Wednesday, July 18, 2007

About Krystal

Hey there's been some questions about Krystal. Because some people say she's just a fake and some people say no she's real and some people say she's cool and some people say she's mean.

Well Krystal kind of stared hanging out with us because she was at Toddy's one of the times we went to play darts and I thought she was real earthy and things and the kind of person we want in our Eco-Church project. Anyway, the whole spell thing was kind of neat but she didn't explain really except to say that there's all this power and chanelling and things and mystic energy and magnetic rocks. And she was all interested in the Crusader Guy because he looked so middle ages. So while she was looking for a place to stay I said she could hang out with Keith and me. Then Keith was all excited because of the frog potion which he said was really awesome but like I said I didn't want to drink a ground up frog and I wasa wondering how church that really is to use one of your fellow creatures for some sort of mystic transport and take toad-spirit even if it is both "akin" to the earth, tree, animal, and water spirits.

Keith said he wants to see if we can commune with H. Robert and Krystal could help. I did want him (H. Robert) to see if he could talk to L. Ron Hubbard's brain because there both a lot alike because both of them only start with an initial so maybe there in the same place or something. But the truth is Krystal gives me the creeps becuase she's almost right out of an Scooby Doo episode. So I don't want her to do anything at all.

Anyway yesterday I told her something about that and how I didn't want her making all those weird noises and cooking potions on our stove because it upsets Erin and that she couldn't hang out at our place anymore and she kind of freaked out and stuff which I didn't like. I'm hoping that maybe Krystal goes away soon because she keeps putting curses on people and I don't want her using Erin or any of Erin's babies in one of her spells and she says sometimes Baal demands sacrifices because she says she is a "true pagan" not like all the fake pagans who only pretend to worship the gods but that she is a descendent of Morgan La Fey.

And so I thought I'd say something just to make sure everybody knows especially because I think Father Tim might take out a restraining order.



Anonymous said...

Can we get Fr. Juno back for a little while? He mentioned something about dealing with Santeria and Voodoo and things like that...


Anonymous said...

That's not tolerant of Fr. Tim we need to especialy accept the pagans, they are more in touch with Gaia than we catholics are, especialy with dictator Benedict running the show.

And that Crusader guy and Krystal should hook up, they probably both bathe about the same amount. he's not very church, so Krystal would have to break out some Tantric yoga or something and get him loosened up and groovy. Sister would have to forgive him for killing her bro and stuff too.

What a good opportunity to be church!

Rebecca said...

I think it is very wrong of you to exclude Krystal from the community just because YOU are uncomfortable with her style of worship. I don't think that you are being Church at all! You are being close-minded and judgmental.

Shame on you!

Now Krystal shouldn't use Erin or her babies in her pagan worship, but not because you are uncomfortable with it (bigot!), but because as our fellow creatures they have a right to exist which is equal to and in some cases greater than ours.

If she really is a "true pagan" and not some kind of wannabe then we should accept her with open and loving arms and learn as much about her worship practices as we can. Who knows what we might learn from our persecuted sister? I mean, are we church or aren't we?

Che' Lovell said...

Rebecca and Anonymous person!

It's me Che'. I just want you to know that I am okay with wiccan people and pagans and stuff and yah Father Tim said pretty much the same thing that they teach us how we're all children of the earth and as I said I was like "hang out with us!" and she said that "but your catholics" and I said "yah! but we're different." and I had her teach people spells and stuff and that was all great.

But then she said "H. Robert why don't you have this frog tea!" and he did and the next thing you know he's with L. Rob Hubbards brain and Curtis now.

And she uses LIVE ANIMALS in her spells and she doesn't like Erin because Erin's really cute. And she's putting curses on everybody. So I think I understand her quite well enough now thank you very much.

And if Crusader Guy would take her I'd be really happy because than she would be somewhere else not here.

I mean she uses Goat blood and she had it in the refridgerator. I mean is she really being church to goats and frogs and things?


radtradchad said...

Fr. Plarvik,

I seriously hope you reconsider my offerings of Holy Water for your parish. I was a bit thrown when at the picnic I had took a break from the festivities to pray the Angelus. When I reached into the font, it was filled with marbles and sand! Then I just found it obnoxious, but now I am concerned that you have welcomed the demonic upon your parish and GOD'S WRATH upon the city of Knoxville!

-Fr. Chadwick LeJanvier, SSLI

Father Tim said...

Hey Fr. Chad! Do you know any priests that might come by and do one of those exorcism things on the sly? Things are getting really bizarre around here. I tried to do an exorcism using the Spirit of Vatican II, but I can't for the life of me find my copy of the Post Conciliar Documents. I mean, I've got it virtually memorized, so I haven't had to read the documents for years and years. I was trying to remember the part about where Catholics no longer believed in the devil or hell, but I can't remember the exact phrases.

Che' Lovell said...

Hey! Yah! I am getting freaked out all over the place because I swear the ivy in the spirit maze tried to attack me! And I'm pretty sure that it was the kudzu I planted so it should like me and stuff. I mean doesn't the earth know where the people that are doing all the stewardship? I can understand it attacking republicans and traditionalists.


radtradchad said...

Fr. Heidrich and I have performed many exorcisms without diocesan approval. We even recommend the longer form of the Prayer to St. Michael that Ratzinger prohibited as head of the CDF to our parishoners.

-Fr. Chadwick LeJanvier, SSLI

Dr. Kanjith Hamastewphmiematama said...

I wandered over to this site to confirm that my client, Mr. Feeney, is having his Psychiatric Privacy rights violated. I see that his reports were accurate and I will be lodging a formal complaint with your pastor/swami.

As an aside, it is obvious to this devout Hindu that all these so-called paranormal happenings in your faith community are merely a result of your own suppressed Christian memories of Crusades and witch burnings. I recommend a healthy round of free trial prescription drugs from Pfizer and Merck, and three hours of meditation to Ganesh every day for the lot of you silly Catholics.

Monotheism? Oh my many gods, how silly! What happens if your god is away on business? Who covers for him?

Good day sirs and madames.

Dr. Kanjith Hamastewphmiematama
Osawatomie State Hospital