Thursday, May 31, 2007

Negotiations for Che's Release

Is this thing on (ahem) Testing... 1... 2... 3... (ahem)

This is Commander Pimsbottom of the Lord Acton Division. We have recently acquired one Che' Lovell through a prisoner exchange with the Knights of Columbus. I am using his blackberry device to transmit this message.

Message from Che' Lovell (condensed and edited):

I am quite well other than a slight dizzy feeling from eating unripe mushrooms. I have been well entertained but not with Julia Roberts films. Knights of Columbus showed me the complete Steve Ray's Footptints of God series and Therese: Story of a Soul. Lord Acton army read me Animal Farm, 1984, and Evelyn Waugh's Brideshead Revisited. They've also introduced me to Sherry and Shelley. I think one is a drink and the other is a drunk. Very much more confused. How are you? Please tell Keith's mom I am sorry for mooning her when she threatened legal action against SOVII. I was not being church."

This young man seems to be somewhat agitated. He is under the impression that Karl Marx was part of the Priory of Sion and is a descendent of Jesus. He also wants to know if he could talk to Hugh Grant about making a movie about the life of e. e. cummings. We are afraid he may hurt someone or himself.

We are looking at a three-way prisoner swap. We would like to acquire Katie Holmes from the Scientologists. Do you possess any scientologists held captive against their will? Please let us know soon.

Albert Pimsbottom, KBE


Anonymous said...

Keith may know some scientologists. I heard he got to meet Lord Xenu himself!

Miguel Cuthbert said...

Albert Pimsbottom? You wouldn't happen to be related to Nigel Pimsbottom of the Ugandan Anthropological Society would you?

Anonymous said...

I think reinforcements are headed to SOV2. I just passed a VW microbus painted with "The Most Reverend Katharine Jefferts Schori 26th Shalom Brigade" heading south on I75.

Anonymous said...

What is KBE?

And I'm quite concerned about Britnee at this point. No one has mentioned her in awhile. What with Che being gone, she appears to be AWOL.

-Taheetee Moonbeam

Che' Lovell said...

Dear Miss Moonbeam
KBE is Knight of the British Empire.

As to Nigel Pimsbottom, he was in fact my brother. He was burnt alive by the savages in the jungles of the Ivory Coast after trying to teach the savages the Abbonamenti method of economics.


Miguel Cuthbert said...

I believe this is a fraud perpetrated by the Scientologists. In fact Nigel Pimsbottom was not burnt alive in the Ivory Coast but in Equatorial Guinea. Dirty work seems afoot.