Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Voter's Guide: Rudy Guilliani

Hey! This is my second voters guide to the upcoming election in 2008 which is only a year away. In past years we used SOV2 money to support awesome people like Ralph Nader and Al Gore so I was hoping people would tell us who they thought we should give money to. Because Barak is really cool and stuff but so is Edwards.

Anyway I'm going to review another republican person today. He is Rudolph Guilianni.

About the Candidate:
Mr. Rudolph Giuliani was mayor of New York City which you would think would make him a democrat but instead makes him one of those new kind of republicans who try to trick you into voting for them. His name sounds Italian so he’s probably a owned a pizza place at some point. I'm pretty sure someone told me that during the 9/11 thing he deliberately sprayed poisonous toxins into the air to make people sick so that people would feel sorry for him.

Typical Quote:
Freedom is about authority. Freedom is about the willingness of every single human being to cede to lawful authority a great deal of discretion about what you do and how you do it.

Yah! If you're Hugo Chavez and love people that's okay to think like that. Or if your Al Gore that's okay because there’s a lot of people out there who want to do what they want to do whatever even though the earth is about to turn into a burning baby. But your a republican and that means you want to do stuff like make people starve.

The good stuff: He isn’t so bad on gay and womyn’s issues. He gave his own money to planned parenthood. He’s kind of pro gun-control but then again not so much everywhere.

The bad stuff: I mean, I’m pretty sure that if Dick Cheney wasn’t behind 9/11 than Rudy was because he did it so he could become president and to distract people. And he’s all like steal from poor people and give it to his own friends! I'm not sure if we could become like Sweden or Venezuela if he were president.

Overall: I give him a C-. I think he really thinks like us a lot but he’s a real wimp to standing up against the Bush people and he wants to act all like “HEY! I’m, the sheriff in this town.” He’s kind of like the anti-Ron Paul which is weird because there both republicans. Do you want to do what Rudy Guiliani tells you? Because then we’ll all be waiters at his country club and probably have to help him get up on his horse and stuff! “How are you today, Mr. Giuliani? Another martini Mr. Giuiliani? Oh, by the way Mr. Guiliani the Earth is EXPLODING because of global warming!”

You can read more about him at Catholics Against Rudy but I'm not sure that's a good idea because there all people who even though there against a republican maybe aren't against republicans.

1 comment:

Father Tim said...

Hey Ché! Great analysis. You're really showing your keen political grasp here. I bet there's not another Social Justice Minister in Knoxville who can even spell Giuliani!

Also, you forgot one thing in Giuliani's favor - he really stands up to the Neocath Bishops who want to tell him that he can't be eucharist. He's almost like one of those courageous rainbow-sashers, particularly in his refusal to accept the hidebound and repressed medieval sexual thinking of the Roman Patriarchs.

Peace out!

Dym Plarvik