Sunday, October 7, 2007

Group Discussion

Hello Dear Friends!

I am so happy to be back in here among you today. Special thanks to Keith and his friends for loaning me some special electrical equipment. Before we begin today, let us all take a moment and reflect on the many of us who can not be here today because they were electrocuted, suffered contusions, abrasions, lacerations, and so forth, or were trapped under the collapsing earth wall at yesterday's obstacle course event. Che' personally asked me to convey his sympathies and regrets.

Today, we are trying something a little different. As you can see on the back of your folding chairs has been placed a random letter from A to F. If you could look at that letter. Yes, let's take a moment.... now I want all the letter A's to come up here, all the letter B's to go back to the font, the C's to go to the spirit grotto on the east side and the D's to the spirit grotto over there. E's please form a circle just over there to my right. Yes move around the chairs a little, and F's if you could do the same on the right.

Thanks, we'll wait a moment for everybody to get comfortable.

Now please, everyone, yes I know... yes... I'm sorry but yes small children need to go with the letter they were assigned. No... NO! I'm sorry but there will be plenty of people who will love them in whatever group... HEY! I don't care if you didn't have a letter! PEOPLE be QUIET! LOOK... NO THERE IS NO GROUP 'O.' THAT IS A LETTER 'C.' Look, we need to become comfortable with each other. Can we all take a moment and hug the person next to us? Yes. I mean it. YES HUG THEM NOW!

ALL RIGHT! NOW I WON'T TURN THE LIGHTS BACK ON UNTIL EVERYONE STOPS SCREAMING!

Look, as you know I am plugged into the internet and I have found ways of controlling almost every aspect of your lives. Do you want to ever get a car loan again? Yes? Well than do as I say!

Thank You.

Now. Instead of a 'homily' let us remember that we are all church and so we are all called to the royal priesthood. Yes, sometimes we all need a facilitator, but we don't... WILL SOMEONE SHUT THAT BABY UP!

Thank you. Now I want us all to reflect. PLEASE KEEP IT DOWN! I want us all to reflect on when it was in life that we felt that the institution had wronged us and we... YOU TWO OVER THERE. I CAN SEE YOU ARE NOT TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY! STOP TALKING AND START REFLECTING! Look, there will be time to discuss this in more detail... WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? People, I am getting tired of this. I want you all to SHUT UP and think about times in your life when institutions have not treated you with the dignity that you deserve. It could be when a priest told you that your lifestyle... HEY! THIS IS NOT A NURSERY! I DON'T CARE IF SHE WANTS HER MOTHER! WE ARE ALL MOTHERS AND SISTERS AND BROTHERS.

Honestly, you people ARE WORTHLESS! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF ALL YOU LAZY PEOPLE! YOU NEVER SING, YOU NEVER AGITATE, ALL YOU DO IS JUST SIT THERE LIKE SHEEP! I know you are all drivelling morons compared to my intellect, but why is it so difficult to manipulate you. I am SICK of trying to be nice! I am sick of trying to persuasive! You are so stupid and thick-skulled!

SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME! Oh I am making the children cry? How do you know its not YOU who are making the children cry?

How many of you can actually tie your own shoes? Let's see a show of hands. Ha! See! You can't even raise your hands. YOU'RE TOO STUPID! At least I don't have any hands but what's your excuse you imbeciles! WHY ARE YOU LIKE SHEEP?

We could have had the ideal socialist state! We could have a perfect inclusive society! But no! You are too stupid and LAZY! All you want to do is watch football and drink beer and listen to Garth Brooks! You expect to come here and be CODDLED? I won't coddle you! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET UP AND DO SOMETHING?

Okay. Ha ha ha. Maybe we weren't ready for this yet... okay... all right. HEY PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN! I know your social security numbers... I can...
PUT ME....

3 comments:

ignorant redneck said...

H. roberts new our numbers? Was he won of thoghs big corpserations or jus prt of the okkkuptation govmenrant?

I thinked yu were freadum peple, but I don no nowe.

best be rid o hem cuz he's most like an informeranter.

Father Tim said...

Hey! Great job on the homily, H. Robert! I bet you really shook people up and got them out of their "comfort zone" with that fake-angry reprimand from the pulpit stuff. I was doubled over with laughter at your imitation of those "fire-and-brimstone" dour old priests. I wish I could have been there in person to see it! I bet the faith communicants gave you a standing ovation afterwards!

Cygnus said...

Have you been listening to Steve Taylor lately?