Monday, December 10, 2007

Carbon Offsets 4 Sale

Hey!

I am always amazed by my fiancee's Kerri's business sense. She is really smart which is why I totally love her absolutely 100%. She is so cool. But to be honest Kerri maybe hasn't always cared about environmental stewardship as much as I have and so we've been talking and she decided that maybe we could work together and find away of combing SOCIAL CONCERN and FIRMLY SOUND ECONOMIC PRINCIPLES. So she has decided to help people who want to be GREEN.

Anyway if you remember a while back I was selling SOV2 trees? Well this is like taking SOV2 trees to a new level. Kerri has taken some of her money and founded a research lab: The Albert Gore Junior Center for Really Awesome Green Energy Research. I named part of it. Basically the way it works is that it is going to solve all the energy problems by producing energy from sunlight, wind, rain, tides, geothermal, and carbon free biofuels like methanol but NOT NUCLEAR.

Anyway as you know right now you and your SUVs are producing something like 5000 million tons of CO2 a year. Divide that by 6 billion or so people and... wait let me get my calculator... Hey Kerri! Whats 5000 million divided by 6 billion? Oh yah. Thanks! Anyway basically you produce about a ton of CO2 a year because you don't care about the environment. If you are an American multiply that by 5 because you are fat and lazy and watch too much TV. If you are canadian multiply by 2 because you store your beer in some old refridgerator. Anyway, that's your Carbon footprint.

So, the research lab is going to eliminate all that. We estimate its going to cost us something like 75 trillion dollars. Now if you take the 75 trillion dollars and divide by 5000 million you will find that... wait... okay... here it is 25,000 dolars per ton of CO2. Okay, so basically that's what it's going to cost per person on Earth too. Anyway, I know it's like really hard for a lot of you to do math because you aren't trained scientists like me and Al Gore and stuff but what I am saying is that if you are an American you owe me 125,000 and if you are Canadian you owe me 250,000.

And don't think I am thinking I am somehow above making environmental sacrifices. I am going to be CEO and pay myself a really reasonable salary of 500,000. Half of that I am going to donate to my own company. So I am only going to make 250,000 a year which is really cheep for a CEO.

Che'

4 comments:

CresceNet said...

Oi, achei seu blog pelo google está bem interessante gostei desse post. Gostaria de falar sobre o CresceNet. O CresceNet é um provedor de internet discada que remunera seus usuários pelo tempo conectado. Exatamente isso que você leu, estão pagando para você conectar. O provedor paga 20 centavos por hora de conexão discada com ligação local para mais de 2100 cidades do Brasil. O CresceNet tem um acelerador de conexão, que deixa sua conexão até 10 vezes mais rápida. Quem utiliza banda larga pode lucrar também, basta se cadastrar no CresceNet e quando for dormir conectar por discada, é possível pagar a ADSL só com o dinheiro da discada. Nos horários de minuto único o gasto com telefone é mínimo e a remuneração do CresceNet generosa. Se você quiser linkar o Cresce.Net(www.provedorcrescenet.com) no seu blog eu ficaria agradecido, até mais e sucesso. If is possible add the CresceNet(www.provedorcrescenet.com) in your blogroll, I thank. Good bye friend.

Deacon Bernadette Carnahan said...

Isn't methanol that stuff Big Tobacco puts in cigarettes in the inner city in order to oppress our syblyngs of African descent?

ignorant redneck said...

Nope deaconette girl perzon! It's whut u git whin you ain't careful bout sawdust iinna mash fer Granpappis fule.

ifn yu git it in their, yu kain'tnt charge much fur it. onna cownna it makes yu sicker'n 3 day colt within the kollywobbles!

Che' Lovell said...

What will differentiate our methanol from everybody else's is that ours won't contain any carbon at all because it will be made from the sun.

Che'