Saturday, June 2, 2007

I Am Father Kane

Hello. I am Father Curt Kane of the Appalacian Peace Alliance. Your Fr. Plarvik has asked me to help here at SOV2 during this time of oppression and justifiable rebellion I note that I come at a critical time, as the preceding post clearly indicates by the continuing ability of the ex-Associate Pastor to post onto this blog that there is a noticable lack of security here at SOV2. This is unacceptable. It is time that this faith community realize that there are vast forces arrayed against us. The heirarchy of earth despoiling oligarchs that rules the "mainstream" or "orthodox" movement of Newromanism and Neocatholicism will rest at nothing to destroy the movements of the people. As Fr. Plarvik is still in something of recovery from the heinous events of the last week, it falls to me to organize the resistance, bring this faith community under control, and inaugurate this new era in PeopleLove that will drive SOV2 like a triumphant army into the dawn of a new age of aquarian solidarity with the environment and animals. Also Fr. Plarvik is working on his homily for Sunday's Feast of Dorothy Day celebration.

So that we get off on the right foot, I would like to make you aware of the following changes here at SOV2:

1. There will be no vehicles of any kind on the parish ground.
2. Each parishioner is required to have a carbon footprint no greater than 3.7
3. Access to the grounds will be only through the SouthEast portal
4. Parishioners are not to interfere with the activities of the Brothers of Love, whom I have brought with me from my mission in Molly's Butt. The Brothers of Love can be recognized by their denim attire and by their green caps.
5. Parishioners are henceforth forbidden to wear denim attire or green caps to avoid confusion with the Brothers of Love
6. I have asked Kate Po to prepare identity papers for the faith community.
7. If a Brother of Love asks you to produce your ID papers, you must do so immediately or be escorted from the grounds
8. In order to obtain ID papers, you will be required to recite the Dorothean Creed
9. Music is hereby banned at SOV2 - we will not rejoice until we have victory
10. Members of the faith community are asked not to bring children to mass. Children are to be left in the care of the Brothers of Love for instruction in the Contemplation Temple.

There will be further directives as they become necessary.

Now, I want to reassure you that although some of the above measures may seem harsh, I am a peaceful and kind man with a great heart and a preferential option for the poor. But you don't make an omelette without breaking eggs. I'm afraid to report that I have had some serious issues with Maryann Mcgronk regarding the liturgy, which I find to be too reflective of a rigid traditionalism. Members of SOV2 are herewith directed not to obey Maryann Mcgronk, although she is to have free access to most parts of the physical plant provided she does not leave the grounds, until further notice.


Mary Therese said...

Citizen Kane: could you rehearse the Dorothean Creed for us?

Todd Turk said...

Fr. Tim - as you might expect I'm more thna a little upset about Fr. Kane's coming in here and saying that thres's not going to be any music at SOV2. I can tell you right now that if there's no music there will be no parishioners. It's the choir that keeps us together - communion comes from the music that speaks to the spirit and not from some goons in jean-jackets with funny hats. You need to put your foot down right now and put a stop to this nonsense or there is going to be big trouble. i was talking to Maryann adn boy is she pissed off! Fr. Kane's nazis just seized control of the music room and they;'re not letting the HappySpirit Choir get in and we need to rehearse for the Dorothy Day mass, which by the way is not a feast but a SOLEMNITY which this guy should know if he was a real priest which I kind of doubt. I wish Che was here - the Hugo Chavez brigade wouldn't put up with this but they're sepending all their time in the rectory with Keith's friends and Fr. Kane has his goons in the Contemplation Temple so the only place that I can get to practice is the spiritmaze, but the womyns group is using that. I tried to use the church but Maryann and EcoChurch are in there hanging up Che's banners. HELP!

Anonymous said...

Where IS Fr. Tim?
-Taheetee Moonbeam

Anonymous said...

You are keeping MaryAnn HOSTAGE???? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE????????????

Maryann McGronk said...

What's your problem with ME??? I learned from the BEST!