Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Hey Everybody!

Hey! What a blast Solstice was. Kerri and I had a really cool time hanging with Tom Cruise and Katie. You wouldn't believe all the stuff Kerri and Tom had to talk about. I'm glad he is married already to Katie because I know that Kerri is pretty much his type. Kerri says that she thinks Scientology is pretty neat because it is so well organized but since she would have to move in at the ground floor she would happier thinking up her own scheme. I told her that I could probably help her get to OT XXX right away but she said it was going to be too much trouble.

Anyway we did get a chance to stop in at a church near Hollywood on Christmas Eve. It was really crowded so we left early.

Anyway, Kerri says that she likes Christmas in Europe a lot better because it is completely non-religious and stuff. She says basically it is just a time to exchange presents and eat a lot of food and nobody feels guilty or anything.

Anyway, I got Keri a new tennis anklet. My dad loaned me the money and stuff which is cool because I know a lot of people don't know this but diamonds are made out of carbon so that it's like buying $25,000 in carbon offsets.

Anyway, I hope nothing happened to Todd. Nobody answered the phone when I called.

See ya!

Che'

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Arrests!

Seasons Greetings! (The government does not permit me to use the "C" word because it might offend some people)

I finally got the go-ahead from my superiors to make some arrests with the growing tensions at SOV2--today I arrested some of the most violent demonstrators from the remaining groups in the parking lots. Dr. al-Fakkir was not too happy when I arrested the Palestinian ringleader, but he seemed to be more cooperative when I arrested one of the rationalists and one of the Mexican demonstrators too (Actually the most violent was the rationalist demonstrator). I have told the remaining members that they can remain where they are as long as they don't get violent.

There will be some follow-up paperwork, however; don't be alarmed if teams of agents come around to interview the witnesses about what happened during the rioting stage.

Agent Smith

P.S. Agent Jones, I would like you to keep an eye on the parking lot--I need to make a report to the top brass in DC and I leave tomorrow.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Joyous News

I'm sure everyone has been wondering where I've been. Sorry for the secrecy, but there was a special gathering of Gorbertines. I'm still not at liberty to tell where. But it was a most joyous occassion. Based on the current push to force the patriarchal oppressors in Rome to accept Woman Priests, we in the Gorbertine order have taken a giant leap for all syblyngs. In this time of horror of our fellow tree syblyngs where they are forced from their homes and dressed ridiculously and tortured with burning lights, tinsel and small quantities of water we Gorbertines have ordained a syblyng tree as priest. Fellow syblyngs I give you Fr. Aspen surrounded by his deacons....


Fr. Aspen


Obviously we're keeping the location secret as there's nothing the Reagan-Ratzingerist Cabal would like better than to chop down Fr. Aspen and make him into pages for their outlawed missals of the forbidden mass.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

On Retreat

Hey everybody! Guess what! I got a chance to go on retreat this weekend and to stay over the Christmas holiday at the Glenmaryknoll Retreat House. This is great because next to Easter, Christmas is the biggest pain in the butt for me, with all the masses and all the people who normally don't come to church showing up and wanting things.

Anyway, Kip will be taking care of all the masses and things while I'm gone. Before I go, a little business:

1. Ché - tell Todd to start being church and stop his moping. If that doesn't work, call Fr. Juno. Oh, and have fun in Vale. Say hi to Ed Begley Jr. while you're there.

2. Gorebertines - you have the run of the rectory while I'm gone, but please DON'T GO INTO THE WEST WING! IT'S FORBIDDEN!

3. Ngyuen - see if you can set up my new Dell laptop - I haven't been able to get it to work.

4. Clyde - I insist that you stop seeing Mizz Argot. You're paid to clean up messes, not make them!

I think that's all the details. OCP will pretty much take care of the faith community while I'm gone. Have a joyous solstice!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

This OCP thing

Hey Father Tim!

Okay at first I was like okay with this whole thing with the OCP and stuff because I basically didn't understand it or anything. But Todd Turk shows up at our apartment. Not the one in London Towne which is where Keith is still hanging out but our new one at Campus Pointe. I mean Kerri has like spent a lot of money making it look nice and stuff so we can't have Keith over here. Kerri is AWESOME because she really knows what goes with what and she is all about good taste not like some of the other girls I used to date. I mean pretty much anything she says is always right.

Anyway Todd Turk is practically suicidal because he lost his job and Kerri is like "throw him out, remember how mean he was all the time because he made fun of you" and I was like "yah! but he's still a person and stuff" and she said "whatever" and stuff. So I let him in and he kind of collapsesin the living room on the genuine antique Afghan rug. I mean, and he smells like really cheap coffee a lot. I mean a whole lot. Because we only get our coffee from this internet place which gets it direct from Columbia and it's a lot better than what you can get someplace else because Kerri knows all these things.

Anyway, the Todd is all crying all the time and he's so greatfull and stuff but he keeps saying he's going to kill himself and then he drank all our coffee. And anyway, we're supposed to head out this weekend back to Vail to ski some more and I wonder about letting him stay here because he may actually kill himself and then the place might smell bad when we get back.

Che'

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

New OCP Dress Code

Hey everybody! Kip wanted me to rush out this announcement so that everybody has time to get ready for the big Christmas celebrations. First off, here is the Christmas mass schedule:

Christmas Eve:
  • 4:00 pm: Children's Mass
  • 5:30 pm: Youth Mass
  • 7:00 pm: Pet Mass
  • 8:30 pm: Mexican Mass
  • 9:45 pm: Mexican Youth Mass
Christmas Day:
  • 12:00 am: Midnight Ecumenical Mass (with Al-Hasqa Mosque)
  • 11:00 am: Christmas Day Mass
Whew! Now that that's over with, I have to tell you about a new policy. Apparently the OCP requires that, in order to conform to their liturgical guide, all faith communicants adhere to the dress code associated with the particular liturgical format of the mass that they're going to. Starting after Christmas, we're going to be having three different mass types:
  • One with the Spirit: This is a casual mass - let your hair down!
  • Burning with the Spirit: This is very similar to our current progressive mass
  • That Old Tyme Faithe: This is new to SOV2, it's a sort of traditional mass
Now, I know what some of you are thinking: "A traddie mass at SOV2!?" Well, I wasn't super happy about it either, but apparently OCP has done some studies and they think we can maximize our revenues by appealing to some of the traddie types, while luring them into a more progressive spirituality. So what the heck! I may have to bring Fr. Juno in to do some of the parts of the mass that I've forgotten how to do.

So, like I said, the OCP requires that in order to have a valid mass, the faith communicants must adhere to the dress code stipulated by the OCP liturgical guide. The following outfits are approved by OCP and can be purchased at their on-line site. The new OCP ushers will not let anybody into the worship space who doesn't conform to the new policy. So without further ado, in popular men's & womyn's styles, here are the new clothes you have to wear.

Old Tyme Faithe (traditional):

Burning for Change (progressive):

Moved by the Spirit (casual):

Some Changes at SOV2

Hey everybody! Well, how do you like the new look of the 'blog? Our good friend Mr. Kip Struthers of the OCP told us that our 'blog was noncompliant with the style standards maintained by the OCP, so we had to change it to the way they think it should look. I kind of liked the old look, but since we're getting such a big discount on our bulletins and missals, we really have to go with the whole program.

On a related note, we've had to fire Todd Turk. While he was a super Liturgical Music Minister, he wasn't able to complete the OCP's rigorous training, and thus wasn't certified. Since under the terms of our contract with the OCP we have to have a certified music minister, we've replaced Todd with a Kareoke machine that OCP sold us at a very reasonable price. This is really a load off of our weekly liturgical planning meetings, since now we can use the preprogrammed liturgical plans that OCP provides us.

Also, I really should let you know that Kip will be concelebrating the masses with me so that he can get a feel for our liturgical rhythms. So don't mind him! He's a validly certified deacon with the OCP and can perform all the sacraments except foot-washing.

More later - I've got to run as I have a teleconference with Oregon and they get really mad if I'm late.

Peace out!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Kerri's response.

Hey! Kerri jotted down her responses. She kind of talks funny like this sometimes and it sounds really mean and stuff but she is really nice. you have to hang out with us sometime to really appreciate her and stuff. She is teaching me a lot.

Section 1. Beliefs:

I only believe in myself and my ability with my rational mind to arrive at the objective truth concerning the nature of the universe.

Section 2. Values:
Since the universe is arbitrary and hence without cause or purpose what is essential is not what it or some imaginary being intends for me but what I intend to do with it. I must regard myself honestly and objectively. Virtue consists in maintaining my independence. To that purpose it is only in enlightening my mind and maintaining a healthy body that I can speak of good.

In regards to others and their perverse actions, to the degree they are like the irrational beasts governing themselves towards feelings and emotions which are products of subconscious thought, they may be disregarded as beneath my notice. Otherwise, the relation between rational men should be based only on contractual ethics.

Section 3. Faith:
Faith is a delusion and a crutch for the week-minded. Ultimately salvation lies only in knowledge, awareness, and in independence. It is enough for me that I lived well and with dignity.

Pre Canaanite Compatibility Test

Hey Ché, I keep forgetting about this Pre-Canaanite test that the Vatican wants us to start doing. Actually, we're about to sign up for a test that is administered by the Oregon Catholic Press, so you're the last person to have to go through this with our SOV2 test. Since I already know you really well, you just have to get Kerry to take the test and send us the results so that we can tell you if you're allowed to get hitched. So here's our test:

Section 1. Beliefs:
  1. Many peoples believe there's some sort of supernatural spirit that runs things. Circle the one you most agree with:
  • I believe in God - he has a white beard and is a male
  • I believe in the Spirit
  • I believe in one Darwin, the discoverer of Truth, the finder of Evolution. I believe in one Dawkins, only son of the Darwin, eternally begotten of the meme. I believe in the Hitchens, who proceeds from the Darwin and the Dawkins. With the Darwin and the Dawkins he is worshiped and glorified.
  • I don't believe in anything
  • I don't believe in anything except that whatever you believe is wrong
Section 2. Values:

  1. We live in a pluralistic world with many cultures and valid life choices. Circle the statements that you agree with, and cross a line through those you disagree with:
  • Everybody's got to do their own thing
  • People have to do what I tell them to do
  • Womyn have the right to terminated unwanted pregnancies
  • Men should be able to tell Women what to do with their bodies
  • This country would be better off run by Womyn
  • A Woman's place is in the home
  • Children should be raised by the civil authorities, if at all
  • I want my children to refuse medical treatment and die
  • It is fun to have lots of anonymous sexual partners
  • You go to hell if you have sex
  • Same-sex attraction should be encouraged
  • I want to kill all queers
Section 3. Faith:
  1. We live in a pluralistic world with many faiths and valid faith choices. Circle the statements that you agree with, and cross a line through those you disagree with:
  • The Catholic Church is an evil oligarchical patriarchical institution of oppression
  • If you're not Catholic, you're going to hell
  • I want my children to be altar boys/girls
  • The only good thing about my kids being altar servers is that they would get a chance to validly explore their sexuality with a Womynpriest
  • I believe in transubstantiation (the thing about body & blood & bread & wine)
  • I'm partial to crackers and grape juice served in clay goblets made by 3rd graders
  • A church building should look like a church, steeple & all!
  • Any liturgical interior is equally valid. What's important is a comfortable and welcoming community center.
  • I will force my family to wear suits and dresses to mass
  • I once attended mass in a "Free-Tibet" thong

Monday, December 10, 2007

Congratulations Che!

I'm so happy that you, too, have found your soul mate! I hope you & Kerri are as happy as BD & I.

Also, please let me extend an apology to all SOV2iers. I've been so devastated by the oppression happening to the WomynPrysts in St. Louis (of course, they are holding strong & refusing to accept such unilateral, misogynist treatment, but still, it's distressing), and so caught up in my prison ministry and, well, my own personal happiness that I haven't been around much. Please be assured that I will not neglect my duties in future!

Dym Tym, BD has mentioned that he & his brothers have many opportunities that could help generate cash for the Faith Community; they only need the space & privacy to pursue them, for which the rectory would be perfect. He says don't worry about them getting through the parking lots, as he & "the guys" could easily set up ramps & jump their hogs over the blockades.

Update...

I talked to the Knoxville police yesterday--they don't want to come anywhere near the grounds of SOV2. The chief said that they get about 30-50 calls to dispatch daily complaining about this community--a note to the neighbors: there wont be any arrests for disturbing of the peace; at least not yet. My superiors have not given me permission yet to move in and break up the situation, so things will stand as they are for the time being.

Agent Smith

Carbon Offsets 4 Sale

Hey!

I am always amazed by my fiancee's Kerri's business sense. She is really smart which is why I totally love her absolutely 100%. She is so cool. But to be honest Kerri maybe hasn't always cared about environmental stewardship as much as I have and so we've been talking and she decided that maybe we could work together and find away of combing SOCIAL CONCERN and FIRMLY SOUND ECONOMIC PRINCIPLES. So she has decided to help people who want to be GREEN.

Anyway if you remember a while back I was selling SOV2 trees? Well this is like taking SOV2 trees to a new level. Kerri has taken some of her money and founded a research lab: The Albert Gore Junior Center for Really Awesome Green Energy Research. I named part of it. Basically the way it works is that it is going to solve all the energy problems by producing energy from sunlight, wind, rain, tides, geothermal, and carbon free biofuels like methanol but NOT NUCLEAR.

Anyway as you know right now you and your SUVs are producing something like 5000 million tons of CO2 a year. Divide that by 6 billion or so people and... wait let me get my calculator... Hey Kerri! Whats 5000 million divided by 6 billion? Oh yah. Thanks! Anyway basically you produce about a ton of CO2 a year because you don't care about the environment. If you are an American multiply that by 5 because you are fat and lazy and watch too much TV. If you are canadian multiply by 2 because you store your beer in some old refridgerator. Anyway, that's your Carbon footprint.

So, the research lab is going to eliminate all that. We estimate its going to cost us something like 75 trillion dollars. Now if you take the 75 trillion dollars and divide by 5000 million you will find that... wait... okay... here it is 25,000 dolars per ton of CO2. Okay, so basically that's what it's going to cost per person on Earth too. Anyway, I know it's like really hard for a lot of you to do math because you aren't trained scientists like me and Al Gore and stuff but what I am saying is that if you are an American you owe me 125,000 and if you are Canadian you owe me 250,000.

And don't think I am thinking I am somehow above making environmental sacrifices. I am going to be CEO and pay myself a really reasonable salary of 500,000. Half of that I am going to donate to my own company. So I am only going to make 250,000 a year which is really cheep for a CEO.

Che'

Friday, December 7, 2007

Sideline Warning!

This is for the groups located in the parking lots now--I am giving you a warning. Stop the rioting before something bad happens.

Agent Smith

I'm getting married!

Hey! I popped the question and Kerri said yes! I am so really excited now. Basically I just came down the double black diamond on my ski board after my Dad's helicopter had dropped us off and she was right behind me so I wiped out on purpose and she landed on top of me and we were all tangled up and stuff and that's when I told her I wanted her to be my double diamond forever and so I gave her a five carat perfect diamond engaagement ring set in emeralds and stuff. I don't know much about that kind of thing but my dad wanted me to giver her that because he is so much for me settling down and stuff. She looked awesome in her pink Dior skiing miniskirt and the pink ski beret I designed. I am hoping Pucci who is awesome will pick up on the ski berets I make which have give you a South American feel ebcause thay have AWESOEM slopes in the Andes that a lot of people don't know about but I skiied as a kid on vacation with my dad when he was going to Argenina a lot.

Anyway, since she wants an outdoor wedding, my dad is going to fly everybody out to Bali on his companies private jet and write it off as a business expense. Father Tim we are hoping you will come and officiate. I also hope I meet some of the U.N. Then we are going to a private Safari honeymoon in Zimbabwe.

Che'

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Support SOV2

Hey everybody! Well, as you may know, SOV2 has fallen on hard financial times. While we have been saving a lot of $$$ by getting discounts from OCP for our hymnals and bulletins, some of the "ancillary" costs have really been eating into our collection. The certification training for our ushers was very expensive, and the special audits that OCP provides aren't cheap either. Also, to be compliant to the OCP's rigorous musical standards, we had to hire a number of local musicians to supplement Todd's various choirs. To cap it all off, it's very expensive to feed all those Palestinians and Undocumented Guest Workers who are living on the SOV2 campus. I wish that whole loaves & fishes thing would work for me! (I tried it earlier, but sure enough, there was still only one fish and five loaves).

The last straw is that Dr. Argot is getting a divorce from Mz. Argot, who as you may know, was one of our local TV news personalities before she hooked up with our benefactor. Apparently Mz. Argot was having some sort of affair with Clyde Hummins, our groundskeeper. But that might just be a rumor, and even if it is true, you can't blame Clyde. I mean, have you seen Mz Argot? Hubba hubba! Anyway, Dr. Argot is a little upset with SOV2 right now, even though I already approved his annulment. So I'm a little nervous about approaching him for money. So anyway, I would like you to consider starting something called "tripletithing", where you basically give 30% of your aftertax earnings to SOV2. This is an investment in your future, people!

We're going all out to save costs as well. I've retained a consultant from OCP to help us manage our finances. I had to drain the $100k out of our rainy day fund to pay the consultant fee, but I'm sure that they will be able to help us get back on a firm financial footing. Also, we're doing some fundraisers. This month, we will begin selling a line of clothes featuring famous catholics. There's an image below of the first feature, which is called "Hugoroos." Please purchase several pairs - they're only $17.99 each. Thanks for your support!

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

We are a Faith Community

Hey! Kerri wrote this song for us after I just told her a little bit about us. She said writing it really cheered her up which I am pretty sure that means that she is starting to get the SOV2 spirit. I think it's pretty cool because she left the church a while ago.

We are a Faith Community
by Kerri Erpenblech

I am church and so are you
I am priest and priestess too
Sharing the eu-char-ist's that's me,
According to our self's ab-il-i-ty,

Around our campus community,
You'll find signs of our diversity!
With each banner that proclaims,
The great Feminist Thinkers' names!

(Refrain)
We are a Faith Community
I'll facilitate you, you'll facilitate me!
'Cause we're on a spiritual journey!
So sing a song of harmonious melody!

Let's respect other's dignity,
In a way that's sure to please,
Teaching the children to adore,
The variety of forms of love in store.

(Refrain)

We'll do our parts to steward the Earth,
Do what we can to reduce births,
Eating only granola and soy,
We'll sing our Mother's praise with joy.

(Refrain)

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Parking Lot

Hey everybody! I'd like to take a minute or two to give you some advance info on how to get into the worship space next Sunday, given all the problems with the parking lots.

As you know, the Southeast Parking Lot has been completely occupied by Chief Nils Larssen and his Natyve Amerycans, and Dr. Al-Fakkir's Palestinian refugee friends have completely ringed the parking lot with the burning tire fire, so basically, you can't get to SOV2 from Spirit Lane. You'll have to come up Dry Gap Pike to the Northwest Parking Lot. As you know, we still haven't repaired the trench that the Hugo Chavez battalion dug when Fr. Kane was here, so only those SOViers with SUV's will be able to make it through. Why not be church to one another and give another faith communicant a ride to SOV2 this Sunday?

Some of you may be tempted to park on the Southwest lawn. I strongly encourage you not to do this. Last weekend, we offered SOV2 to be sanctuary to some undocumented immigrants, and now they are camped on the Southwest Lawn to mount their protest to their right to live in the Parking Lot:

Monday, December 3, 2007

Meme response

Hey!

Sorry I haven't been around much. Kerri and I have been looking for matching snow board outfits for our trip to Vale and there is no selection at all in Knoxville so we went up to Burlington Vermont to see what they had. Plus Kerri has had to talk to the FBI agents like fifteen times about the trust fund. Basically she's allowed to keep all the money as long as she testifies against her folks at the grand jury hearing next week. I mean, she is a bit upset and all but not so much because she didn't like them either.

Anyway, here are eight random facts about me:

1. I punched Sean Penn by accident once
2. I killed L. Ron Hubbards brain by accident with germs
3. I don't have any body thetans at all
4. My favorite movie star is Julia Roberts
5. I designed a special Beret you can wear in the shower
6. I probably know more about Economo-Socio-Political-Feminist-Ideological-Enviro-Activisim than anybody else
7. I own one of the only existing copies of Fungoids by Enoch Soames
8. In fourth grade I one my class spelling bea

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Meme

Hey! I got "tagged" for another "meme"... this time by Therese at Aussie Coffee Shop. Here goes...
First of all, the "rules"

....Here's what you do:~Each person starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves and post these guidelines. ~At the end of the post, choose 8 people to be tagged and list their names.~Don't forget to leave a comment telling them that they are tagged and to read your blog. Have fun!

  1. I performed the wedding for Art Garfunkle's cousin Clevis Garfunkle
  2. Before I became a "priest", I was an amateur cave-bat enthusiast
  3. I own a number of crystals & have a pewter dragon collection
  4. I currently drive a Cadillac Escalade
  5. I am allergic to unleavened bread
  6. When I was 7, I was a children's underwear model for the Dayton/Hudson Department Stores
  7. I know all the words to "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights"
  8. I am addicted to Vegemite & Jaffas (not together!)
I now "tag" the following 'bloggers:

  1. Adrienne at Adrienne's Catholic Corner
  2. Eegahinc at B Movie Catechism
  3. Paul at Thoughts of a Regular Guy
  4. Fr Chad at SSLI
  5. Ché
  6. Ma Beck at Ward Wide Web
  7. Chief Nils Larssen (wherever you are)
  8. Stephanie at Digital Hairshirt
Most of these 'bloggers were "tagged" because I know how much the hate the word "meme" that my friend Dick Dawkins invented. Except for Ché, who loves "memes."

Saturday, December 1, 2007

What's going on?

Hey!  Everybody chill out.  I am really against all this "this is my land" stuff.  Can't we just find common ground?  Now, I completely support Dr. Al-fakkir's plan to use the parking lot as a refugee camp for palestinian refugees, but the tire burning was uncalled for. 

It really disrupted the tour we were giving to some people from the Oregon Catholic Press.  Let me tell you, they were very disappointed, and if we don't make a good impression on them, we might not get the 17% discount on the new choir they're sending us.  Scenes like this aren't very helpful:


Noise!

I fell asleep in my office last night after finishing up on some paperwork, and I was having this great dream--I was in on the arrest of the century; we had done all the legwork and were about to bust through the door and make the arrest, when I woke up to the sound of an awful racket. I looked out my window facing the parking lot at the SOV2 community, and there were two groups trying to "outsing" each other. Some were dressed in loincloth and chanting very loudly. They had some rough looking tents up--maybe made of some kind of leather, and they were dancing around a roasted deer over a campfire. The second group was standing at the edge of some barrier that was set up and singing some of Fr. Tim's favorite songs. I went out to the barrier and asked someone who they were, and they answered that they were the "Oh sea pea."

I also spotted Dr. al-Fakkir behind the barrier, but I don't think that he was singing at all--just staring at the dancers.

Agent Smith

Friday, November 30, 2007

Detestable Pig Dogs!


Hello to you and peace be upon you. This is my first comment in many days. It is with great wrath that I now post, for I have found that the parking lot of this place of Christian gathering has been unjustly and unlawfully seized by the heathen natives who defile what is properly the land of the displaced peoples of Palestine. I scorn these new invaders. They will be driven into the sea and the gutters will seethe red with the blood of their livers. We will not rest until their children's children's children are slain by the grandsons of our grandsons and the parking lot becomes once more a home to the serene and peaceful Palestinians who are its rightful denizens. the earth does not belong to us! It belongs to Allah!

Winter Solstice Gift Giving

To celebrate the upcoming Winter Solstice gift giving season I was talking with Dr. Al-fakkir asking what he would like. He has requested quite a few of the following from Amazondotcom

http://www.amazon.com/Uranium-Ore/dp/B000796XXM


So come on people and let's help our syblyng with the true spyryt of the Solstice.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Funny Conspiracy Theory...

Che told me this great conspiracy theory today that he heard in an environmental meeting that he had on one of their island stops. (I hope you didn't really believe it, Che--I kinda saw you look a little upset when I laughed, but I thought that maybe is was because you hadn't gotten to the punchline yet). Apparently some people believe that the US is purposely melting the icecaps with global warming so that they can track Santa more easily.

Back in Knoxville

Hey!

I'm back in Knoxville again. It has been a really exciting trip! We didn't get to spend much time on the beach or anything but we got to meet a lot of people like I wanted. For example, while we were being detained in Miami I got to meet a lot of people trying to flee the American Health Care system by escaping to Cuba. I feel really sorry for them because basically there only chance was to make a boat out of stuff like cardboard and jump in the water off the coast of Florida and hope the wind blew them to Havana. But a lot of them are picked up by the coast guard and sent back to the United States. I wish I could speak Spanish and I am going to get one of those tapes you listen to in the car so I can really empathize with them more. I know they would be really interested to know about people like Che Guevara and Fidel Castro and all the wonderful things they did for the Cuban people and Hugo Chavez who is a real freedom fighter.

Anyway I'll try and be around SOV2 a little more this week. I have some really important shopping to do for the "Feast of the Undying Sun" which is coming up on December 25th. And I have a big surprise which a lot of people are going to be really excited about.

See Ya!
Che'

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Hooray For Us!

Hey!  we've just surpassed 20,000 "hits" on this 'blog (in your face, Curt Jester!)

Anyway, as is our custom here, I am declaring a plenary indulgence for all SOViers to celebrate this momentous event. Hooray!

Let's put this in perspective! 20,000 is:
  • The number of people who voted for Ralph Nader for president
  • The number of Carbon Offset Tons purchased by the entire Gore family (per month)
  • The number of millimeters covered by Ed Begley's car after a 14 hour charge
  • The number of Marty Haugen's sons in the latest Breaking Bread
  • The number of womyn per second who are silenced by the Vatican
  • The number of Rights in the UN Declaration of Human Rights (my favorite is the Right to Quality Cheese)
  • Carl Sagan's SAT score
  • The number of Natyve Amerycans inhabiting our parking lot
Isn't that cool!  Hooray for us!  20,000 "hits"!

Monday, November 26, 2007

More radtradyism found on the internetweb

More sites have been reported by loyal vigilantes of the Spirit. Please note the following additions to the Listo:

Exultet: C, NLU, POD, T
The Happy Catholic: IT, NLU,POD
A Plumbline in the Wind: C, NLU, POD
Video meliora, proboque; Deteriora sequor: F, CF, IT, R


Agent Smith can't the government do something about all of this radtradyism on the net. I'm sure it makes the government look bad especially to our syblyngs in the Middle East and Europe. Not only have the sites above been found, but I found the following graphic below that was just on an internetwebpage out in the open where anyone could see it. Think of the children. Aren't we trying to fight rampant consumption during this time of the winter solstice? And it's obvious that's what this graphic is celebrating...



And in response to live up to my personal motto of batali fajron per fajro I present the following graphic. Remember to keep up the good struggle.

Confused

Hey!

Well, we are back in America again and I can't say I am all that thrilled. This is what happened. Apparently Nate managed to take control of the yacht and sailed it back into Miami last night so when we woke up there were all these people who look like Agent Smith on board. I men they were pretty poilte and everything but they took me into this room and starting asking me questions about my dad and how he made all his money and stuff. I must have been able to answer all there questions and stuff and when I started talking about Fidel Castro, Harry Bellafonte, L. Ron Hubbard and Tom Cruise I think they realized who they were dealing with and stuff and so this other guy walked in and said that I was part of special secret project Adam's Apple which was something Agent Smith said to me one time. It also has something to with this tattoo I got of Hugo Chavez's mom on my arm.

Anyway, I think most of these guys are part of the establishment and are all trained to opress peoples but most of them are nice and listen a lot when I tell them about all the people I meet and what they say and so I think I am really starting to get to them. The werid thing was they wanted to know also about the alien spacecraft that we saw and then they told me not to talk about it. I mean, this is my second time I have been in contact with alien life forces and stuff and they never say anything all that interesting. I mean one time they were all like saying things about Quantum Flux Propulsion and handing me all these diagrams for Fusion Reactors. If anybody wants one of those by the way, I still have them in the back of the Eurovan at Keith's mom's house. Well this time it was different aliens and they were revealing to me the secret of Status Omega which is of course Colonel Xebu's plan to slowly modify the earth's atmosphere so he can introduce Jupiterian life forms. Anyway I am not supposed to tell anybody this except that Dick Cheney is behind it all.

Well that wasn't why I was question this time because apparently the Erpenblechs were like opressing people only the people they were opressing were mostly republicans and stuff like themselves which doesn't make any sense. So I have mixed feelings. I mean if they had defrauded all these peoples and given the money to buy Carbon Offsets I would be like "Yah! Way to go Erpenblechs!" But really they were just buying all this real estate in the Carribean to create a resort for other really rich republican peoples.

Anyway, I better get going as Kerri needs a place to stay. I can't wait until I show Kerri SOV2. She is going to freak out.

Che'

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Homily, Sunday, November 25

Hey! Well, I sure do love feast days. Thursday was super! We finally got the rectory cleaned up from Ché's party - just in time for the big Feast of the Oppression of Native Americans. We had a super time. Clyde was still there after doing the clean up so we let him stay for dinner. A big group of my friends from Maryknoll came down with a passel of Glenmary folks and some Marianists. It was a real "throw-down!" Then at the end of the evening, guess who showed up? That's right, my good friend Fr. Curt Kane. He wasn't able to stay long, but he was the life of the party while he was there.

Anyway, did you know that today is another feast day? Who out there can tell me what feast day it is? No... no that's not it.... no.... no... good guess, though!

OK - it's the Feast of the New Oregon Catholic Press Missalettes! That's right! After this service, the youth group will be replacing the 2007 Breaking Bread with the 2008 Breaking Bread. This is the summit of the liturgical year - the day when we get new misalettes. I've been told that the '08 OCP BB has 30% less traddie music in it, as well as a new mass setting for Clown Masses. I'm a little disappointed that the '08 BB doesn't have the Mime Mass, but there are several great new hymns, including 
  • "The Rainbow Connection," 
  • "If You're Happy & You Know It," 
  • "Wind Beneath My Wings," and finally 
  • "Someone Left the Cake Out in the Rain"

I know you're all as excited as I am! Happy Feast Day!

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Moving againg

Hey!

Well all sorts of weird things keep happening. The green fog finally lifted and according to the compass we are at the north pole now and you would not believe how bad global warming is. I mean it is 78 degrees and sunny and there are dolphins. I told Kerri that this proved that Al Gore was right and she was like "no, Che' the compass is wrong because if we were at the North Pole it wouldn't be sunny because it's winter there!" I think she is a denier or something because deniers say things which make sense but there actually lies and stuff because they aren't real scientists but just angry people with agendas. But she is really funny and nice and stuff so I think I am going to keep being church to her.

Anyway, I was wondering if the Atlantic Ocean now reaches Knoxville.

See Ya!

Che'

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Update

Today is going to be great! All Federal agencies give the day off, so I can enjoy my meal and beer today. I was going to have a small quiet meal today, but when I got home last night I got a telephone call from Fr. Chad at the SSLI inviting me over for their Thanksgiving meal. Apparently, they have a new housekeeper/cook at their rectory who just immigrated to Knoxville from France (she belonged to a group called the SS-PX--for some reason the Traditional groups like to have names that can be abbreviated with letters), and he wanted to show me the improvements they have made to their rectory and the progress on their new Church.

To the Syblings and the DLA: I didn't do anything to those turkeys or communicate with the farmers. I think that turkeys do that by instinct--it is a way to show that they care about a person, by attacking them.

Che: don't worry about the green light and the instrument fluctuations. This is perfectly normal for the area. I knew an Air Force pilot who said that he knew exactly when to fly into the Bermuda Triangle to be able to see the other dimension when it appears.
You should listen to Nate, he knows what he is talking about (I met him the last time there was a conference from all the agencies)

Agent Smith

P.S. Guido McElhone--I cannot get in touch with the Erpenblechs, unfortunately they are now well out of US waters and so out of my jurisdiction.

Feast of the Opression of Native Americans


Hey. Well, I hope you are all really proud of yourselves today. This is the day we "celebrate" how you stole all of the land from the native Americans and ate all of their turkeys, after they taught you how to grow corn by putting it in a fish. We are all on Indian Land. Think you can trust the government? Ask an indian! We belong to the earth, it doesn't belong to us. Free Leonard Piekoff!

Global Warming

Hey!

Just to let everybody know that I'm okay. But there's this green fog everywhere around the yacht. Our motor has gone dead and there is like no wind and the water is all glowing and stuff and the compass doesn't work. I mean, I'm pretty lucky I can still blog!

Anyway, the Erpenblechs are really freaking out because they are really paranoid and are convinced that Nate who is my dad's golf buddy's contractor is really an FBI agent and they have been yelling at him a lot. I mean, I don't know why they are complaining because I pretty much tell Agent Smith evberything I know all the time because a lot of people I know are people he wants to send Christmas cards too and is just trying to stay in touch with.

Anyway, I've been telling Kerri that the green glow all around us is almost surely the Earth telling us we have been bad stewards and stuff and that we need to sacrifice something to Gaia to appease her destructive force or maybe buy carbon credits or something but my dad says that's stupid and that this kind of weather just happens in this region sometimes except the GPS is telling us we're in the Indian Ocean and not in the Atlantic.

I think we may also have accidentally gone through a WORM HOLE and are probably on Jupiter or something.

The cool thing is Kerri and I get to hang out a lot and play Gin Rummy which she is really good at. I think sometimes she let's me win.

Also, we are on page 5,234,211 of the Fountain Head. She was right it has made everything a lot clearer for me. I now realize that I'm like Howard Roark and everybody else is like the really stupid architects. It has to do with the Body Thetan thing. I was hoping the book was over so she could read my play the Bananas of Revenge which she promised she would do right after this book. I mean, I got the point and the book is still going and going. I think the characters talk way too much. When I write my book I won't have any dialog at all. It will all be monolog to make it more exciting.

Oh YAH! Can we have a astatue of a naked womyn representing the Divine Feminine Womyn Spirit? I know someone who can be the model. I think if your a womyn and you look like the Spirit of the Divine Womyn Feminine thing you shouldn't have to work as long as you are willing to model. Only I don't want one of those abstract things I want one that really looks like a womyn.

See Ya!
Che'

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Great changes!

Hello all,

Yes, as "Syblyng" Bob noted, I have been away. I made a pilgrimage to Carthage, TN. I had to do so in order to petition St. Albert to release me from my vows. He graciously consented; and so I've left the Gorebertine Community.

I am now a WomanDeacon, the first step in becoming a WomanPriest. I and my systers are working from within to bring the Church out of the Dark Ages of misogyny, patriarchy, hierarchy, and eco-oligarchy. We will prevail!

In keeping with this, I have taken a new name. I will be known to Gaia-Mother as WomanDeacon Margaret Featherdancer. Margaret, of course, for Gynosaint Margaret Sanger; and Featherdancer as a gesture of solidarity with my indigenous systers.

Let the new day dawn, ending the night of Y-chromosome oppression!

New Banners from OCP


Hey! Well, the new banners are in from the Oregon Catholic Press. I knew there was going to be a Thanksgiving theme, but I'm blown away by how great these Liturgical Banners are. Aren't they great! And they look really professional. Best of all, we get a 25% discount on the banners because we agreed to send our ushers to the OCP's Usher Certification Program. I can't wait to get these hung up in the worship space.

Turkeydeath Day Horror

The first annual Operation Turkey Freedom has been suspended. It is a small and grizzled group here with me after our first strike. We have learned much over the past 24 hours. Did you know that most turkeys are killed and shipped off to the merchants of death long before the actual Turkeydeath Day? As we swept onto our target there were not as many turkeysyblyngs on the "farm" that we would have expected. But then we had our biggest shock yet as the group that was there charged us and began scratching and pecking at us as we tried to gather them towards freedom. It was only later that I was able to understand what had been done. Obviously Agent Smith tipped off the Reagan-Ratzingerist Cabal to our plans to liberate the oppressed turkeysyblyngs. They then spent the time before hand hypnotizing and brainwashing our fine feathered fryends and teaching them to attack the vanguard of the ecosyblyngs. The depths of the perversity of the RRC and the misogynistic federales. What evil minds would train these noble beyngs in the ways of Turkey Fu or Poultry-jitsu? So we have managed to regroup and are scratched, torn and battered. Still the DLA will carry on the fight against the humyn oppressors. Although probably without myself as I am obviously needed back at SOV2....

So a Happy Turkeydeath Day to the reactionary latinist radtradys and such. But syblyngs of good will be assured that we will prevail.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

About the Erpenblechs...

Che,

I have a feeling that there is something wrong here. The company that Mr. Erpenblech owns has been reporting major losses in the past year, yet Mr. Erpenblech seems to have even more money in his personal accout than he had before. Also the numbers painted on their yatch do not seem to have been validly registered. Be careful!

Agent Smith

Operacio Meleagro Libereco

If anyone is looking for me today I will be out with the syblyngs of the Druidical Liberation Army on their annual Operation Turkey Freedom. We are going to liberate millions of turkeysyblyngs who are being held for execution on Turkeydeath Day on Thursday. I'm not sure where Syb Madison is at the moment. She's been very busy on her own project since coming back from St. Louis. So if anyone needs any ecospyrytual guidance Syb Joe will be available. I believe he said he would by in the maze for most of the day.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

My research is going pretty well.

Hey! It's me Che' from the yacht. One of my dad's golf buddies contractor guy who came with us helped me get the sattelite thing working so I could keep in touch. The weather is AWESOME and Kerri and I have been fishing which I know is really cruel and stuff so I basically take the hook of my line. But Kerri caught this really big fish which was pretty neat because she was really excited. Also, we parked the yacht and swam which was fun.


The yacht is big enough that I don't see Mr. and Mrs. Erpenblech at all which is good, but Brenda keeps hanging around Me and Kerri way too much because she is obviously drunk and stuff and it makes it less fun for us, because I can tell that Kerri doesn't like Brenda either because she calls her a lush. I'm not sure what that means but I think it means someone who drinks too much. Kerri doesn't drink. My dad likes to steer the yacht and talk with the Erpenblechs and he pretty much leaves Kerri and me alone.

I can't wait until we get to Bermuda so I can study the endogenous peoples and there socioeconomic political systems. I've been reading the communist manifesto again which is really funny. Kerri wants me to read this book called The Fountain Head, but its like six thousand pages or something. But she said that she would read it to me as we camp out under the stars on the deck.

See ya!

Che'

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Listo Malpermisitaro Update

Thanks to eagle eyed readers of our internetweb pages we have found yet more of those radtrady sites and they have been added to the Listo:

Dymphna's Well: F,O,POD,T
Kansas City Catholic: CF,F,IT,O,T
V for Victory!: BS,CF,EM,IT,R,UM

Al Gore preserve us. Can't he do something about these sites?? But it does look as if one of our more industrious syblyngs managed to sneak a bit into the Kansas City Catholic site giving some "pick up lines" for those at the parish looking for a partner. I'm sure they will work for same sex, group, etc. as well as for hetero if you must. (Although #10 may need some editing):

1. When I first saw you, I knew my centering prayer had been answered.
2. Shades of Jimi! That was the best guitar solo I have ever heard at mass. Who knew “One Bread, One Body,” could R-O-C-K!
3. I loved your guest homily, especially the part about your kids from your first marriage.
4. I promise not to be patriarchal, if you promise not to be submissive, which, from
the looks of things, won’t be hard for either of us.
5. Your interpretive dance after you read the Gospel was really something. I can’t believe you weren’t too exhausted to also distribute communion for Father.
6. I see from the bulletin that you made today’s communion bread. No matter what Rome says, I think the cinnamon and flax seed are always a nice touch, as long as they're organic and fair trade certified.
7. Care to get lost with me in the parish’s prayer maze at the upcoming picnic for those of us that are planning on protesting at the School of the Americas?
8. Imagine. In the future, if we decided to live by Humanae Vitae for a day and then decided that we really could bring a kid into this oppressive Church that we don’t believe in but refuse to leave, then we could name him or her Che.
9. Anybody ever tell you that you look like a young Hans Kung–I mean with a beard and dreadlocks?
10. Please tell me that you don’t put the L in LGBTQ, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Final Good Bye

This is my final post to all the wonderful folks at SOV2. I have been accepted formally as a member of the Institute of Servants of the Queen of Apostles. I requested what is called a "bilateral transfer" and it was granted. I now assume all the privileges of my new community. They are a wonderful group, and I know I have finally found my lasting home. After more than 40 years of roaming, always wondering where I belong, I have finally found it!

One of the privileges of my new community is that I received a new name. I am no longer Sr. Fairah. I am now Sr. Mary Martin of the Blessed Sacrament. Now before everyone goes on and on, yelling about male domination, let me explain why I LOVE my new name.

Mary: She was the BEST and BOLDEST woman to ever live on the face of the earth. Who else could have told the Son of God to take out the trash?

Martin (de Porres): He is the patron saint of social justice. Now, you know I GET social justice. While my new community doesn't usually DO a lot in the area of social justice, they are really BIG on praying for it. I am dedicating my entire life for the cause of justice in the world. Everything I do will be given over to that end.

"of the Blessed Sacrament": It is tradition that a devotion of particular interest be given to the Sister. Because I have spent close to 20 hours a day in chapel since my arrival in Columbus, they thought it was fitting I be devoted to the Blessed Sacrament, and I agree!

Now, I know some are still screaming about my taking a man's name. CALM DOWN! GET A GRIP! Here's how I see it: We believe that in Christ, there is neither free nor slave, neither male nor male, neither rich nor poor. So if Dym Tim were to decide to become Dym Tammy, you would all applaud his recognition of the divine feminine in him. So, I am doing the same thing. Consider this: taking a male name reminds us all that gender is secondary to being. I am SISTER to all, and that is my primary name. Martin was a HUGE lover of the poor, the natives, the untrodden. I am HONORED to be named after him. Scream all you want, I don't care if it is a male name. It does not bother me at all!

So I will miss everyone. I am happy the Gorbortines are making themselves such a big part of SOV2. I am glad Dym Tim (or Dym Tammy, as some would have it) is back. I hope Che' doesn't come back from his cruise all red like a lobster! I will greatly miss Maryann and Keith and IR. I still call some more women to come forth in leadership at SOV2. I hope Adoro will come around more often ... she has a lot she can teach you all! Oh, and I don't miss H. Roberts at all ... I am praying for the repose of his soul (a concept most of you don't get, but it's ok... God gets it!).

To one and all, peace and the love of Jesus Christ. You will be in my prayers as I give myself over to Jesus. Pray for me, too.

Craziness!

A few days ago, I was asked by Miss Perile to investigate the disappearances of Miss Rosie and Miss Hill. I followed up and found where they are being held by a rogue agency. Now I come back with the papers drafted for their release and I find Miss Perile and Miss Moonsword picketing outside the jail. They are carrying signs telling that other agency to keep the ladies in custody--and protesting some "France-is-canned" group. I don't understand this--but have it your way--they will remain in the custody of that other agency.

Agent Smith

Friday, November 16, 2007

Canticle of the Earthfriends


Hey! Todd has written a special hymn to welcome the gorebertine community to SOV2. You'll be hearing the hymn on Sunday, when we'll be using it for the entrance, offering, communion, and exiting parts of the service, but here's a sneak peek at the lyrics:

CANTICLE OF THE EARTHFRIENDS
Todd Turk, Good Intentions Publications, Copyright 2007

[Verse 1]
Sun, sun, look: there's the sun!
what a joyous and sp'r'ted afternoon
See the sun, hear the rushing wind
we are one with sun and star and moon

[Chorus]
Sun, moon, moon and sun again
flowers, bees, and trees and dancing fawns
Dance, sing, dance a dance of song
Leaping, laughing gaily on the lawns

[Verse 2]
Here comes the Spirit dressed as a tree
what a joyous and sp'r'ted ev-en-ing
Join your hands, join us joyfully
joyfully your joy will make you sing!

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
Moon, moon! Look, there's the moon!
what a joyous and sp'r'ted mo-orning
As you butter up your bread and look ahead
You'll see the Spirit fast aborning

[Chorus]

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Leaving tomorrow

Hey,

Well I am on my way to Miami tomorrow with my dad and Brenda and the Erpenblechs. We had dinner tonight at Chesapeake's. I was really pretty mad because basically its like one of those slaughter house places because of all the animals they kill and eat in there. Plus, they don't have a really good vegetable selection or anything. But Kerri, this girl I am kind of dating was with us and she said to eat the sea scallops which are like sea cucumbers or something and are plants. I didn't know that so at least there was something I could eat and they were really good. I couldn't eat the "Wedge of Lettuce" because it had bacon bits and that's just wrong in so many ways. I was going to protest right there and lie down of the floor and make people step on me if they wanted to go to the bathroom in solidarity with pigs but Kerri told me that the owner of the restuarant had voted for Al Gore probably so I didn't. Can someone check that out?

My dad is being okay because he said that he would bring a lot of vegetables and tofu and things on the yacht for me to eat, but I am going to miss fallafel and organic beer. When I am with my mom I always get plenty of stuff to eat but a lot of it is gross and like seaweed and things.

I am still pretty upset over H. Robert like a lot of you know. I mean, I am glad that at least it straightened me out because I was all like "Yo! Let's Party" and now I'm back to "Hey! Let's be church!" But just not as spirit-filled maybe. That's why I like Kerri because she is really funny even though her parents are rich republicans. And she is also down to earth and just fun to hang around with and stuff. And she doesn't wear too much make-up. I think a lot of you people who are womyn would really like her a lot, except she is cute and for some reason a lot of you (not all of you) don't seem to like womyn who are cute, except in hollywood. I think she has been repressed a lot and needs to stand up for womyn more because she is always making fun of the PETA girls I think. But since she is a womyn I think it's probably okay for her to do it.

Oh yah! If you see Enrico or Carter at SOV2 make sure you are nice to them.

Che'

Ongoing Investigation

I was at the restricted area at the Knox County Jail yesterday (where the federal agencies keep their arrestees), and there was one cell that I couldn't enter with my thumbprint. I'm pretty sure that it is where Miss Hill and Miss Rosie are being held. Now I just have to use my influence to find out which agency has detained them.

Agent Smith

An uplifting article

I found the following article from the L.A. Times:

Pope Benedict XVI will be preaching on his visit to Washington and New York next April, his first trip to the United States as pope. That's part of a pope's job description. But many American Catholics hope that the papal visit will double as what politicians in this country call a "listening tour." They know that, erudite as this former theology professor may be, he still might be able to learn something from their experience in a pluralistic country where the Catholic faith has flourished despite -- or because of -- the separation of church and state.

Benedict's visit, announced this week, will coincide with a presidential campaign. During the 2004 campaign, America's Catholic hierarchy was divided on whether pro-choice Catholic politicians -- including Democratic presidential nominee Sen. John Kerry -- should be denied Holy Communion. Some bishops, including Cardinal Roger M. Mahony of Los Angeles, believed that pro-choice politicians should search their conscience before deciding whether to approach the Communion rail. Others took a more confrontational line, warning that they would deny the sacrament to pro-choice politicians

....

When Benedict comes to the United States, he is likely to be importuned by conservative Catholics to side with the hard-liners. He would be wiser to listen to other Catholics, laypeople as well as clergy, who know what mischief would be caused by a decree that would seem to force some Catholic officials to choose between their responsibility to their constituents or the Constitution and their standing in the church. These American Catholics believe, as President Kennedy said in 1960, in "an America where the separation of church and state is absolute; where no Catholic prelate would tell the president -- should he be Catholic -- how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom to vote."


The German guy would do well to heed this advice. We are Americans and here there is no contamination between church and State. The State will lead us all to a better day as it acquires the capabilities to take care of our needs. So the misogynistic paternalistic hierarchy should just butt out.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Stuff for sale.

Hey,

I've been cleaning out my apartment of some stuff and if anybody wants it let me know:

1 Satellite dish thing. Not sure how to hook it up.
3 Big computers
7 Little computers
1 Wireless robot eye thing with legs
1 Thing with these two wires and you plug it in and this lightening bolt arc goes between the two wires and it goes up an makes a kind of buzzing noise. It doesn't do anything else
4 Solar powered wind turbines with lithium oxide hydrogen fuel cells
1 50 pound bag of granualized crystal glucose
1 15 pound bag of used to be 50 pounds of granualized crystal glucose
4 Febreeze Spring Meadow air freshener refills (I might keep these I'm not sure)
about 250 feet of various kinds of wires and cables
1 Manual on the care of Brains in Jars
A box of 100 antiseptic non-latex gloves. I think there's about 40 or so left.

Also I just wanted people to know that I am going on a trip with my dad for a few weeks to the Carribean on his yacht. Don't think this is fun or anything because Brenda and the Erpenblechs are going too. Don't get me started on the Erpenblechs because Mrs. Erpenblech is the only person who wears more jewelery and make-up than Brenda and she has had like fifty plastic surgeries. And she wears fur clothes. I'm not kidding.

Mr. Erpenblech is from Covington Kentucky where he used to build these gigantic houses. Not as big as my dad's because they were for people who were only like doctors and dentists and lawyers and things and not people who are really rich. I mean my dad is like the Tysons and the McGees kind of rich. The Erpenblechs also have a ton of money. My dad thinks because they are supposed to be "Catholic" that I'll like them or something. But I know they're republicans.

Che'

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Wimmin Unite!!

ENOUGH about the pseudo-feminist! There's a REAL ISSUE we need to deal with here, wimmin!

It seems the phallofascist "Archbishop" Burke has issued an oppressive reaction against the properly ordained Womanpriests in "his" diocese, and has ordered them before a tribunal to answer for their courageous, inclusive, life-affirming, Gaia-inspired stand against the misogynist patriarchy.

Now, while my sisters have (quite rightly) refused to dignify this attack by appearing, it's important to support all of us who have answered the call to ordination. So all left-thinking SOV2iets must write letters condemning this act of aggression against these peaceful servants of Gaia. Inundate the "Archbishop" of St Louis with your indignation at the medieval, repressive, wimmin-hating, global-warming-disbelieving hierarchy!

We will prevail!

Elegy for H Robert Williams

Um.. Friends, Wiccans... members of Pi Kappa Gamma Alpha Beta Fraternity... (sniff)... lend me your ears.

I come to bury H. Robert Williams not to praise him! The good that people do... no wait... the evil stuff people do lives after them... but the good is oft interned with their bones. No wait... I mean... the good stuff is often pretty much the same thing that happened with the rest of them. (sniff).... So be it with H. Robert Will....... (sob)... Okay... (sniff)... I'm okay...

All right, I know a lot of people didn't like H. Robert Williams very much because he was most of the time kind of hatching evil plans and stuff. And also he was really mean and took advantage of me a lot. And also he never let anybody else win at Mega God of Death Curse of the Nemesis or anything. Also, sometimes he didn't smell too good and when I had a girl over he was always using his robot eye thing to spy on us which was just weird... But... I mean... (sob)... he was kind of like the dad I wish I had except that person is my real dad who I don't like that person very much.

I mean, that dog I picked up when I as a kid with my mom... (sob)... I mean, it was such a friendly dog and stuff and yah it didn't have much hair or anything... (sob)... but it was still a... (sob)... (sniff)... (sniff)... earthfriend... because it lived here too. Just like H. Robert (sob)... Okay...

I mean, H. Robert liked my poetry that I wrote, and he said real nice things about my mom and he told me I should go see her when I couldn't buy the souvenirs of Che' Guevara with the sunday collection... (sob)... and... (sniff)... Okay... Anyway... I mean... (sob)... okay... I'm not okay... I mean... whoever it is... even if you don't like them very much... I mean... I remember my cute english prof at U.T. She had us read all this stuff by this Dunn person. And he said No man is an Island... and (sniff) that bell that tolls... you know... that bell is tolling for thee. And by thee I mean all of you people out there. So... (sniff)... I thought Dunn was pretty stupid and everything. But maybe he was on to something.

Also there was this poem about a guy who could run really far and also there was this poem about writing a poem in a country church yard. I couldn't remember who wrote them but I bet if you go read them you'll find out.. (sniff) ... a lot of it has to do with stuff you should know. But I couldn't find them really fast...

... Okay... (Sniff) So I'd like to read this poem by e. e. cummings instead. I like e. e. cummings because he has two e's in his name and he had a lot of trouble with capitalization and grammer and spelling like me. It's called "if strangers meet"

if strangers meet
life begins-
not poor not rich
(only aware)
kind neither
nor cruel
(only complete)
i not not you
not possible;
only truthful
-truthfully,once
if strangers(who
deep our most are
selves)touch:
forever

(and so to dark)

Monday, November 12, 2007

A note from Lizzy Bole-Williams

Hey,

It's me Che' again. I got a note from H. Robert's daughter Lizzy who wanted to say something to the SOV2 community.

Dear SOV2 community,

First of all, I wanted to let you know that I am not upset with you for what happened. The fact that my father found a welcoming community in the mountains of East Tennessee says more about your character than his. If you took him in, well, you deserve what you got which is either good or bad but makes no difference to me whatever.

Second, I want to tell you that apparently to the end he held fast to that delusion of his that there was some higher power. Like the rest of you it was all in his mind and he made it into whatever he wanted it to be for him at the moment and whatever served his needs. He did feel a huge guilt over the "past crimes of the church." But the really sick thing was he took a kind of pride in all the wrong things and loved to lecture and ended every lecture with an apology which really became something of an insult since he took such apparent pleasure in it. I am guessing that you people are pretty much just like that and as Che' has made no end to saying he was sorry about what happened I feel pretty confident about that guess.

Third, my father left my mom and me with a pretty tidy sum of money. You won't get any of it so don't even bother trying. As you know my mom wanted nothing to do with this whole "brain thing" and so whatever you spent on keeping him alive that's your business not mine. You're lucky I don't sue you, but I'm not like my father.

Fourth, I don't care what you say about Gaia and all your so-called feminism. You people are full of it and you might as well give up this sham. The fact is as long as you call yourself "catholic" or "christian" you are part of the problem. Give it up and go home.

Regards,
Lizzy Bole-Williams

Anyway, you can tell that she is still probably in shock, so if everybody could maybe send her a card. I still have a lot of recycled paper and soy ink and stuff if you want to borrow it.

Che'

A note to Miss Perile and Miss Moonsword

After reviewing the surveillance from the other night, I'm afraid that I have found the cause of your friends' disappearances. Another agency is trying to muscle in on the SOV2 turf. They seem to have been detained on some made-up pretense. My superiors are angry about this because they were assured by all the other agencies that there wouldn't be any intrusion in this area. I will do everything in my power to obtain their release.

Agent Smith

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Homily, Sunday, November 11

Hey! Happy Veteran's Day! Isn't it cool how the readings are all about things that are about Veteran's Day, even though the readings were written over 7,000 years ago? It just goes to show how the Spirit moves through time. Now, I can see from some shocked faces out there that you weren't expecting me to say Happy Veteran's Day. I mean, should we be having a Day Of Silence to honor the innocent peoples killed by the bloodthirsty fascist stormtroopers that our government sends in our name to oppress the people of the world?

Yes... and no. You've got to remember that most of those bloodthirsty fascist stormtroopers are people too, or were. But they're mostly uneducated poor hillbillies and minorities, so they were easy pray for the brainwashers in the recruitment office. Underneath all that testosterone machismo, they are like little flowers that grope toward the sun. Love them, be church to them. Our war is with their puppetmasters.

Now, I also want to touch on my recent trip to Hugo Chavez' Workers Paradise. Did you know they have an army too? So when you honor veterans today, you're not only honoring the fascist veterans of Amerika, but also you're honoring the heroic freedom fighters of Venezuela, Cuba, Zimbabwe, Iran, Nicaragua, and all those places where free peoples have said NO to the abrogation of their right to choose.

Which brings me to the unfortunate events at Ché's apartment. Some of you have criticized Peevee Rajendajendan for eating H Robert's brain, mostly because he was not being a vegetarian. But let me say this - the invisible hand of cultural relativism demands that we only criticize our own culture. Since Peevee comes from India, whatever he does is OK, since it is within his own ethos. Moreover, those Indians don't know any better. It's not like they are civilized, or something. But when it comes to their relationship with the spirit, they are so far ahead of us. We've got a lot to learn from them. Sure, they burn womyn alive, but what you have to realize is that being burned alive is a valid life choice for womyn who live in that ethos.

Finally, I salute Bishop Crispian Hollis, who took a courageous stand for womyn's rights. Kudos, Crispi! You've inspired us here at SOV2 to stand up for the legalization of prostitution, which is another way that womyn can break the chains of male oppression. Let's all be like the little brown bear, who looks for honey though he does not make it, or like the swallow, who sings her own church into being every morning!

Finally, I have some exciting news! As you know, our misallette and our bulletins are produced by Oregon Catholic Press, and also we run our liturgy in accordance with their Liturgical Planning Toolkit. They have an exciting new program in which they will also administer our faith community completely. They write the homilies, provide faith formation classes, and send one of their own trained music ministers to lead the singing. And the best part is, we get a 20% discount off of the misalettes and other OCP publications if we turn over the faith community to their capable guidance.

I'll be deciding whether to go this route over the next couple of weeks - let me know what you think!

Happy Veterans Day!

Keith Released

Since H. Robert's plans have been terminated, I have decided to release Keith. There will be no charges brought against Peevee, because, as far as the government is concerned, H. Robert actually died a while ago.

To Miss Perile: I m not sure what has happened with your friends, but I will look back through the surveillance footage to see what I can find.

Agent Smith

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Good News & Bad News

Hey! Well I am really psyched to be back here at SOV2. The good news is that Hugo signed off on my departure from Venezuela, although I have promised to take a sabbatical there next year. I'm also really happy that the Gorebertine community is here. Welcome to Church!

But on my return, I'm afraid I have some bad news. My good friend Peevee Rajendajendan will not be the guest homilist tomorrow. I suppose this is sort of a mia culper. you see, I've just come from Ché's Apartment, and it seems that Peevee accidentally ate H Robert's brain. Somebody put H Robert's jar on the kitchen shelf, and Peevee naturally mistook it for pickled monkey brain, which, as he comes from a culture with its own particular ethos, is perfectly OK. Except that it wasn't a monkey brain at all, but H Roberts.

It may please some of you to know that Peevee said it was the most delicious brain he had ever eaten.

Needless to say, he feels just awful about it, so please be extra nice to him if you see him around tomorrow.

Bye for now! I'm off to see how things are going at the rectory.

Peace Out!

WWWOOWOOOOWOWOWOOO!

THAT WAS AWESOME! You guys have to come over since the VOLS beat the HOGS! WE ARE PARTYING! In your face H. Robert you LOSER! I bet your ust sitting around playing PS3 with Keith again.

Che'

Uncooperative

I don't know if it is because we refused to give him his five triple quarter pounders last night or if he is just in a state of shock, but Keith has stubbornly refused to talk. I'm technically not allowed to torture anyone to extract information, but I have instructed the 'inquisitors' (a great word I got from the SSLI) to feed him only healthy food until he tells us what we want to know. There will be a bag of McDonalds in the room, but he will be given only salads and traditionally healthy entrees.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Questions

Due to recent events here, I have decided to take Keith in for questioning. He is now sitting in a room in my new headquarters. We are most interested in finding out what that brain-in-a-jar has been planning and scheming about, since I know that his plan runs much deeper than the control of the SOV2 Community.

Agent Smith

Che' the Apostate

See the danger of an apostate? Look at all that has happened. Che' has become one of those frat boy jock hangeroners that we purged at Villanoce. The types who will be first against the wall when the revolution comes. Everyone is so distressed all because of this. Che's emanation of misogynistic chauvinistic waves has driven away most of the Gyno-americanos from SOV2. And look at what that has done to Sr. Fairah. And I'm sure it's also the reason behind the way H. Robert has been acting lately. H. has always been so steady and sure and reasonable. Now this. And don't even get me started on the absolute anguish it's caused Dr. Argot. Why I can't even get him to concentrate on the wonderful Chapel of the Americas that we were planning with the mural of Commandante Castro behind the main altar and side altars to Che Guevara and Hugo Chavez. I can't wait for Dym Tim to arrive and put him to lefts. I'd almost say we should turn to the methods of the Society of St. Leo I to deal with him. My wah is seriously disturbed.

You are all banned forever!

This is my first command as Supreme Facilitator to you the people of SOV2 faith community.

I am only here to help you, not to boss you around or dictate to you policies. That is why your continued driveling and whining is really just getting in the way of fruitful dialog. I am sick to death over this. You people refuse to be helped which is why henceforwards I am the only one who is allowed to speak. You all must remain completely silent and still before me.

From my perch here on the kitchen counter between the pickled olives and the spice rack which includes fennel, tumeric, corriander, and cumin , I shall administer my facilitations with utmost compassion and equality regardless of where you are in your personal faith journeys. If you but meditate upon my words, you shall come to look upon me as a kind and loving disembodied sky spirit, a star which hovers above you and upon which you shall gaze eternally in wonder and delight and gratitude. In a way, you and I shall be one in that I incorporates in myself all the supreme goods of nurturing community and ...

... just a minute... Someone is knocking at the door... Keith! See who it is...

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Coming Home

Hey!

Well, I've received a preliminary visa to leave Venezuela, although I haven't gotten permission from Hugo yet. Anyway, with things in chaos up there at SOV2, I called a good friend of mine, P.V. Rajendajendan, and he has agreed to come and give the homily at SOV2 this Sunday.

Peevee (as we call him) is an expert in transcendental guruism, and is particularly adept at forging reconciled amicability. Please make him welcome. As I understand that the Rectory is something of a mess, I gave him directions to Ché's apartment (also I don't want him staying at the Rectory because he cooks really smelly food and it really stinks the place up when he's around, but I thimk Keith won't mind)

See you all soon!

Peace out!

Leadership Committee

Syblyng H. Robert, I think that's a wonderful idea! Obviously I was mistaken to be worried about you. I think we both understand that with Syblyng Fairah's departure, this faith community lost its fymynyn center (I'm so sorry I never got to meet this syblyng).

But don't worry! I'm willing to make the sacrifice demanded to bring us all back to Gaia. I must say, I'm amazed at your accurate description of me. How did you know about my doctorate in Advanced Late 20th Century Lyric Rhyme, with an Emphasis on the prose of Joan Baez?? And my treatise Womyn in Film: An Exploration of how Barbara Stanwyck, Jane Fonda, and Adrienne Barbeau Helped Usher In the Aquarian Age, while well received, is sadly no longer in print! I'm very impressed.

I'm somewhat confused by "this person should be deprived of a body", as obviously I am corporeal....But anyway! I only regret that I will be away in St. Louis this Sunday....I will be participating in an amazing pan-Gaian confirmation of the Eternal Fymynyn, but when I return I will be entirely ready to lead the Spirit of Vatican 2 Faith Community into its future as a community of Gaia!

Good bye and God bless...

First, about the road trip: at first I was going just to accompany Molly Jean. But as we visited, read and prayed, I started to sense a stirring in my own heart.

I’m seeing a whole new side of the Church. The evil male hierarchy isn’t evil at all. They’re not even anti-womyn. DO NOT STOP READING.... You see, as we traveled, we took turns reading MULIERIS DIGNITATEM out loud. That is an apostolic letter by John Paul II. Now before everyone starts screaming at me, let me tell you: it’s IN YOUR FACE on the dignity of womyn. While I’ve always been proud of being a womyn, I had NO idea before how BLESSED by God I am as a womyn. And how much men and womyn need each other. Even as a woman promised to celibacy, men still compliment me. Here’s my favorite (well, maybe second favorite) line: “In the life of consecrated women, for example, who live according to the charism and the rules of the various apostolic Institutes, it can express itself as concern for people, especially the most needy: the sick, the handicapped, the abandoned, orphans, the elderly, children, young people, the imprisoned and, in general, people on the edges of society. In this way a consecrated woman finds her Spouse, different and the same in each and every person, according to his very words: "As you did it to one of the least of these my brethren, you did it to me" (Mt 25:40).” Whoever thinks this is anti-womyn obviously can’t read. And my FAVORITE line: “the dignity of women is measured by the order of love, which is essentially the order of justice and charity.”

Whoever thinks the man writing this is fascist and chauvinistic and anti-womyn … well, I challenge you to read it for yourself.

And as we visited these awesome communities, I began to see a part of my life that I’m really missing. I need to be with other Sisters. I need to relearn what my vows are about, and I can’t do that unless I’m around other Sisters.

We stopped at the provincial house for my community in Omaha. Sadly, I had no desire to stay there for more than a short visit. But when we stayed at the other convents, I felt so drawn to stay and not leave. I felt especially attracted to the nuns (and they are nuns) at Institute of Servants of the Queen of Apostles in Columbus, OH. They have a beautiful spirit, and well, I want to learn more about them. So they’ve invited me to stay. There is nothing in Knoxville for me to return there. Everything was ruined in the water-leak… absolutely everything. I have all my worldly possessions with me.

I’ve updated my profile one last time. I will be able to check the community blog once or twice during the next week, but starting on the 17th, I’m leaving SOV2 for good. The nuns don’t do anything online, and have asked me to let go of it, too. I’m sad I can’t come back to say goodbye to everyone, but I want to stay here.

A CALL TO ARMS, WOMYN: We need more of you to step up to leadership roles at SOV2. “H. Roberts” (or whomever is playing him) claims to have a committee taking applications to leadership here. I suspect it’s a committee of one. In any case, he needs to be BOMBARDED with womyn applying. ARM YOURSELF with strength, the order of justice and love and come forth to leadership at SOV2!

My final testaments:

Che’: BE NICE. Let go of your anger. Be church to everyone, even the Syb family.

IR: I’ll miss you! You have MUCH to give to SOV2 … don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise. I promise you’ll find a friend to take my place.

H. Roberts: you’re fake, a farce, a sham. A brain in a jar can’t communicate like you claim to. Who ever is claiming to be H. Roberts, be honest with the community. It’s wrong if you aren’t. Che' and Keith: don't change his water / mixture any more. The dead brain needs to rot.

Maryann: take over as spiritual advisor for me. Maybe you can get Brittnee to come back????? The community needs more womyn!

Dym Tim: If you’re ever in Columbus, come see me. Come back soon!

God bless you all. I love you and will pray for you.

Yo Dudes!

Yo!

I've got to say that hanging out with Enrico the last few days has been awesome! We have had a great time and all these really cute girls are really, really cool. We all got wasted last night and played volleyball on the sand volleyball court last night by Father Tim's pool. It was like 40 degrees but it was an ABSOLUTE blast. I woke up at noon.

I can't believe this because when I was at U.T. these were the guys that I thought were absolute jerks but you know what! They are really pretty cool. I invited some of them over to my dad's and we all hung out and one of them's dad knows my dad and they went to college together and stuff and both go to the same country club. I can't remember his name though because I was like completely wasted. But I think he's in Pi Kappa Gamma Alpha Beta or something. I can't remember. If I had stayed at U.T. and I had rushed them he said I would definitely have gotten in.

Anyway, we're going to start with screw drivers and bloody mary's around 11 Saturday. Then I'm going to try and sneak in to the game on a student ticket. I have to say that you people are completely wonked if you don't hang with us this weekend!

Oh yah, they gave me a new nickname, so if you want to talk to me from now on you better call me by it. We're going to get wasted tonight and go water skiing in the dark with my Dad's speedboat.

Cool Che'

Listo Malpermesitaro

Thanks to ever alert syblyngs we now add the following sites to the Listo Malpermesitaro. Be vigilant, we WILL root out radtradism on the internetweb:


Institute of Christ the King: C,EM,F,POD,RT
Laudem Gloriae
: C,CF,F,IT,O


And as an additional warning... beware of the motionpicturefilm Bella. I have heard from others who have had the misfortune to see this that it is deeply upsetting to the correctly centered syblyng. Amongst many offenses the main character is a chef and graphic scenes are shown of vegetables syblyngs being maimed and burned. If we ever find the time we may need to begin a Filmo Malpermesitaro for motionpicturefilms and a Libro Malpermesitaro for printed materials. So little time, so much radtradyism.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Batali fajron per fajro

Tonight was very sad. I saw a bumpersticker on a Saturn Vue that read "I love my German shepherd, Pope Benedict XVI". As if we were all some type of mindless sheep in need of a shepherd. It was another forceful reminder of the rampant forces of patriarchal Reagan-Ratzingerism that are rampant today. Once again I say we must fight fire with fire, or "batali fajron per farjo" in that wonderful language Esperanto. If the radtrad legions want a language besides the vernacular, then let them use that wonderful language. I'm of half a mind to invite Dr. Alesdorf here to conduct an intensive course in Esperanto complete with recitations of the works of Hans Kung in Esperanto.

Also I've noticed that there are so many places on this internetweb that just reek of this neoradtradyism. Dym Tim has done a commendable service in pointing some of these sites out and banning them to save the spirits of the syblyngs. With the help of one of the syblyngs with the Druidical Liberation Army I have created a internetwebpage that lists all of these sites at the Listo Malpermesitaro. In addition I have added the two following sites:

St. John Cantius: AM,BS,C+,EM,F,O,PH,POD,RT
What Does The Prayer Really Say: F,C,EM,RT

Remember: Only You Can Prevent Radtradism

Leadership Committee

Dear Friends,


Well. It is with a heavy heart that I must say Che has just gone rather unstable. The wonderful commenter Ima Perile was quite right to point out certain deficiencies in Che's character. For example, his tendency towards violent confrontations. His dependency on patriarchal inheritance laws, his attachment to "un-earth-friendly" foods, and his dislike of male liturgical dancing among them.


Interestingly enough, Che was not so against liturgical dancing when it came to his "Liturgy of Purple Rain" for which he choreographed a dance with Britnee Hamilton to the tune of Raspberry Beret.

Nevertheless, we must continue to move forward. The absence of Father Tim is a necessity for us to endure, something of a challenge, a difficulty, a setback. But looked on in a different way, perhaps it is something to build on. Is it not true that Father Tim represents only one part of our common human heritage? Is not the criticism of Ima correct in saying that, even if he does not intend, his maleness in a position of authority represents an affront to womyn who have been forced to endure thousands of years of repression by patriarchal societies?

I am afraid it is too true.

But this crisis between the "baked foods" and the "raw foods" factions must be healed. To do so, we are in need of a strong and effectual leader.

Therefore, I believe that it is time that a new leader be appointed by the community. One who can unite the community into one based on love, tolerance, acceptance, inclusion, diversity, peace and justice! Whoever this person is, I believe this person should have certain qualifications:

Intelligence - as marked by an advanced degree
Communication Skills - for example has authored several books and articles
Spirituality - Should be well attuned to the divine feminine
Leadership Qualities - Should be able to lead a team in drafting important documents such as the recent Mandate on Raw and Cooked Foods.
and most importantly
Empathy to the Disenfranchised - preferably this person should be deprived of a body.

I am taking it upon myself to appoint a committee to interview candidates. Rather than cause controversy, this committee will be completely anonymous and go about its work in strict and total secrecy. If you are selected to this committee I will inform you and swear you in to total silence. If you are not selected, trust that your feelings and opinions will be adequately considered regardless.

Until then, Shine On People! Shine On!

H. Roberts

Is something wrong?

I'm worried about our syblyngs Keith & H. Robert. I brought the green tea to them as requested, but the apartment door was locked & no one answered when I knocked. So I went around & looked in the open window. There was this strange light in syblyng H. Robert's jar; syblyng Keith was staring into it as if hy was doing trance meditation.

At first I couldn't hear what they were saying; then I heard this voice in my head! I couldn't make out everything it was saying, but it kept repeating "sure sure sure". Then syblyng Keith began nodding and saying things like "of course" and "yeah, that'll get him"....and then HY started repeating "sure sure sure"!!

And hy had this green goo all over hym....I don't know what it was, but it was pulsing.

Sybling Che, I think you should stay in the rectory.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Contest winner

So, the winner is: CHRISTINE: WELL DONE! 100%

1. Philadelphia, PA - Convent of Divine Love - Pink Sisters
2. Starrucca, PA - Oblates of Mary, Queen of Apostles - Traditional Order for Women
3. Summit, NJ - MONASTERY OF OUR LADY OF THE ROSARY - Dominican Nuns
4. Columbus OH - Institute of Servants of the Queen of Apostles - Traditional Order for Women
5. Rockford, IL - Poor Clares Corpus Christi Monastery
6. Debuque, IA - Our Lady of the Mississippi Abbey - Trappist nuns
7. Agnew, NE - The Carmel of Jesus, Mary and Joseph (Discalced Carmelites ) - Traditional Order for Women
8. Denton, NE - Our Lady of Guadalupe Seminary (FSSP w/ Latin Mass)

All the cities have either a Cloistered Convent or a Latin-based (Trinitine) Convent. Except Denton, NE. It’s the American headquarters for the FSSP. They don’t have a women’s community YET, but are beginning one. Molly Jean wanted to go there. But she’d have to go to Europe for formation if she joined them, and that’s not “on her radar screen.”

The prize? We prayed for you at every chapel, every morning and evening prayer, and had a mass said for you. Congratulations, Christine!

I’ll write more tomorrow.