Friday, July 6, 2007

Romans Chapter 1

Hi Folks! Thanks for that get well card I received. It really lightened my spirits to know that there are so many of you who care about me! I'm sorry I coudn't be there at the rest of the picnic but as you know I was gravely injured by that delusional fellow. I so much wanted to eat some more of that lovely fried chicken.

Anyway, I don't know if I told you but I am working on an updated bible. One that I think more clearly reflects the intent of the authors if they were alive today. We don't know who wrote the bible, or even for that matter what books really belong in it. But as an historical text it is quite interesting. Some of the advice is quite good, but some, unfortunately shows that many of the authors were mired in the masculofascist values of their backwards contemporary culture. As I update the text I always ask myself questions like "what would Saul/Paul say to us today? What would he think? How would he experience the god/goddess earth-spirit in contemporary language? One troubling text is Romans. Many Christians are confused by the harsh language Paul uses. However, we know that it contains many glosses and extrapolations.

To help you on your spiritual journey I give you a draft of my updated text to the first chapter of the letter traditionally ascribed to Paul to the community of Rome. Or as I call it "Paul to Everybody" (Notice how much more readable my version is)

Everybody (Romans)

Chapter 1

1. Hey its me Paul! Just one of the womyn/men trying to do what’s right, 2 Like a lot of people before me, 3 rapping about the redeemer who had some whacked out ancestor, 4 but by her/his/its coolness we like to think of as pretty righteous!

5 Hey we’re all church to each other now
6 even people who other people have said in the past are gnarly. 7 I’m talking to the diverse world community which is called to be cool. Peace people from the spirit!

8. Thanks folks because you know how to be church to each other.
9 My conscience tells me I’m doing awesome and I’m thinking about you folks, 10 and hoping that I’ll get to hang out with you soon. 11 Because I know you can’t get enough of me 12 and I like hanging out with you too.

13 Hey, I’m serious! I’ve wanted to fellowship and build community with you like I have with my other friends but things have come up. 14 I’ve got obligations to all sorts of strange folks 15 which is why I wanted to talk to you folks in particular.

16 I’m not embarrassed about being a “Christian”. It’s cool, and one of many ways to find happiness. 17 There are some sensible things worth listening to like “We’re all okay” 18 Remember the god/goddess spirit loves you and says “Hey kids, come on home!” 19 But hey! You don’t need me to tell you that because you can figure that out for yourself! 20 Because you can see earth-spirit in all the flowers and leaves and fuzzy animals and such.

21 So don’t get all up tight but relax and take time to breathe in a pristine environment and do some yoga poses. 22 Because “it’s all good.” 23 No matter where, you are you can experience earth mother!’ 24 Just chill and feel free to explore and experiment and don’t get hung up by all those preachy-preachy sermons some people are always spewing forth. 25 Earth mother loves you and it will be okay.

26 Alternative life-styles for women are good! 27 Hey it’s your body! That goes for you too fellas. 28 Just don’t forget to say “Thanks god/goddess spirit!” every now and then. 29 So that you don’t become like those people who are always telling other people what to do. They gossip 30 and always go on about scandals and are looking for people to put down. They are rigid and traditional and narrow minded. 31 They are not-academic and mean spirited! 32 They want everybody to be cathlofascists just like them and weigh them down by the heavy burden of tradition although they know the god/goddess-spirit is really about Tolerance, Acceptance, and Inclusivity!

I hope to work on Chapter 2 but I'm feeling pretty tired and am going back to bed.

Best wishes,

H. Robert


Hidden One said...


I believe you mean, "cathlofascists."

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC said...

Hey Robert,

Ye wanna play lawn darts with me again? Or maybe a little bit of bocce? MWAHAHAHAHA!

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC

larsterkhan said...

Gee H. Robert. I'm speechless. Is it true that you're related to Bishop Trautman? You're definitely an inspiration. (To learn Latin, Greek and Aramaic)

H Robert Williams said...

Thank you hidden one. I was very tired when I transcribed my notes and made several typographical errors.

larsterkhan... (ha ha!) yes, I don't like to brag about my skills but I do happen to know those languages and Farsi. But I am most proud of my fluency in Esperanto.

H. Robert

Rob said...

H Robert,

I will be increasing my donations to the HKTTC, with the personal check earmarked for "long, barbed darts and long, pointed swords."

Father Tim said...

Hey! Hurry up and finish the rest of the bible. I want to start using your version at our regular ENGLISH MASS!

Adoro te Devote said...

Wow. You're, like...completely cutting-edge...

For 1962.

Seriously. Gnarly? Yoga the BIBLE?

Well, it's've gone outright heretic here at SOV2. Thank God you don't like Latin...if this is a sign of what you do to the perfectly good language of English, only God, the Father, He HIMself knows what you would do to wreck the beauty and puity of Latin.

Maybe you'd be better of just taking the NAB and reading it in pig-latin. That's more your speed.

Step away from the keyboard. Just speak as you normally's better than where you're going.

H Robert Williams said...

Dear Adoro,

I am sorry to see that you are still trapped by insecurity and unwilling to look towards the future. Have you not heard the clarion call? Womyn you are liberated? Why do you hold on so tight to your shackles? Yes, the wide-open world is frightening but it is exhilirating too.

The "bible" is merely a collection of hebrew and aramaic semitic literature with a smattering of babylonian and greek influences. If it is to be used properly (and indeed if not used properly why use it at all?) it must be understood as a living text. If we wish to make it relevant to people today we must put into today's context.

This is precisely what I did for more than thirty years at Villanoce. How many students came back to me years later and said "Thank you H. Robert, you were the professor who really made a difference in my life. I had such a simple faith. You showed me how to question and doubt and explore." Mind you these were students who mostly didn't even hold to christian tenets anymore. I'm not sure what happened to those who remained in the church.

H. Robert

Miguel Cuthbert said...

I seem to remember something in that collection of semitic litearture about millstones... ah yes... here it is...

Matthew 18:5-6

5: "Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me;
6: but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened round his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.