Wednesday, December 19, 2007

This OCP thing

Hey Father Tim!

Okay at first I was like okay with this whole thing with the OCP and stuff because I basically didn't understand it or anything. But Todd Turk shows up at our apartment. Not the one in London Towne which is where Keith is still hanging out but our new one at Campus Pointe. I mean Kerri has like spent a lot of money making it look nice and stuff so we can't have Keith over here. Kerri is AWESOME because she really knows what goes with what and she is all about good taste not like some of the other girls I used to date. I mean pretty much anything she says is always right.

Anyway Todd Turk is practically suicidal because he lost his job and Kerri is like "throw him out, remember how mean he was all the time because he made fun of you" and I was like "yah! but he's still a person and stuff" and she said "whatever" and stuff. So I let him in and he kind of collapsesin the living room on the genuine antique Afghan rug. I mean, and he smells like really cheap coffee a lot. I mean a whole lot. Because we only get our coffee from this internet place which gets it direct from Columbia and it's a lot better than what you can get someplace else because Kerri knows all these things.

Anyway, the Todd is all crying all the time and he's so greatfull and stuff but he keeps saying he's going to kill himself and then he drank all our coffee. And anyway, we're supposed to head out this weekend back to Vail to ski some more and I wonder about letting him stay here because he may actually kill himself and then the place might smell bad when we get back.



Sr. Dawn, OSF said...

I suggest to you all, that you fore swear these crypto-chismatic, semi-arian and new age heresies and return to full communion with the Vicar of Christ.

Then, dispose of that OCP dreck you call liturgical music and planning.

Say what's in the black, do what's in the red. Go to Confession, do pennance and strive for holiness.

You'll be much better for it.

And Che--Take Todd to a hospital and tell them he's threatening suicide. That'll get him a three day commital for observation, and you can go skiing with out worry that the house will smell bad.

PS--Fornication is a sin, and by doing so you are putting the woman you love at risk for eternal damnation.

Now, I'm off to Lourdes.

Che' Lovell said...

Hey! Thanks for the advice! We were wondering who we could dump Todd on.

By the way, Kerri and I don't eat meat. Basically I think it's mean to animals and she is trying to stay a size 0.


great ideer said...

Take him skiing with you............

Sr. Dawn, OSF said...

What on Earth do your dietary habits have to do with fornication? Unless, of course, you're abstaining from meat as a means of mortification to overcome a tendency to fornication?

I fear for both your souls! At least, as some one professing to adhere to the "Catholic Faith Tradition" you won't be compounding Lust with Murder by useing contreceptives or barriers.

BTW--One of our Congregations benefactors has generously sent 300 copies of the St. Michaels Hymnal to your Parish, along with Choir and Organ editions.

Che' Lovell said...

Sister Dawn,

I think your really confused because basically pigs are meat and stuff which is why we don't eat them. And about mortification it doesn't matter how you cook it. Even if it's raw you shouldn't eat "flesh." You can talk to the Gorebetines about that.
But Kerri does eat fish and sea food and things which I don't but she does it for health reasons.


Sr. Dawn, OSF said...


I would like to do two things--
read The Catachism of the Catholic Church, vatican edition, and a good dictionary.

Young man--you are at risk for damnation! and your spritual leader is adding caols to the fires that await him by encouraging your concupiscent ways and doctrinal errors.

Say a rosary and remeber what St. Bernadette Subirous said when Our Lady appeared to her: "pennance, pennance, pennance".

The same as was shouted by the Angel at Fatima.

And mortification doesn't mean a cooking technique--it means tameing your own fleash to serve the Lord.

If only I had a ruler and your knuckles....

Anonymous said...

Dear Sister Dawn,

You told Che that he needs to use "a good dictionary." However, I have never run into a nun who needs to use a good dictionary more than you do. Let's fix your many spelling errors now:

WRONG: fore swear
RIGHT: foreswear

WRONG: pennance
RIGHT: penance

WRONG: commital
RIGHT: committal

WRONG: with out
RIGHT: without

WRONG: useing
RIGHT: using

WRONG: contreceptives
RIGHT: contraceptives

WRONG: Congregations [possessive]
RIGHT: Congregation's

WRONG: St. Michaels
RIGHT: St. Michael's

WRONG: Catachism
RIGHT: Catechism

WRONG: vatican
RIGHT: Vatican

WRONG: caols
RIGHT: coals

WRONG: remeber
RIGHT: remember

WRONG: Subirous
RIGHT: Soubirous

WRONG: tameing
RIGHT: taming

No "gold star" for your paper today, Sister. Shape up or ship out, buster!

Agent Jones

Sr. Dawn, OSF said...

Agent Jones--

I am not a teaching sister, and English is not my mother toung. when you can become proficient in Basque, and spell all the words correctly, then you will have room to talk.

Until, keep a respectful tung in you're hed, yungue man!