Sisters and Brothers:
I hope everyone is doing well. I can't help but notice that attendance since this past weekend was particularly low and the number of people who came to last night's "The Message of Islam: Embracing Peace and Justice" meeting was paticularly low.
Now I understand that the smoking rocket poised above our gathering space may be sending out a slightly negative "vibe" but let me assure you that 28 1/2 tons of rocket fuel poised above us is a far smaller threat than other things. Need I list:
Rampant disrespect for other religions
Bigotry towards homosexuals
Violence towards other animals
Boulders rolling down hill
Put in this light, can't you see that you are really not seeing things in the proper perspective. That said, I am planning a special guest lecture from an old colleague of mine at Villanoce college on March 20th: "Biblical Interpretation, a New Paradigm for Solidarity among Religions" which will really just bring home the point to everyone that true religion means true tolerance. This lecture will be followed by a special presentation of the Vagina Monologues, a worskhop on gay movie culture, and a special intimate toys display. We will also be asking artists from around the world to submit sacred images made from unusual substances such as elephant dung. On behalf of the Catholic Church I will then apologize to all theologians who have been forced out of their teaching positions due to rigid "orthodoxy."
I'll also be handing out free copies of my modern translation of the Letters of Paul into more socially conscious language. And to top it off, this event will coincide with the lighting of the Easter Bonfire. This year it will be especially bright as I understand we have collected over sixteen thousand felt berets which we will be burning at the same time.
It should be a lot of fun for everyone.
H. Robert Williams