Friday, May 25, 2007

Congregants Dress Code for Pentecost

Hey! I read an interesting suggestion from someone named "Cathy of Alex" about having the congregation wear costumes on Pentecost, and I thought it was a really neat idea. Of course, Ché has had the rainbow sash thing going on here every week, so that won't be a big deal. Just to avoid confusion, and so everybody can recognize everyone else's love-offering, I am going to require you all to abide by the following code:

Rainbow Sash: Support of GLBTNA rights
Black Armband: Support of the divorced & remarried receiving communion
Red headband: Womyn's ordination
Red headband w/ black stripe: Womyn-only ordination
Blue T-Shirt: Opposition to war in Iraq
Blue striped T-Shirt: Opposition to all war
Green bead necklace: Opposition to pollution
Green Head-Band: Proponent of Solar Power
Beanie-cap with fan on top: Proponent of Wind Power
Baseball-cap with two bottled waters & curvy straws: Proponent of hydro-power
Red boots: Campaign against General Pinochet
Brown Trousers: Opposition to wood products
Purple Scarf: Pro-Choice
Purple Scarf with Orange Sash: Free Abortion On Demand
Red Stole, Alb, Miter, and Vestments: Opposition to Clericalism
Pink Slippers: Draft Nancy Pelosi for President campaign

I will be asking Kate Po to print copies of this list and place them in the pews. Please note that this list has been carefully designed so that people can have multiple causes on display. I would also ask that anyone who normally refuses communion, but wants to make a public protest, please walk up to communion backwards and I will know not to offend you by offering you communion. We have installed mirrors around the church so that you can see behind you and minimize the risk of tripping.


paramedicgirl said...

Are you sure you guys are in Tennessee? You could easily be from this Church.

Anonymous said...

What time are your services? I'd like to join you.

Father Tim said...

Hey there, Anonymous! There will be a sunrise mass service at 10 am. Then at 11:30 am, we will have our contemporary mass service. We look forward to welcoming you there!

Father Tim said...

Paramedic Girl,

No, we're definitely in Tennessee! I can tell because of all the moon-pies and all the uptight Baptists (just kidding! You Baptists are the best!). Seriously, though, have you ever tried a Goo-Goo Cluster? If that's not a sin, then nothing is (which is kind of my opinion, but you'll have to wait for my pentecost homily for more). Anyway, thanks for the neat link to that church in Wisconsin. I'll have to call the pastor and congratulate him!

Fr. Tim

Anonymous said...

Have you all nothing better to do with your time than ridicule others? Do you find yourselves amusing? Obviously, this is a perfect example of a little bit of knowledge being a dangerous thing. Some of you seem to have been minimally exposed to some elements of catholicism. Some of you may be lapsed catholics who have been ill-catechised. Some of you haven't a clue as to the beauty and strength to be found in the real catholic faith. I will keep you in my prayers. May God bless and keep you. Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.

Eugene Kramer said...

Wow! That guy knows more Bible lines than Fr. Tim! I'm really thankful for this post. I always thought it was "Lap Catholics", but now I know that it was "Lapsed". That explains a lot!

Feathered Friends said...

there is allowed in your church people wearing rainbow sashes?

Adoro te Devote said...

See now, there you go. Fr. Juno tried to warn you, but now your behavior has made a random Catholic think that you are all non-Catholics making fun of Catholics, when really, you are self-hating Catholics making fun of yourselves.

And by "doing Church" you've gone and offended some random person.

I'm sorry, but this "church" is really off track. His Excellency saw this and sent me out, but even he had no idea it was this far off. I'm here to help, but it seems you all hate the Church so much you've already left it, and I don't know how to help you. And since that person posted as anonymous, not a single one of you can go out there and tell that poor soul that you have good intentions and you're just confused. Instead you just confused him without a possibility of reconciliation for your social sin.

(yeah, I can use your language, too)

And about all the costuming, Father Tim...I'm shocked. Where were you ordained? Who ordained you? Where did you go to seminary? ALL of the stuff you have listed has NO PLACE in the Liturgy. The only comfort I have here is that the consecration is not valid because you're using home-baked honey-wheat rye bread for communion and Keith's homemade "wine". I also think it's my duty to inform you that I've discovered through careful investigation that the "wine" is actually Red Wine vinegar that can be purchased at any local grocery store.

So, really, I guess it doesn't matter how y'all dress're not going to Mass, you're forming a circus. I'm not sure if Jesus is crying or laughing so hard at you he can't stop the tears.

I'm taking this to the Archbishop...but I'm sure he'll make me stay here. I'm simply not understanding you people at all!

Adoro te Devote said...

And furthermore, where IS Father Juno? I haven't seen him for a couple days.

There. Now I'm angry, I've likely said too much, and I have to go to Confession again, and I can't find Fr. Juno.

Maryann McGronk said...

Adoro, I don't see what your problem is. People like that come by here all the time. They're just unenlightened.

Then again, you're unenlightened, too. You've been brainwashed by the patriarchy. Maybe we should have a rebirthing ceremony for you to cleanse you of all that negative energy.

I do aura readings and you have nothing but oppression and anger around you. I can even read your ethereal...YIKES! I've got some crystals and if you'll give me a couple strands of hair, after your first reading all I have to do is preserve them in alcohol (not yours, Keith), and by swinging a crystal attuned to your own personal vibes, I'll be able to "read" your condition even from a remote location. That would be very healing for you.

You must have been beaten by a priest at some point. That's the only explanation for your failure to grasp your condition and your willfull subjection to the Vatican. Who beat you, dear? Was it the Pope? Is that why JP2 had a bent back and shook a lot? I can see in your aura you must have been a very difficult must have put up quite a fight....

Anyway, I've gotten off track. Don't worry about anon. We get them all the time. They're like flies, those Papists.

Adoro te Devote said...

What ARE you snorting?

Bartholomew said...

What do you do if you don't like General Pinochet and want to draft Nancy Pelosi as president?

If I wear the boots over the pink slippers, nobody will be able to see them. The slippers won't fit over the boots!!!

Cathy_of_Alex said...

Here's an idea: how about suits, ties, rosaries and chapel veils to signify that you are actually Catholics? Instead of all the tie-die and kente cloths? Might be nice if Fr. Tim and Che went to a barber once and awhile too. It also might be nice if Fr. Tim actually dressed like a priest in a roman collar instead of some guy on his way to Sturgis for bike week.

Maryann McGronk said...

Cathy ~

Father Tim is dressed to go to Woodstock, not Sturgis. You're mixed up. In Sturgis, they wear leather. We actually boycott Sturgis because of that. Actually, that's not true. Turk and Che' and Brittnee go up every year and protest for animal rights in Sturgis and they have a booth there. So it's not really a boycott...we use it as an opportunity to evangelize for ALF and PETA.

Tim is not into the bikes, although he thinks fur is murder, too, but his biggest cause is bringing back the Grateful Dead. That's totally on par with purgatory and such, because we know they're not really dead, but in a sort of limbo land.

I usually channel the Grateful Dead every week for Fr. Tim. That's where he gets his inspiration.

Vatican II did away with rosaries, and what's with the suits and ties? Or are you talking about womyn wearing them? I wear a suit and tie every day. It goes well with my GiJane haircut.

What's a chapel veil? Or is that what Mom and I burned at a NOW rally when I was 5?

Che' Lovell said...

Well, as social justice minister I think I need to make peace here because everybody but me seems so confused. I mean who cares about all this liturgical stuff? What difference does it make? Surely the god-spirit loves us anyway. I never pay any attention because we change liturgies like every week. And if you are feeling bad why not just get baptized again?

And if I remember right Jesus was a Nazarite and Nazarite's didn't cut their hair and Peter had curly hair and a beard and in most of the icons I have seen (see I DO PAY ATTENTION MARYANN!) they all had beards except the womyn and John but I'm not sure John wasn't actually Mary Magdalene in disguise because we all read the Da Vinci code and I AM SO CONFUSED! And now Keith is in Gunatanomo base probably because he found out Dick Cheney was an alien-human hybrid. This has been a REALLY BAD WEEK! I might go see Father Juno too because at least he seems to have his story straight.


Mary Therese said...

I think you've forgotten to provide identification for those of us who support endangered species.

Like Maryann and Che and Fr Tim...

Alice said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
UltraCrepidarian said...

Ya can't keep everybody happy, no matter what.

So like, pass the weed. Mkay?

Peace out.


Maryann McGronk said...

Ultracrepidarian, are you makng fun of us? We here at SOV2 do have a lot of weeds because we believe in letting Mother Nature do as she wishes with minimal interference. So the youth group went out last week and labeled all the weeds and flowers so that we can learn to appreciate Mother Earth more.

What kinds of weeds do you prefer? Should some be planted that we're missing out there?

Bartholomew said...

Here's an idea: how about suits, ties, rosaries and chapel veils to signify that you are actually Catholics?

Uh that's not a good idea, Cathy. Chapel veils, like burkhas are marks of the power of the patriarchy, and here at SOV2, we don't abide that (if you don't believe me, ask Mary Ann! She doesn't even want to admit Jesus had a wing wang!)

And we can be Catholics in shorts and loafers. God loves all his children just as they are!

paramedicgirl said...

And we can be Catholics in shorts and loafers. God loves all his children just as they are!

Yup, I've even heard he loves the ones in hell, though they can't experience or return that love. Which of course drives them crazy with torment.

Anonymous said...

paramedicgirl, this would be a problem if there were a hell. Jesus got rid of that for us when he died on the cross. Why do you think "he decended into hell"? It was to tell Satan that he was closed for business.

Feathered Friends said...

uh not true. hell is very real.

Anonymous said...

Yes. I once stumbled into an Ann Coulter speech.