Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Catholic People's Bill of Rights

Hey! I was "surfing" around the internet today and looking for stuff to 'blog about, and I came across a great organization called Association for the Rights of Catholics in the Church.

Man! These guys (and gals) have got their act together! They're talking about a constitution for catholics! Including a Bill of Rights! Far Out! I tried to contact them to see if they would take on SOV2 as a sort of poster child of oppression, but I kept getting put on hold. Guess what! They've got Marty Haugen music playing for people on hold! I called back four times just so I could hear the end of "Gather Us In". I've got to get one of those on-hold music things for SOV2!

Anyway, I got to thinking about the Catholic Bill of Rights, and so, just like William Jefferson and the other founding patriarchs, I just whipped one up:

  1. The Right of the People to Make a Joyful Noise Shall Not Be Infringed

  2. The Right of Womyn to terminate unwanted, uncomfortable, or inconvenient pregnancies Shall Not Be Infringed

  3. The Right of Myn to breast-feed Shall Not Be Infringed

  4. The Right of the People to declare themselves Theologians Shall Not Be Infringed

  5. The Right of Pastors to Be Creative in the Liturgy Shall Not Be Infringed

  6. The Right of Dissident Magazine Editors to remain at Their Posts In Perpetuity Shall Not Be Infringed

  7. The Right of Jesuits to Run as Democrats for Congress Shall Not Be Infringed

  8. It is Perfectly OK to Solicit Applause At any point During the Liturgy

  9. The Vatican Shall Make No Law concerning Sin

  10. Any Right Not Explicitly Stated Above is assumed to be retained by The Peoples


Roman Sacristan said...

Don't forget to have a penumbra. You HAVE to have a penumbra. That way, you can truly be free by using its emanations to support anything you want!

Cuz, you know, consciences are so passe.

In vino veritas,

Father Tim said...


A penumbra? I'm going to have to ask Maryann what that is. Is that like a sportsbra? I've heard of those!

Oh wait... is a penumbra something like the noosphere? I seem to recall reading something like that somewhere. Maybe it was while writing my thesis on Tielhard de Chardin... good times.

Fr. Tim

Roman Sacristan said...

You know Justice Harry Blackmun's use of it? Oh, come on, how can you be a REAL SOV2'er if you don't know about emanations from the penumbra!?!?!?!?!?!

And why doesn't SOV2 church have a womyn pastrix?

You had your chance to win me over and failed.

Forget it, I'm going back to Tradition (with a capital T)


Che' Lovell said...

Hey Roman,

I learned all about penundra when I was communing with L. Ron Hubbard's brain. I think the body thetans like them a lot, but they're way too chewy for me.


Anonymous said...

Don't forget the right to drink lemonade at singles' night with Britnee!

-Taheetee Moonbeam

Che' Lovell said...

Taheetee is RIGHT!

And we should have the right to put extra e's in our names.


Emiliee said...


I've been visiting your site for many weeks now, and you guys rawk! Although I live in Canada, I was wondering if I could join Todd in his music ministry, on occasion. I am fluent in Clavinova, kazoo and harpsichord! I'm kicking myself that I didn't write earlier, because I was in Kingston this very past weekend! We might have even passed each other! Oh well. When did you say the next singles' night was?


Jeff said...

Great faith community! All you guys (uh sorry, I meant to say "persons") are missing is a LGBT ministry!

Here are some links that may prove helpful and give you guys (oops, I did it again! I mean "peoples") some nifty ideas:

Also maybe you could add an ecumenical minister too, so we may all become one under - uh! *cough* *cough* *hack*... SO THAT WE MAY BOW DOWN AND SERVE THE MASTER LORD MUSTAKRAKISH WHO IS KNOWN AS THE CHIEF LEUTENANT OF BAAL, DEVIOURER OF INFANTS, AND DESTROYER OF ENTIRE WORLDS.... *cough* *cough* *hack* ouch what a headache... I don't remember.. What was I talking about? Oh yeah! You should appoint an ecumenical officer so that all Christians and peoples of faith may become one body for the sake of gaia, her daughter sophia, and the life spirit!


Paul, just this guy, you know? said...

Gee, Fr. Tim, didn't you leave out something like, "the Magesterium shall make no law infringing the primacy of individual conscience"?

Father Tim said...

Emiliee - We don't know when the next singles night is because Britnee is still missing. Also, Todd would love to have your charisms in the Joyful Noise Choir, but you'll have to bring your own instruments because Fr. Curt liberated all of ours.

Jeff - Great suggestions! I'm going to work on finding someone to lead our GLBTNA outreach efforts, and someone else to be our Ecumenical Bonding Director. That was a really cool thing about Baal there in the middle of your post! Is that like speaking in tongues? I've heard the pentecostals do that and frankly I'm jealous!

Paul - Your right! Primacy of Conscience should be the first right of the bill of rights! It's the cornerstone that the builders rejected. I need to make some amendments.