ALL PARISHIONERS TO YOUR BATTLE-STATIONS!

ATTENTION PARISHIONERS OF SOV2CFC,

THIS IS FATHER CURT KANE. IMPORTANT INTELLIGENCE HAS COME TO THE BROTHERS IN LOVE TO INDICATE THAT AN ASSAULT ON THE CAMPUS IS PLANNED FOR THIS EVENING AT APPROXIMATELY 10 PM E.S.T. THE ASSAULT IS TO BE LED BY FR. JUNO AROYMBA WITH ASSISTANCE FROM THE KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS.

YOU WILL HEAR RUMORS THAT FR. JUNO HAS BEEN JOINED BY MARYANN MCGRONK, THE SPY ADORO, SISTER FAIRAH, TODD TURK, AND EUGENE KRAMER. THIS RUMORS ARE LIES AND AGITPROP. ALL OF THE ABOVE ARE ENGAGED IN A SPECIAL PRAYER SESSION AND ASKED ME TO TELL YOU THAT THEY KNOW YOU WILL DO YOUR DUTY.

AS YOU CAN SEE ON THE BATTLE PLAN, THE HUGO CHAVEZ BATTALLION IS TO BARRICADE THE NORTHWEST PORTAL. THEY WILL BE BACKED UP BY THE YOUTH GROUP, WHO WILL HOLD THE LINE BETWEEN THE RECTORY AND THE CONTEMPLATION TEMPLE. SISTER FAIRAH'S PANTSUIT POSSE WILL COVER THE LAWN NORTH OF THE SPIRIT MAZE, WHILE THE JOYFUL NOISE CHOIR WILL HANDLE THE DEFENSE SOUTH OF THE SPIRIT MAZE. MARYANN'S MARAUDER'S WILL COVER THE SOUTHWEST GREEN, AND THE BROTHERS OF LOVE WILL COVER THE ALL-IMPORTANT SOUTHEAST EXIT.

THE ASSAULT IS EXPECTED TO COME FROM THE NORTHWEST PORTAL, SO THE HUGO CHAVEZ BATTALLION WILL BEAR THE INITIAL BRUNT OF THE ATTACK.

I WILL BE COORDINATING THE DEFENSE FROM AN UNSPECIFIED LOCATION.