Hey! You won't believe this, people! Apparently "our" Pope is chopping down trees. I mean, I knew he was opposed to the earth-mother and one of those Latin-loving oligarchs, but I didn't know he'd stoop this low. Send an email to the Vatican to register your complaints. I've already contacted Al Gore's office, and with any luck, President Gore will be able to put a stop to this.
Also we had a special meeting of our Pastoral Council and by a unanimous vote, the Pastoral Council has condemned the pope's actions.