hey. well if anything good has happened to me except that's its not really good but actually pretty sad is that i found some stuff from h. robert. i mean, i had kind of forgotten about him. i know a lot of people didn't like h. robert for some reason but the fact was he always was encouraging me and saying nice stuff and stuff and even though he didn't like keith very much at least he put up with him.
i think that's important when you are church to each other is to look out for other people.
the church of reason which is where Kerri and i started to go said that everybody had to look out for themselves all the time and that the worst thing a person could do - they called it the "only sin" - was to give somebody something and not expect something in return. because that was really like trying to make an open contract. like joan who was the woman who was in charge of the church of reason said that when i gave Kerri the tennis anklet i was really expecting something from her but i didn't say what it was. so i shouldn't have given her anything or i should have made it clear in an open and contractual manner rather than attempt to put her in a position of unstated obligation. she said if i wasn't smart enough to figure out what the contractual obligation or embarassed by it that i was at too low a level of self-awareness compared to Kerri.
h. robert wasn't like that at all. he told me i should write poems and give them to people because that was like a present no one else can give them and stuff.
so i wrote this poem to Kerri:
Kerri. to me you are like a big K in a big grassy field place
when i close my eyes i can still see your face
i am feeling pretty bad
don't you remember how down snowy vale we would chase
each other all around the place
now i am just really sad
we lay on board my dad's big yacht
talking about that fish you caught
thinking about that stuff we thought
meant much more than money a lot
how i wish i were back in that spot
though sometimes it was kind of hot
'cause if i had a machine that could go back in time
i would not hesitate a dime
and tell my heart's just flickering flame
there are mountains in life you climb
which yield a joy so ethereally sublime
that loss and gain measure but the same.