Hey everybody! You won't believe what anAWESOME time I'm having. I'm not sure whether it was the mushrooms or the Keith's green tea soda but I was kind of dazed there last week. Anyway, I seem to remember being hauled away and put into a van and taken someplace and a bunch of guys in black robes. And I also remember some sort of chanting, and then all of a sudden there was all this other confusion and things and some other people were hauling me away in a helicopter and all of a sudden I was on a VOLCANIC island. It was cool.
Like you know I've been pretty depressed about Curtis my mouse and Keith being abducted by aliens and all this mix up with Father Juno and whether chicken wings were meat and stuff like that. Well they put me in this cell with this really cool guy named Albert and we start talking about stuff. Hold on. If you're a scientologist don't read this next stuff because it might make your head explode I'M NOT KIDDING! They told me not to tell anybody who is less that OT XXX but since I don't think any of you are scientologists I thinks its okay. Anyway, they hook me up to a machine and it turns out that I am Thetan free. You know most people have something like 2,396 thetans who are messing with them all the time, but I DON'T. Not a single Thetan. For some reason the thetans missed me. So the next thing you know Albert introduces me to Tom Cruise and John Travolta BOTH AT THE SAME TIME and I'm so mad I don't have my back pack with me because I could get their autgraph. I mean how many times do you see two BIG TIME Hollywood actors. Anyway, they are like jealous of me because I don't have to wait in line to find out what's in the manila envelope or pay a bunch of money but just go ahead and get it right away. And this Albert guy takes me to this room and opens the door and I get to go inside and IN YOUR FACE TOM CRUISE! You have to stay outside YOU LOSER!
So I go inside and (don't read this if your a scientologist because your head will explode) I see this really cool room. And in the middle of the room there's L. Ron Hubbard's brain in this green fluid and bubbles coming out of the bottom and there's a lap top hooked up and ther'e this voice that says "Welcome to OT XXX" and he says it in roman numerals which is cool. It turns out its L. Ron Hubbard's brain talking. Anyway there's all these scientists all arguing and pointing (I drew a picture) and mad except one who is smiling and not paying attention to me. And Albert starts yelling too so I walk up and look at the brain. It had eyes still attached and the eyes kind of floated over and looked at me. It seemed kind of cool so I decided while no one was watching and kind of reach in and touch it. It was slimy and stuff. And the voice said "DON'T TOUCH ME! YOU MAY HAVE GERMS" and that's probably true because I hadn't washed my hands. So all the scientists started yelling at me.
But because I'm THETAN FREE they want me to stay and they even gave me a computer but I wasn't supposed to say anything. But I'm thinking who reads this but Father Tim and Father Juno and Maryann and Todd and Britnee and Sister Fairah and that Adoro person and maybe a few other people or something.
Anyway, a lot more stuff happened but I have to run because I'm supposed to commune with Hubabrd's brain or something and translate all sorts of weird stuff, like GIBBERT ACH BLUFOOX XENU CRIMB PLOOP. But I just make stuff up and they believe me. ITS AWESOME.
Hope everythings cool with you.