Sunday, July 22, 2007

Sr. Fairah

Hi, everyone.

I just got back from dropping Sr. Fairah off. Please remember her in your wishes this week.

The other day I found her wandering around in the Spirit Maze, and at first I didn't want to bother her because I thought she was just chanting Buddhist mantras, and it sounded like she was speaking another language. But then I could hear a couple words, and saw how disorganized she was, it didn't look like a real meditation. And the words she was mumbling, the ones I could understand, anyway, were "Sir Feeney" and "latin" and some other stuff.

So I managed, with the promise of gree tea leaves, to get her to come back with me, and I called Fr. Tim. He took some time off retreat to meet with us, and by then Sr. Fairah was more coherent, but obviously very shaken up.

She explained the horrors of her childhood. Honestly, her parents should be behind bars, and everyone like them! It's a wonder she survived at all! Get this! Would you believe that they would not let her have any dinner until she could conjugate ten latin vebs, and they wouldn't even let her sleep until she could recite the "potter nose ter"! Whatever that is. And that was all at the tender age of FOUR!

That's * THIS MANY * !

Wow. I'm glad my parents didn't make me speak latin.

Obviously latin is very dangerous.

So anyway, Fr. Tim suggested that Sr. Fairah go on retreat, so she's not going to be around for awhile. They won't let her use the computer and even took her iphone away from her.

I'm supposed to ask you all, that when you pray for her, don't use latin...and that goes for YOU Adoro! Ugh! I don't even wanna say your name, for fear it will hurt Sr. Fairah!

Her pain is totally centered around latin, so if you pray for her in latin, it wouldn't be very church to her. She is working on becoming one with the Universe and the Universe knows when one of you does this and what you put out there will come back to you. Karma, baby. Karma.

Anyway, I don't want to be mysterous or make this all seem to be a shameful thing for Sr. Fairah, and she told me to pass on to you all that she is at a wonderful retreat center recharging her batteries. She looks forward to coming back and ministering to you all again.

12 comments:

Hidden One said...

Deus vobiscum.

Rae said...

Stop it! You're huuuurting her!!

Anonymous said...

Sr. Fairah,
We feel ad nauseum what you are saying. I think the Motu Proprio (or is it the Norvus Ordo) that is contributing to your illness.

Rest up, take time off, be church to your womynhood, just like Fr. Tim would do. Your morbi will subside, and your valentis will rise again.

Ave Fairah!

Che' Lovell said...

Hey Maryann! Yah I was wondering why Sister wasn't there to do the sermon today because i was like "HEY! WHOSE GONNA DO THE SERMON" and "HEY! WHERE'S SISTER FAIRAH?" but she wasn't there.

Father Tim said to me after the involuntary lock-in thing to let someone else do sermons. But I think I did okay.

Anyway I am so sick of latin and stuff too.

Che'

Laurie said...

Potter Nose? Does that have something to do with Harry Potter? Maybe her family was just teaching ritual magick--and how cool is THAT?!

Anonymous said...

Hi, Maryann.

Myn! That retreat center is out of sight! Benedictine nuns are the best, bar none.

I saw that they have "Morning Praise" in the early morning five days a week, BUT ... They have "Morning Praise" at 9 PM on Saturday and Sunday nights, which will let Sr. Fairah sleep in on Sunday and Monday mornings!

I've been wondering how Sister pronounces her name.

(1) Is the accent on the first or second syllable? FAIrah or faiRAH?

(2) Does the first syllable rhyme with "fair" (as in her good looks) or with "fire" (as in hell)?

(3) Did she take her "name in religion" from "Pharoah" or from "Farrah" (as in Fawcett-Majors) or something else?

Thanks.
J

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC said...

Sr. Fairah has been knocked out of commission? The evil she-heretic of the SPV2 sewer is locked away in some heterodox mountain stronghold, cut off from the world? I have only one response:
Nunc dimittis servum tuum...

I would like Sister to know that I will reciting on her behalf, every day, a certain Latin oath that she would do well to someday say herself!

If the "Fr." Tim or Heretic Che' would kindly provide me with Sister's ground address, I will even pay mine own enemy a sick visit. Of course, I shall bring along my stack of Latin-edition Truly True Church Today magazine back issues to read to her.

Cordially,
Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC
Vocations Director

Dr. Kanjith Hamastewphmiematama said...

Silly Catholic-type people,

It is obvious to this doctor that Sr. Fairah is suffering from an acute case of Chakra-karma misalignment due to an infiltration of Latin conjugations into her cerebral cortext. She needs plenty of rest, green tea, and hour upon hour of Tantric yoga.

She must work through this evil Latin colonialism by rechanneling her chakras (via encounter with her previous life-states)to flow freely into her interior aura, thereby reinforcing her Life Force and allowing her to once again enter into the Cosmic Labyrinth of eternal Womyn Conciousness.

By the mighty power of the She-Force-who-is-called-God, I command the evil Conjugations of Latin Oppression to flee from Sister's body!

Dr. Kanjith Hamastewphmiematama
Osawatomie State Hospital

Christina said...

Wow, I wish my parents had made me learn Latin, I only learned French. Latin seems much cooler.

The Pater Noster is the Our Father in Latin. I looked it up on this website. It's pretty!

"PATER NOSTER, qui es in caelis, sanctificetur nomen tuum. Adveniat regnum tuum. Fiat voluntas tua, sicut in caelo et in terra. Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie, et dimitte nobis debita nostra sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris. Et ne nos inducas in tentationem, sed libera nos a malo. Amen."

Since it has all the prayers, perhaps I can learn to pray the Rosary in Latin, and then I'll say one for Sister.

Mother Tissier de Mallerais, CRBLSSL said...

(Click Click!)
Now, all you youngens play nice! I won't have ya a'taunting and making fun outta the poor sick "sister", whether she be a heretic or no! The poor woman needs rest and a good dose of the Baltimore Catechism if ya ask me!

I see I have my work cut off for me, getting you wee skamps in order and trained! It'll a' be the ruler for the lot of you!

Now fly straight or sod off! There's a plenty of those apostate Protestant schools for ya to partake of such nonsense in!

--Mother Tissier de Mallerais, CRBLSSL

mi comrade said...

I don't know how professional I'd regard that retreat center as...I mean, they use Geocities for the page! May as well say to RadTrad hackers "GET ME!"

Has poor sister lost touch with her inner feminine divine? Much sadness... Is it acceptable to "pray" for her in langauges other than Latin? I'd say it wouldn't be being very Church to non-native English speakers here otherwise!

SimplySisterMary said...

I could have told you that woman was on her way to a breakdown. I won't even go into some of the obnizious things she said when she was here.

Yes, I'm still keeping my eyes on you people.... you are so sad! Get a Catechism, Dubay's books, and learn your faith. Really, a brain is dead if the person is dead.

I repeat: you are so sad!