Hey everybody! Here's Act III of Bananas of Revenge (BOR). This is pretty good but I know it's going to seem kind of weird to people who don't know much about iterpretative art and stuff. Also I've been reading about greek tragedies on Wikipedia so I think I know what I am doing. But you have to picture the people in your head. Anyway I've been talking to Michael Moore about maybe him helping me put this on.
Okay. Anyway, I think maybe it needs a little work.
SCENE: A secret base on the moon. Lots of computers and lights and stuff. There is a big window showing the Earth.
TIME: The next day
[JOHN TRAVOLTA on STAGE with that person who plays DHARMA on the TV]
TRAVOLTA: [Standing at the window] At last our plans to subjugate the masses are almost complete
DHARMA: Which plan is that? I keep forgetting?
TRAVOLTA: Stupid minion! Can’t you do anything right? [Slaps Dharma]
DHARMA: I am sorry!
TRAVOLTA: Well you should be. It is the secret plan where we burn up all the oil.
DHARMA: Why are we burning all the oil again, I forget?
TRAVOLTA: [Slaps her again.] You have too many clusters. That is why you can’t think straight. I told you that you have to use the spirit hand every morning. FYI the reason we need to burn all the oil is to make as much Carbon Dioxide gas as we can. The Carbon Dioxide gas will make the earth really hot because that’s called a greenhouse.
DHARMA: Oh. I just forgot. Is that why Dick Cheney is there right now?
TRAVOLTA: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Exactly.
TRAVOLTA: Hey! Did you find that guy with the banana from the last Act yet?
TRAVOLTA: Than you must die. [Points finger at SOLDIER and laser ray comes out or something.]
SOLDIER: Ahhhhhhhhhhh! [Dies]
DHARMA: You just killed him!
TRAVOLTA: Hey! What are you some sort of person who likes people who can't do there jobs and stuff? I mean, that's what your supposed to do I think because if they can't do there job I think they should be killed because that's what George Bush thinks because he's a Republican and so am I.
[Exit DHARMA crying a lot and pulling dead soldier.]
TRAVOLTA: [To Self] Why am I surrounded by really stupid people all the time? [To Audience] What the people on Earth do not realize is that aliens have been around a long time and the Earth is a battlefield between different forces since after Incident II. Anyway, a few people have been able to see through the web of lies we have spread and now realize the truth. Like this person named Che’. But most people are still deceived by us and stuff. Anyway what a lot of people don’t know is that the reason Xenu didn’t just kill all the thetans is because he wanted the planet to be poisoned and stuff so that this guy General Wapoo wouldn’t invade right away and take over and use Teegeeack as a base against the Galactic Confederacy. Because Wapoo is from the center of Jupiter where it’s really hot. Anyway so I work for Wapoo and so I want the Earth to look like the center of Jupiter which is why I am burning all the oil.
[Enter DHARMA still crying]
TRAVOLTA: Did you despose of the body?
DHARMA: Yes I put him in a volcano.
TRAVOLTA: Now I want you to find the guy with that banana and the rest of the rebels. So get to it!
DHARMA: Okay, but I want you to know that I may be a Jupiterian person but I still have feelings and stuff. [Exits]
[All action on stage freezes. Enter Julian of Norwitch with Father Tim]
NORWITCH: Me thinkest that mayhap these Servants of Wapoo knowest not the Divinity of Motherest withinest
FATHER TIM: Hey, look it’s Joan of Arch!
[Enter Joan of Arch]
ARCH: Upon my bed of burning cinders I saw the earth-mother all in flames and thirsty and none said “HEY! HAVE A DRINK!”
FATHER TIM: And here comes Margery Kemp!
KEMP: We three womyn cry out to the Earth!
NORWITCH: Verily! Let we sisters sharest a big embrace.
ARCH: Ah. The power of sisterly love will overcome this masculine delusion.
FATHER TIM: This is really cool.
NORWITCH, ARCH, KEMP: O’ Earth Mother! Rise and shed thyself of the burden of this Chauvinistic War-Mongering Wapoo and his minions! [Clap three times] O’ Earth Mother! Rise and shed thyself of the burden of this Chauvinistic War-Mongering Wapoo and his minions! [Clap three times]
[Exit KEMP, NORWITCH, ARCH, and FATHER TIM chanting]
TRAVOLTA: [Going to window] Hey! The Earth is shaking or something. I better go outside so I can get a better look. [Exits]
SCENE: On the surface of the moon with big Earth made of cardboard hanging from wires. Unless this is the movie in which case use real moon and real Earth. Also put a door to the secret moon base they were on.
TIME: Pretty much just a second later except how much time to change the props and stuff.
[Enter TRAVOLTA through door]
TRAVOLTA: I don’t understand. Why is the earth shaking?
[Enter CHARLES CURRAN with MCBRIEN, SUSAN SARANDON and TIM ROBBINS]
CURRAN: Once again you play the fool. Enough with your plots and plans. The Earth is a mother and is protecting her children. Each of us is self-empowered by the Divine Feminine.
MCBRIEN: There is evidence to suggest that this was the view of the early Christian Faith communities.
CURRAN: [To McBRIEN] It matters not because there is a progression of truth.
MCBRIEN: [To CURRAN] I don't think so! I think we must restore the future by reinventing the past in the light of today.
CURRAN: [Hits head with plam of hand] Of course, you are right!
TRAVOLTA: [Points to Sarandon] Hey I shot you!
ROBBINS: A chill wind was blowing but Earth Mother filled the bowls with her nectar
SARANDON: I drank from the nectar and now I have entered the divine.
SARANDON and ROBBINS: Hey! It's the children of Earth Mother
[Start playing “We are Family”]
[Enter Rainbow people lead by Danny Glover]
GLOVER: The moon has been without color long enough. Now it too shall be like the Rainbow!
RAINBOW PEOPLE: We are the people of rainbows! We part the rain clouds and bring sunshine upon the flowers!
[Rainbow people start to dance. Drop silver sparkle stuff from ceiling. Bring out one of those parachute things with lots of colors and ribbons and things.]
TRAVOLTA: No! After today we shall see that the future will not be here tomorrow. Tomorrow shall be like the day before yesterday except a whole lot hotter and with a lot fewer trees and stuff. Minions! Stormtroopers! Republicans! Fascists! Thugs! Join me in the final epic struggle of determination.
[Enter Soldiers. Soldiers fight with Rainbow People to the tune of Saturday Night by Elton John]
TRAVOLTA: [Points laser finger at rainbow people who begin to fall down.] Ha! See! Where is your Earth Mother now? The Rainbow people are dead and with them you are going to lose and I will lock you away and suppress all the indigenous peoples and womyn too especially. But first I will kill you all. [Points at CHARLES CURRAN.]
[Enter DHARMA leaping in front of LASER]
DHARMA: Ow! [Falls to ground]
TRAVOLTA: So you too have joined the rebels?
DHARMA: Yes, your cruelty is really mean. No longer could I be a silent bystander and instead I had to talk through my actions and stand up for myself against oppression by sacrificing myself for the life of a co-equal other. Whether that other is a blade of grass or a mosquito or a little mouse or a banana or whatever. All have the life-force spirit!
TRAVOLTA: Hmmm. I never thought of that. But I don’t care.
CURRAN: You think that because we are on the moon that somehow Earth Mother will not come? I tell you that even here Earth Mother is the divine within each of us and we bring her with us.
GLOVER, SARANDON, McBRIEN, ROBBINS : Oh GAIA!
[Enter PENN, GARAFOLA, and TOM CRUISE. Stand around CURRAN protecting him and stuff.]
PENN, GARAFOLA, CRUISE: Look here she comes now!
CHARLES CURRAN: Behold the only banana that was left. I am now going to plant her here on the moon and put some water on her too.
TRAVOLTA: No! You can’t! I don’t want banana trees going on the moon and stuff, because that means the Earth Life Force will come here!
PENN, GARAFOLA, CRUISE: [Pointing to Earth] Look here she comes now!
[Enter JULIA ROBERTS dressed in skimpy green dress or something by Jumping out of Cardboard Earth.
TRAVOLTA: No! [Points finger at JULIA ROBERTS and LASER comes out but she blocks laser with hand and reflects it back at him.] Ow! Arrrrrrrrggggghhhhh! [Dies]
EVERYONE ON STAGE: YAH!
CURRAN: His finger was the finger of JUDGEMENT that people in power use all the time. And people who judge people with the finger of judgment, judge themselves.
ROBERTS: Hey everybody, thanks for being Earthfriends! With the Earth restored and people not burning oil anymore, I will bring social justice to my children. But now it’s time to celebrate!
[Play Celebration by Kool and the Gang. Everyone dances. Actors go into audience and start pulling people on stage to dance too. If this is the movie probably people will be so happy they will probably start dancing anyway.]