Friday, March 21, 2008

Oh What a Tangled Web We Weave

Some of you may be wondering what happened last night with the explosion and all. Once the bonfire was lit, massive fighting erupted from the Palestinians in the parking lot. They managed to cause the fire to spread--igniting the aspen trees that were meant to become priests, which in turn ignited the SOV2 building. Che had already started the countdown on the rocket, but the fire caused it to malfunction and detonate early, and the explosion from that caused the liquid hydrogen to erupt. Dr. Fakkir's ammo supplies and Keith's drugs were just fuel for the fire. So SOV2 is no more.

Miraculously, some of the parishoners were unharmed by the explosion--here is what happened to them:

Che Lovell--with the help of PeeVee, I was able to remove the beret (now I know why our tech calls are sent to Pakistan). I convinced the judge that without the beret Che was harmless. He was sentenced to 6 months in jail and 5 years of community service.
With the help of PeeVee/H Robert, I was able to upload a virus into the Vista OS which caused it to crash and wipe out the Vista version of H Robert and the files on HRI
Fr. Tim--was going to be arrested for various crimes, but he had some useful information, which he used to stay out of jail and be placed in protective custody... I cannot divulge his location now.
Dr. al-Fakkir--most of the Palestinians were killed in the explosion, Dr. Fakkir and the remaining troops were taken by Homeland Security and sent to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba
Keith--was arrested for illegal drugs. He will be serving time as Che's cellmate.
H Robert/PeeVee--took a post at one of the leading Universities in India. The two personalities are still clashing--should make for some interesting lectures.
Curt Kane--and the Brothers of Love were all arrested. He will be serving time on federal charges.
INS rounded up the migrants in the parking lot, and they are being sent back to their countries of origin.
The Sybs--were found to be no threat, although Syb Bob will serve some time on drug charges
The Native Americans in the parking lot decided that they had had enough and were moving back to their reservation
The Borgias from SSLI--were arrested for tax evasion. We were sure that there were other crimes committed, but nothing else would stick.
The Truly True Knights were arrested and disbanded--several gruesome murders were discovered.
The SSLI church was destroyed from an aftershock of the explosion at SOV2

7 comments:

Paul, just this guy, you know? said...

I'm sure I'm going to miss you guys!

Anonymous said...

Agent Smith,

This is surely one that we will be able to recount to the grandchildren some day, eh?

There's one thing I missed in the midst of all the commotion. You said that the Society of St. Leo I (SSLI) "church was destroyed." But I'm wondering if Fr. Chad LeJanvier of SSLI survived and now will claim the bishopric?

Agent Jones

Sister Karen Robinson, R.N. said...

I was wondering if you could help me, Mr. Smith. I have a young Caucasian woman here who is in a coma due to head trauma and suffering from rocket fuelburns over much of her body.

She had no identification on her, but was wearing a tie-dye deacon's stole with a "Property of Spirit of Vatican II" label in it, so I thought perhaps she might be a member of the SOV2 staff?

Perhaps you as a law enforcement officer know her or have a photo of her in your files and can identify her so we can notify her next of kin?

Thanks in advance for any help you can give.

George the Organist said...

Hi, George the Organist from the SSLI here. Fr. Chad has amnesia from when the keystone fell on him. I wrote all about it at our interweblog. Is Fr. Juno in need of an organist?

Anonymous said...

I'm going to miss you.

-Puff the Magic Dragon

The Rockin' Traddy said...

why are people missing you? Are you going away?

Terrence Berres said...

"Miraculously, some of the parishoners were unharmed by the explosion..."

Building Fund Drive!