Dear Sisters and Brothers,
I have good news. All is prepared for tonight's Incorporated Liturgy of Reparations and Responsibility Acceptance for Abuses in Regards to Really Mean things done to Witches, Non-human Animals, Indigenous Peoples, and people who like Dancing. Special non-baked bread shall be used for the Gorebertines, we have removed all objects containing animal-based glues and adhesives for the representatives of PETA, and a special pentagram has been placed over a raised dais as a sign of unity with our Wiccan sisters and brothers. Sadly, the Hugo Chavez brigade will not be able to attend as it is their traditional bowling night.
There will also be a special taped message from one of the nicest and most spiritual friends of the Earth. A man who has certainly been under appreciated and hardly recognized for his pangean effort to save us from our own folly.
Furthermore, there is a "special surprise planned..." heh, heh, heh, heh... errr... a special event tonight that none of you will want to miss. I can't say what it is... heh heh haha BWHAHAHA.... errr... because it is going to be so special but as a hint let me just say that NONE OF YOU COULD POSSIBLY GUESS WHAT IS IN STORE FOR YOU TONIGHT! BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! ...errrr... get there early for the best seats possible.
We have removed all the folding chairs so you all may be more comfortable on the floor. Please also bring your prayer rugs.
H. Robert Williams