Sunday, January 6, 2008

Homily, Sunday, January 6

Hey everybody! Boy is it super to be back here in good old East Tennessee. That was a great retreat, and afterwards I went back up to Beantown to see some relatives. You wouldn't believe the "Patriots-Fever" that's going on up there! People in Boston are on-fire with the Spirit of the Patriots. And it got me thinking - the New England Patriots are a lot like the Trinity. You know how St. Patrick used the clover leaf to explain the Trinity to the Scots? Well, I'm going to use the New England Patriots to explain the Trinity to you.

Coach Bellichek is kind of like God. He's grumpy, he's old, and he's a genius. Boy is Coach Bellichek smart. He wins every single game. Tom Brady is kind of like the Holy Spirit, because he throws the ball through the air, and the Holy Spirit flies - so you can see the picture I'm getting at. Finally, Randy Moss is like Jesus, because he catches the ball and runs, but people are always trying to catch him and they can't. So although Coach Bellichek and Tom Brady and Randy Moss are all different people, they're all the New England Patriots when you put them together.

When I realized this, I had an Epiphony, which is cool, because today is the feast of Epiphony. Epiphony is Latin for "The day you take the Christmas Decorations Down." I normally don't like Latin, but it is amazing how a short word like Epiphony can mean so much. Anyway, some people say that this is the day that the Wise Men came to give gifts of Gold, Frankincents, and Mir. These gifts can also be represented by the New England Patriots. The three gifts that they have won for themselves are the Perfect Regular Season (that's the Mir), the AFC Championship (that's the Frankincents), and the Super Bowl (that's the Gold).

Now, onto a little housekeeping. This is the last homily that I'll be giving without help from the good folks at OCP. In the future, you'll see our OCP aide Kip Struthers standing in the Choir Loft by the teleprompter. Kip will be using a laser pointer to help me out if I start to go off track. You know me! Always yackin' about this and that! Anyway, I've seen some of the OCP homilies, and boy, are they super! Next week's homily is all about God and Social Justice.

Speaking of Social Justice, it's now time for us to read together the special Prayer for Immigrants. You'll find a copy of this in the pew chairs. I'll start. The response is "We are the Gift, We are the Giver." Ready?

O Great Spirit, we are a penitent people, and we petition you to redress our crimes
We are the Gift, We are the Giver
For the tired migrant worker, seeking a new life
We are the Gift, We are the Giver
For the ignorant immigrants who don't know how to be church
We are the Gift, We are the Giver
For the unjustly imprisoned rapists and meth-dealers
We are the Gift, We are the Giver
For people who don't love the earth and have families they can't support
We are the Gift, We are the Giver
For people who have to ride in the backs of pickup trucks
We are the Gift, We are the Giver
Now together...
O Great Spirit, who is our Womynsoul in the sky, speak to us in the privacy of our hearts, make us willing to learn foreign languages, help us to frequent ethnic restaurants and employ many landscapers and gardeners, we ask this in name of Social Justice, Amen.

Have a super Sunday, and Go Patriots!

The above homily has not been approved by the Oregon Catholic Press, and the OCP takes no responsibility for the content thereof. The OCP does not endorse any specific professional football teams, nor does the OCP make any predictions, express or implied, that the New England Patriots will win either the AFC Championship or the Super Bowl. In the event of a New England Patriots loss, the OCP reserves the right to delete this homily from the interweb and any applicable RSS feeds. The OCP does not find it coincidental that Randy Moss once played for the Minnesota Vikings and that Marty Haugen is from Minnesota. The OCP thanks you for your cooperation and understanding. By reading this message, you have tacitly agreed to purchase the 7 volume collection of poetry inspired by Marty Haugen and entitled "The People Afire". An invoice in the amount of $156.00 will be mailed to your home address. Please pay the invoice promptly to avoid collection fees and to ensure that your credit report remains unaffected.


Che' Lovell said...

Hey Father Tim!

I am very mad becaus I thought Kumbaya was going to be in the latest braeaking bread and it ISN'T. I mean what is up with the OCP disrespecting people and stuff. Talk about Social Justice. I think the OCP are hypocrites and stuff.


ignorant redneck said...

An they dontent lik my Carhart neither, but its wht i gots!

Ima Perile, episcoposa said...

I must say, once again Dym Tim has shown his overtly sexist orientation.

Patriots as Trinity? Absurd! and the absurdity is exposed in his choice of all male illustrative types.

Any creatrix must be female! After all, when was the last time you saw a male give birth? Creation is a strictly female attribute! And as for the Spirit, the word is femine in both Hebrew and Latin! Only in the Germanic Languages is it neuter or male! (These were, of course, the languages that gave us both Nazis and Republicans!)

Jesus always catches the ball? Why are you still stuck on such a androcentric mythology, when you have all the prescence of Gaia you need, right around you! No wonder she has a fever!

And OCP, while an improvement over that sexist, life destroying Graduale Romanum, isn't inclusive! No DigereeDoo, no Doumbek, no oued! It's just the same old occidento-centric mind coontrol in pop format!

Anonymous said...

Fr Tim, your ephiphony is wrong. You need Ephiphany!