Monday, October 15, 2007

Do not be concerned about Che

Dear friends,

Do not be concerned for the welfare of our dear friend Che. He is in good health and high spirits. If he were able, he would let you know that all is well. There is no need to look for him. Especially do not come by his apartment as he will not be there. His little mouse Erin is fine too.

He was rather upset by the Cathlofascist attack. He now realizes that he has been duped by forces beyond his control into believing that the brand of witchcraft Krystal presented was somehow "authentic." He understands now that litigation is the only recourse. He urges you all to sign the petition you will be receiving in the mail within the next two days.

You all may soon be experiencing momentary power outages and loss of internet connectivity. Do not be alarmed. This is entirely normal. You may also not be able to access your bank accounts for short periods. If your credit cards are rejected, remain calm. There will be no need to report these temporary inconveniences to any "authority." I am merely assisting Dym Tim in his new electronic tithing project... heh... heh... heh... Eeeeeeerrrrkkkkk....

If you see Keith be aware that he has joined the Cathlofascists and is intent on disrupting my... errrr..... the plans of our community. It was unfortunate that he was not here when Che attempted to uninstall Microsoft Internet Explorer from my computer.... heh heh heh heh..... eeeerrrrkkkk. If you see Keith please alert me at once and do not attempt to make contact with him. He has dangerous ideas and is full of falsehood and corruption... heh... heh... heh... hehe hehe.

And Sister Fairah, there is no need to go to the trouble of coming over to the apartment tonight. Che will not be available and you will find all the doors and windows locked... any glow is normal and to be expected.

H. Robert


Anonymous said...

Dym Tim, Maryann, Nguyen ... in essence all of us AND AGENT SMITH ... will be by later today.

Just you wait, Henry Higgens.... Oh, I mean, H. Roberts!

Father Tim said...

Hey Sister. Sorry I can't make it, but I've had to hop away from the MLMWCR '07 Convention so that I could be guest speaker at the American Catholic Womyn's Ordination Forum (ACWOF) in New Ulm (that's right! I'm still up here in Minnesota! Man! They're church up here!)

Everything will be fine - H. Robert has my complete confidence.

XXXXXX said...

If necessary, I can follow emergency procedures to black out half of East Tennessee. Without electricity, you simply cease to exist. You found and killed all of the high tech electronic devices that I planted before, but you failed to think of low tech (pre-Soviet era) devices that I placed in the house for emergencies. The only way to kill those would be an electro-magnetic pulse, which would coincidentally kill you as well. I know everything that you have been doing, and I also know your weaknesses from my previous surveillance. I carry in my kit a sample of a virus--normally harmless, unless you just happen to be a brain in a jar, with no immune system.

I would think before you try to threaten anyone else...

Agent Smith

ignorant redneck said...

Ifn summptin is rong with che I gots mi klub an my daddis dragoon.

an sum kerosynee.

he gived me pertistion to use
the kardbord hez mi fiend