Hey! Well, have I got news for you! We're done! At long last, the liturgical commission of Spirit of Vatican II Faith Community has completed its Resolution on Matters Concerning Proper Liturgical Forms. Instead of rattling on and on in a boring old homily today, I'm just going to read you the document. You'll be excited to know that copies have already been sent to the Diocesan Office as well as the Vatican. Anyway, here goes. Oh... wait a second. Maryann, can you bring me a glass of water? Thanks. No... I'll wait...
Whew! That was refreshing. Anyway, here goes:
RESOLUTION ON MATTERS CONCERNING PROPER LITURGICAL FORMS
Spirit of Vatican II Faith Community Liturgical Commission
On the Anniversary of the Beginning of Ghandi's Fast in Protest of the Caste System, 2007 CE
WHEREAS the peoples of the world are clamoring to have their voices heard, crying ever louder for those in positions of power to bend their ears to hear the cries of the disenfranchised
INASMUCHAS the ROMAN CHURCH has heretofore cast a deaf ear upon the cries of the poor, despite the urgent need to exercise a preferential option on their behalf
COGNIZENT of the fact that amongst the poor are not merely the poor in food, the poor in environmentally sound ecosystems, and the poor in spirit, but also the poor in liturgical innovation
WE THE PEOPLES of the Spirit of Vatican II Faith Community, in SOLIDARITY with the indiginous peoples of REDFERN AUSTRALIA, and in the name of all catholics and fellow faith-probers everwhere do hereby
DECLARE that the norms of the ROMAN MASS as laid out in the GENERAL INSTRUCTION OF THE ROMAN MISSAL and as detailed in countless laborious tracts of duplicitous emanations are so many fetters upon the o'er-restrained limbs of the PEOPLE OF THE BODY OF THE CHURCH
WE RESOLVE to cast aside such shackles, particularly as they are manifested in the enumerated areas enumerated hereafter:
I. LITURGICAL CREATIVITY: We reserve the right, as members of THE BODY OF THE CHURCH to determine the free course of action for our Faith Communities, Parishes, Worship Teams, and Love Circles. We will not be bound by a hidebound set of "rubrics" or "dogma" or "doctrine," but will instead follow the example of the CHURCH FATHERS and do it our way.
II. LITURGICAL MUSIC: Among those areas most greviously impaired by the STRICTURES OF THE HEIRARCHY is the freedom of the Peoples to make a Joyful Noise. Henceforth, we shall employ instruments that speak of the joy in man's spirit, such as the tamborine and the juice-harp. We execrate the Organ and other such tools of capitalist oppression.
III. LITURGICAL DANCE: The body is a precious instrument of art and beauty. The expression of beauty should not be limited by traditional restrictions that held modesty to be a virtue, and rigid Prussian Formalism to be the highest expression of pious art. We recognize that the flowing lines of limbs flung with abandon can be equally valid liturgical expressions of prayer and beseeching.
IV. LITURGICAL COSTUMING: The Stole, the Alb, the Ambo, and the Vestment are all ancient costumes copied from the Romans. We don't see why we have to wear just these things and cannot wear costumes that speak to our particulary cultural norms in ways that are new and creative. We reserve the right to have a Star Trek Mass, a Clown Mass, or a Buffy the Vampire Slayer Mass.
KNOWING the reaction of the bourgiois sectarians within the HEIRARCHY, we the peoples of the Spirit of Vatican II Faith Community do hereby pledge our sacred honor, our trust, and our very lives in the way of the hurtling death machines of the Inquisitors, and we dare you to dissaude us from seeking our valid faith choices and expressing them in new and innovative ways.
The faith communicants of the Spirit of Vatican II.
After that we listed all of your names and addresses. Aren't you proud of our Liturgical Commission? Let's have a big round of applause for the Liturgical Commission Team. All of you LCT people, please stand up. Great! Thanks!