Friday, December 7, 2007

Sideline Warning!

This is for the groups located in the parking lots now--I am giving you a warning. Stop the rioting before something bad happens.

Agent Smith


Father Tim said...

Hey, thanks Agent Smith - you're not too bad for a fascist jack-booted thug (just kidding - you're the best). Also, as long as your taking care of our various guest interaction problems, can you do something about the East Tennessee Rationalists? We let them meet in the Spirit Hall, and they've barricaded themselves inside. Apparently they've determined that there's some sort of Mayan Comet that's about to strike the earth now that Atlantis has resurfaced, and they're starting to scare our OCP auditors.

Thanks a bunch!

Deacon Bernadette Carnahan said...

I don't see how you have any power to tell a religious organization what to do on its PRIVATE property, SYBLYNG Smith.

Anonymous said...

Dear deaconette,

I looked at your profile, which says that you are a "transitional" deacon and have not left Catholicism. So, pray tell, which Catholic bishop "ordained" you, and to what will you be "transitioning" some day -- housekeeper for the heretical Father Plarvik?

Your profile calls the Catholic Church "phallocentric." What does that make you -- vulvicentric? Maybe your head is up your -- well, you know.

A colleague of Agent Smith

Nils Larssen said...

Agent Smith--

As a fedral Agent, you know that we hold title to this parkinglot through the treaty of 1809. We request that you do your duty, and enforce federal law by expelling all these Squatters and tire burning pyros forthwith--the soots getting on the vinison!

Deacon Bernadette Carnahan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deacon Bernadette Carnahan said...

Dear Mr. Colleague Person,

I don't want to dignify your comment with a response where you use the insulting diminutive "-ette." Just because I'm moving to Knoxville and taking a part-time job cooking organic macrobiotic vegan meals for the SOV2 staff doesn't mean that I'm anything like a HOUSEKEEPER! I am working toward becoming a priest.

If you've been following the major news outlets, you know who ordained me. It is oppressive to say that womyn, who are no different from men except in a few minor organs and how we're socialized as children, cannot become priests. The priesthood is a RIGHT as befits the dignity of all the baptized.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, Sweetie, but I DO follow the news, and you have NOT been mentioned as a recent "ordinanda." Apparently, you have "ordained" yourself and got a mail-order diploma from Holy Apostlettes Seminary.

[On the Internet, there is only one mention of a Bernadette Carnahan, and here it is. Apparently, you're going to be around for more than a millennium.] ...
"Aaosic was also outed as purely-heterosexual in 3038, to great cries of public outrage and widespread heterophobia, but later became lauded for his courage. Ironically, his lover was Bernadette Carnahan, famed champion of the ultimately-doomed Terrestrial Darwinism cause who converted to exogenism soon after Aaosic came to power. She was murdered three years later during an unfortunate altercation with the 300th clone-incarnate of Bernard Sumner."

Now, aren't you ashamed of yourself, failing to live up to your beautiful first name? St. Bernadette of Lourdes (who ate meat) wouldn't dream of opposing the pope, trying to be ordained, etc.. The priesthood is not a "right," but a privilege, a vocation to which only a male is called (by God and his [male] bishop).

But, since you're going to be hanging around Knoxville, maybe you and I can get together for a martini some time? You're kinda cute. Maybe we could have a houseful of kids to homeschool together some day.

Agent Jones (colleague of Agent Smith)

Deacon Bernadette Carnahan said...

I'm just as real as Tim Plarvik and Che Lovell, Mr. Agent Smith Person. My first name was given to me by parents, whose oppressive homeschooling fascist household I barely escaped when I was 18.

Angus McAffee said...

Agent Smith,

I don't know or care what you have planned for all those freaks in the parking lot!

But for Gods sake do something about the sappy music! The neighborhood is considering drastic action--even the gold fish are disgusted!