirit of Vatican II.
Thank you for your attention. There will be a presentation later in the day at the Contemplation Temple, which will describe in detail the emergency measures put in place to help you through this crisis. All parishioners are required to attend.
Gore Be With You