Romans Chapter 1

Hi Folks! Thanks for that get well card I received. It really lightened my spirits to know that there are so many of you who care about me! I'm sorry I coudn't be there at the rest of the picnic but as you know I was gravely injured by that delusional fellow. I so much wanted to eat some more of that lovely fried chicken.

Anyway, I don't know if I told you but I am working on an updated bible. One that I think more clearly reflects the intent of the authors if they were alive today. We don't know who wrote the bible, or even for that matter what books really belong in it. But as an historical text it is quite interesting. Some of the advice is quite good, but some, unfortunately shows that many of the authors were mired in the masculofascist values of their backwards contemporary culture. As I update the text I always ask myself questions like "what would Saul/Paul say to us today? What would he think? How would he experience the god/goddess earth-spirit in contemporary language? One troubling text is Romans. Many Christians are confused by the harsh language Paul uses. However, we know that it contains many glosses and extrapolations.

To help you on your spiritual journey I give you a draft of my updated text to the first chapter of the letter traditionally ascribed to Paul to the community of Rome. Or as I call it "Paul to Everybody" (Notice how much more readable my version is)

Everybody (Romans)

Chapter 1

1. Hey its me Paul! Just one of the womyn/men trying to do what’s right, 2 Like a lot of people before me, 3 rapping about the redeemer who had some whacked out ancestor, 4 but by her/his/its coolness we like to think of as pretty righteous!

5 Hey we’re all church to each other now 6 even people who other people have said in the past are gnarly. 7 I’m talking to the diverse world community which is called to be cool. Peace people from the spirit!

8. Thanks folks because you know how to be church to each other. 9 My conscience tells me I’m doing awesome and I’m thinking about you folks, 10 and hoping that I’ll get to hang out with you soon. 11 Because I know you can’t get enough of me 12 and I like hanging out with you too.

13 Hey, I’m serious! I’ve wanted to fellowship and build community with you like I have with my other friends but things have come up. 14 I’ve got obligations to all sorts of strange folks 15 which is why I wanted to talk to you folks in particular.

16 I’m not embarrassed about being a “Christian”. It’s cool, and one of many ways to find happiness. 17 There are some sensible things worth listening to like “We’re all okay” 18 Remember the god/goddess spirit loves you and says “Hey kids, come on home!” 19 But hey! You don’t need me to tell you that because you can figure that out for yourself! 20 Because you can see earth-spirit in all the flowers and leaves and fuzzy animals and such.

21 So don’t get all up tight but relax and take time to breathe in a pristine environment and do some yoga poses. 22 Because “it’s all good.” 23 No matter where, you are you can experience earth mother!’ 24 Just chill and feel free to explore and experiment and don’t get hung up by all those preachy-preachy sermons some people are always spewing forth. 25 Earth mother loves you and it will be okay.

26 Alternative life-styles for women are good! 27 Hey it’s your body! That goes for you too fellas. 28 Just don’t forget to say “Thanks god/goddess spirit!” every now and then. 29 So that you don’t become like those people who are always telling other people what to do. They gossip 30 and always go on about scandals and are looking for people to put down. They are rigid and traditional and narrow minded. 31 They are not-academic and mean spirited! 32 They want everybody to be cathlofascists just like them and weigh them down by the heavy burden of tradition although they know the god/goddess-spirit is really about Tolerance, Acceptance, and Inclusivity!

I hope to work on Chapter 2 but I'm feeling pretty tired and am going back to bed.

Best wishes,

H. Robert