Tuesday, May 29, 2007

SHOCKING NEWS AT SOV2!!!!

Hey! Well... the worst has happened. Last Sunday, while we were celebrating Pentecost at SOV2, the Bishop of Knoxville was over at that old rad-trad church "Holy Ghost", making the announcement of the "real" new North Knoxville parish.

As you all know, we have been fighting for over a year to be formally recognized as one of the parishes of Knoxville. We really went out on a limb, getting private financing through Dr & Mizz Argot, forming our own faith community, and whatnot. We even put up with the intrusion of the malevolent "Adoro" into the parish.

In fact, I consider "Adoro's" presence to be the factor that tipped the scales against us.

So what now? Do we fold up tent, give up, and sell our beautiful church building to the East Tennessee Rationalists? I say NO! We're here, we're loud, and they'll have to get used to us! Sure, they can send their stormtroopers over to harass us, they can have the Knights of Columbus pour lime on our lawn to spell out "heretic", they can pay off the Knox News Sentinel to pretend that we don't exist, but WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!

As a first step, I have contacted the Augustinian Order of St. de Mello to appeal to them to make us a "priory." My understanding is that if we get to be a priory, then we can do whatever we want. Also, I have sent a letter to Archbishop Pilarczyk of Cincinnati asking if we can be a sattelite faith community for his diocese. Finally, what I like to call the "nuclear option", we can declare schism, just like Martin Luther did back in the day. It worked out for him, why not for us?

I'll be announcing a F.C. meeting about this topic in the near future.

On a related note, Fr. Juno is very upset about this announcement and is making all sorts of crazy comments about being "deceived". I have assured him that he knew full well our "interim" status, but I'm afraid that I have had to have him confined to the rectory under the personal care of Maryann Mcgronk and her "spirit team."

In order to make it through this crisis, I have authorized an emergency payment to the Fr. Richard McBrien Retirement Fund, in hopes that he will be able to make a personal motivational appearance here. Fr. Curt Kane has also offered to come to our parish to assist as A.P. while Fr. Juno is out of commission. Ché and his EcoChurch folks have blockaded all of the entrances to the church grounds. Please be careful entering the property as they have dug a number of trenches and put sharpened sticks in them.

Thank you for staying "in the walk" with us as we navigate these turbulent seas.

Fr. Tim

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey, Fr. Timmy, take a chill pill! Since when are we concerned if the MEN recognize us or not???????? Let’s just BE CHURCH, like we have been, and not worry about the womyn-hating men.
sr. fairah

Todd Turk said...

Fr. Tim - I went out to look at teh trenches and guess what? CHE HAS BEEN MAKING HIS POINTED STICKS OUT OF MY RECORDERS DRUM STICKS AND WOOD PERCUSSION BLOCKS! PLEASE GET HIM TO STOP! I know he got Britnee to go into the music room because she has the key since that is where she stores the lemonade for the singles night party. It's too late to do anything about the recorders and drum sticks - they're RUINED! You need to make him pay for replacements from his social justcie budget. It took us a long time to save to be able to buy all of teh instruments we need and I AM NOT GOING TO DO ANOTHER CAR WASH! Plus with the DVD's of the Easter Vigil not selling like we had hoped, my budget for this year isn't in very good shape.

Joan said...

Who needs Rome? Drop a line to Spiritus Christi - they seem to be doing fine and have no priestess shortage!

Bartholomew said...

We don't need to go into schism, they are in schism!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh no you didn't, Todd Turk.
You don't know WHERE I got those stupid drumsticks and percussion blocks.
-Britnee

Che' Lovell said...

I don't know what you are talking about Todd because most of the wood we used was taken from the Victor Ashe park from naturally fallen trees and tree limbs and when we have beated off the Catechismarian Horde we will mulch them by hand and deposit them back in Victor Ashe park where they will flow back into nature.

Why don't you join us at the bonfire tonight as we sing liberation songs. We're trying to get Cindy Sheehand to come since she has just retired and I wrote to Nikki Giovanni and even if she doesn't come we're going to read her poems.

Oh and Father Tim, I forgot to tell you but Keith's mom said she was going to sue us or something and there was a lawyer who was supposed to be coming by but I said HA! BRING IT ON!

Che'

Sara said...

I think y'all would fit in wonderfully with the sisters of charity here in Cincinnati. They have some Reiki masters and everything!

Adoro te Devote said...

"In fact, I consider "Adoro's" presence to be the factor that tipped the scales against us."

Wow. And there it is. For all your lip service to being "inclusive" y'all have done nothing but exclude me, marginalize me, and ignore me because I didn't buy into your petty little games and completely made-up theology. Nor am I going to.

By the way, you can't hold Father Juno against his will, which is what you're doing, and if you don't let him go from this little concoted "retreat" I WILL get the authorities involved. In fact, the Archbishop is aware as well as other authorities in the diocese, who hope to resolve this issue in very short order, if you get my drift.

By the way, how, exactly, is setting booby traps in line with your pacifist philosophy? If someone is injured on those sticks, your coffers will empty in a heartbeat when the plaintiff attorneys get ahold of you, and especially those of you who have publicly set the traps will be held responsible for your outright criminal acts.

I would suggest pulling those drumsticks or stakes out of the ground NOW before something happens that you will regret for the rest of your lives.

I'm shocked you didn't have the foresight to see what a bad idea it is to set deady traps.