Wednesday, March 19, 2008

VICTORY!

HEY! WELL, THE LAST POLLS HAVE CLOSED AT THE MELLOW MUSHROOM CAFE, AND WITH 75% OF THE PRECINCTS REPORTING, WE HAVE A LANDSLIDE VICTORY IN THE CAMPAIGN TO MAKE ME THE NEW BISHOP OF KNOXVILLE.

HEY! I'M THE BISHOP!

Wow! I'm really overwhelmed by all of your support and all of the great stuff that you all did to help me become Bishop. Those yard signs, bumperstickers, and other things really must have done the trick. Plus, the opposition just wasn't able to get their demographic to respond. It really hurt the "official" candidates that up until the last minute, the diocese kept insisting that there wasn't an election underway.

So now what? You've voted for change, and you've got it. My first order of business is to bring healing to the divisiveness that has characterized this election and all of the other Bishop stuff. I'm going to bring healing by bringing people together, ending exclusion.

My first act as Bishop will be to cancel all of the Latin masses in Knoxville. You said "No!" to the Motu when you voted for Tim Plarvik. My second act as Bishop will be to preside over the ordination of thirty seven new womynpriests, plus one hundred and forty three aspen trees tomorrow at SOV2.

I'm really excited about tomorrow's feast of the Vernal Equinox and Foot-Washing Ceremony. After the ordination, me and all of the new womynpriests are going to lead the foot-washing - this year everybody will be washing everybody else's feet - just the way that it happened at the Last Supper.

I'm so excited that everyone will be here tomorrow. My good friend Fr. Curt Kane will be here, as well Dr. Al-Fakkir, Peevee Rajendajendan, Mother Maryann McGronk, Ché, Todd, Clyde, Ngyuen, Britnee, Syb Bob & Syb Madison - basically everybody but Fr. Juno and H. Robert. Don't forget to bring your epson salts for the foot washing.

Have a super night, and PEACE OUT!

4 comments:

radtradchad said...

Celebrate while you can, Fr. Plarvik, for by this time tomorrow I will have you arrested for multiple counts of heresy, and your Modernist friends in the Vatican will not be able to help you. DEUS VULT!

-Fr. Chadwick LeJanvier, SSLI
Visionary of Knoxville

Christina said...

I would like to raise an object to ordaining 143 aspen trees.

Since aspen trees grow from one underground root structure a colony of aspen is in essence one single organism. So you would be ordaining the same "aspen" 143 times.

Now since you can only receive ordination once, any subsequent ordinations would be invalid would they not? Or are you starting a new tradition of multiple ordinations?

Dotty said...

37 womyn, but 143 trees? So trees are more important than womyn now?

Anonymous said...

Ridiculous. You obviously have never actually read the Vatican 2 documents. Silly relativist, so naive, so ignorant.