Monday, June 4, 2007

Confusion Reins!

Todd Turk Here... Fr. Tim left his computer on. I am in his office. For anyone who may be reading this... are we the only ones left? I do not know, for all seems unclear now. Maryann is here. It was her who held us together during the final charge. And yet... I am not sure that there was anyone to fight.

Teh ride back from Alabama with Sister Fairah was uneventful, until we got to the Kingston exit, when our van broke down. I think it was from too much weight in the back, what with the heavy suitcases that Sister Fairah brought with her. Fortunately Eugene was able to flag down a passing motorist who let us use his mobile phone. But the only number I could remember off the top of my head was Fr. Juno's cell phone. Thank the spirit! Fr. Juno answered his phone and got some friends of his to come pick us up in their van. With everything going on, I just had to take a break, and what luck! The Indigo Girls were performing in Market Square for "Sundown in the City." Although Fr. Juno wanted to go to some sort of prayer thing, we talked him into driving us to Market Square. No sooner did we pull into the parking lot than we recognized Maryann there with a sinister-looking woman I've seen skulking around the parish. She said her name was "Adora" or something like that. So this was the Adora that Fr. Tim warned me to look out for.

Long story short, I had to miss out on the Indigo Girls, because Maryann & Adora said that there was an evil fascist republican who had taken over SOV2. Was this the same Fr. Kane who was there when I left? I couldn't believe it. And where was Fr. Tim? And where were Che and Britnee? And where was that fat bastard Keith?

So we piled back in the van and Fr. Juno said he was going to have a talk to Fr. Kane. Or at least I think that's what he said. It's kinda hard to understand him sometimes.

We pulled up to the church about 15 minutes ago, and it was crazy! Teh amplifiers at the top of the Church were blaring "Here I Am Lord" at about 500,000 decibels, and the whole place was covered wth incense smoke. The rectory was partially burnt down, and people were running around like crazy. Worst of all, there were a bunch of guys in armor all kneeling in a circle saying the rosary. That's when I knew I had to find Fr. Tim.

We had to cut through the Spirit Maze because there were a bunch of women in pantsuits waving pointed sticks near the Old Che Trench, and as we emerged from the hedge row the incense cleared. We saw four black SUV's go tearing out of the Southeast parking lot and down the road. I thought maybe Fr. Tim had gotten away, but Maryann said that we better check out the Contemplation Temple.

So here we are. No sign of Fr. Tim. No sign of Fr. Kane. All of the really great lounge chairs and stuff that we had in here is gone - all that's left is a note that says "These chairs were Liberated by the Appalachian Peace Alliance." There are empty bags of Funyuns everywhere, and barrels of bean curd in every corner. What's worse, Sister Fairah was exploring the basement, and she found Dr & Mizz Argot in a makeshift dungeon. They said that Fr. Kane went crazy. And now that I can see the website has been completely re=done. Man oh man! I wish Fr. Tim was here!

-Todd Turk, Music Minister, on behalf of himself, Maryann McGronk (liturgist), Sister Fairah, and Eugene Kramer


Anonymous said...

I think Keith's gone after them to find out what happened to Britnee.

Any sign on Che and the armored men?

Anonymous said...

I'm new in town and was just writing to check on Mass times. Am I at the wrong place?


Che' Lovell said...

Hey everybody!

That was great and really spirited last night. I didn't think my new friends in SuSPeX would get along so well with the Hugo Chavez Brigade but they hit it off right away. I mean the SuSPeX are always chanting and aying the roasry and kneeling and bowing and stuff like that and they carry around missiles or something, and the Hugo Chavez brigade people all have body piercings but they're really a lot alike. I mean we're all just church together when it comes down to it.

But who invited those jerks with the green hats all wearing Denim? I'm thinking they were a bunch of stupid rich kids who have nothing better to do than beat horses and drink bear and oppress indigeneous people and stuff.

My favorite part was when Keith came down from the black hellicopter. You know I thought he lost a lot of weight from the picture of him with the aliens, but he looked really really... like he hadn't lost any which is probably why that rope he was hanging on snapped. Was that Father Curt who caught him? I'm not sure because all the fires and stuff made it confused. And I think that's when one of those stupid rich kids hit me on the head. I mean what's up with that?

Anyway I just woke up in one of the trenches with a pounding headache, and everybody seems to be gone. But that was a blast. Can we do it again without the denim jerks?