Congratulations Che!

I'm so happy that you, too, have found your soul mate! I hope you & Kerri are as happy as BD & I.

Also, please let me extend an apology to all SOV2iers. I've been so devastated by the oppression happening to the WomynPrysts in St. Louis (of course, they are holding strong & refusing to accept such unilateral, misogynist treatment, but still, it's distressing), and so caught up in my prison ministry and, well, my own personal happiness that I haven't been around much. Please be assured that I will not neglect my duties in future!

Dym Tym, BD has mentioned that he & his brothers have many opportunities that could help generate cash for the Faith Community; they only need the space & privacy to pursue them, for which the rectory would be perfect. He says don't worry about them getting through the parking lots, as he & "the guys" could easily set up ramps & jump their hogs over the blockades.

Update...

I talked to the Knoxville police yesterday--they don't want to come anywhere near the grounds of SOV2. The chief said that they get about 30-50 calls to dispatch daily complaining about this community--a note to the neighbors: there wont be any arrests for disturbing of the peace; at least not yet. My superiors have not given me permission yet to move in and break up the situation, so things will stand as they are for the time being.

Agent Smith

Carbon Offsets 4 Sale

Hey!

I am always amazed by my fiancee's Kerri's business sense. She is really smart which is why I totally love her absolutely 100%. She is so cool. But to be honest Kerri maybe hasn't always cared about environmental stewardship as much as I have and so we've been talking and she decided that maybe we could work together and find away of combing SOCIAL CONCERN and FIRMLY SOUND ECONOMIC PRINCIPLES. So she has decided to help people who want to be GREEN.

Anyway if you remember a while back I was selling SOV2 trees? Well this is like taking SOV2 trees to a new level. Kerri has taken some of her money and founded a research lab: The Albert Gore Junior Center for Really Awesome Green Energy Research. I named part of it. Basically the way it works is that it is going to solve all the energy problems by producing energy from sunlight, wind, rain, tides, geothermal, and carbon free biofuels like methanol but NOT NUCLEAR.

Anyway as you know right now you and your SUVs are producing something like 5000 million tons of CO2 a year. Divide that by 6 billion or so people and... wait let me get my calculator... Hey Kerri! Whats 5000 million divided by 6 billion? Oh yah. Thanks! Anyway basically you produce about a ton of CO2 a year because you don't care about the environment. If you are an American multiply that by 5 because you are fat and lazy and watch too much TV. If you are canadian multiply by 2 because you store your beer in some old refridgerator. Anyway, that's your Carbon footprint.

So, the research lab is going to eliminate all that. We estimate its going to cost us something like 75 trillion dollars. Now if you take the 75 trillion dollars and divide by 5000 million you will find that... wait... okay... here it is 25,000 dolars per ton of CO2. Okay, so basically that's what it's going to cost per person on Earth too. Anyway, I know it's like really hard for a lot of you to do math because you aren't trained scientists like me and Al Gore and stuff but what I am saying is that if you are an American you owe me 125,000 and if you are Canadian you owe me 250,000.

And don't think I am thinking I am somehow above making environmental sacrifices. I am going to be CEO and pay myself a really reasonable salary of 500,000. Half of that I am going to donate to my own company. So I am only going to make 250,000 a year which is really cheep for a CEO.

Che'

Sideline Warning!

This is for the groups located in the parking lots now--I am giving you a warning. Stop the rioting before something bad happens.

Agent Smith

I'm getting married!

Hey! I popped the question and Kerri said yes! I am so really excited now. Basically I just came down the double black diamond on my ski board after my Dad's helicopter had dropped us off and she was right behind me so I wiped out on purpose and she landed on top of me and we were all tangled up and stuff and that's when I told her I wanted her to be my double diamond forever and so I gave her a five carat perfect diamond engaagement ring set in emeralds and stuff. I don't know much about that kind of thing but my dad wanted me to giver her that because he is so much for me settling down and stuff. She looked awesome in her pink Dior skiing miniskirt and the pink ski beret I designed. I am hoping Pucci who is awesome will pick up on the ski berets I make which have give you a South American feel ebcause thay have AWESOEM slopes in the Andes that a lot of people don't know about but I skiied as a kid on vacation with my dad when he was going to Argenina a lot.

Anyway, since she wants an outdoor wedding, my dad is going to fly everybody out to Bali on his companies private jet and write it off as a business expense. Father Tim we are hoping you will come and officiate. I also hope I meet some of the U.N. Then we are going to a private Safari honeymoon in Zimbabwe.

Che'

Support SOV2

Hey everybody! Well, as you may know, SOV2 has fallen on hard financial times. While we have been saving a lot of $$$ by getting discounts from OCP for our hymnals and bulletins, some of the "ancillary" costs have really been eating into our collection. The certification training for our ushers was very expensive, and the special audits that OCP provides aren't cheap either. Also, to be compliant to the OCP's rigorous musical standards, we had to hire a number of local musicians to supplement Todd's various choirs. To cap it all off, it's very expensive to feed all those Palestinians and Undocumented Guest Workers who are living on the SOV2 campus. I wish that whole loaves & fishes thing would work for me! (I tried it earlier, but sure enough, there was still only one fish and five loaves).

The last straw is that Dr. Argot is getting a divorce from Mz. Argot, who as you may know, was one of our local TV news personalities before she hooked up with our benefactor. Apparently Mz. Argot was having some sort of affair with Clyde Hummins, our groundskeeper. But that might just be a rumor, and even if it is true, you can't blame Clyde. I mean, have you seen Mz Argot? Hubba hubba! Anyway, Dr. Argot is a little upset with SOV2 right now, even though I already approved his annulment. So I'm a little nervous about approaching him for money. So anyway, I would like you to consider starting something called "tripletithing", where you basically give 30% of your aftertax earnings to SOV2. This is an investment in your future, people!

We're going all out to save costs as well. I've retained a consultant from OCP to help us manage our finances. I had to drain the $100k out of our rainy day fund to pay the consultant fee, but I'm sure that they will be able to help us get back on a firm financial footing. Also, we're doing some fundraisers. This month, we will begin selling a line of clothes featuring famous catholics. There's an image below of the first feature, which is called "Hugoroos." Please purchase several pairs - they're only $17.99 each. Thanks for your support!

We are a Faith Community

Hey! Kerri wrote this song for us after I just told her a little bit about us. She said writing it really cheered her up which I am pretty sure that means that she is starting to get the SOV2 spirit. I think it's pretty cool because she left the church a while ago.

We are a Faith Community
by Kerri Erpenblech

I am church and so are you
I am priest and priestess too
Sharing the eu-char-ist's that's me,
According to our self's ab-il-i-ty,

Around our campus community,
You'll find signs of our diversity!
With each banner that proclaims,
The great Feminist Thinkers' names!

(Refrain)
We are a Faith Community
I'll facilitate you, you'll facilitate me!
'Cause we're on a spiritual journey!
So sing a song of harmonious melody!

Let's respect other's dignity,
In a way that's sure to please,
Teaching the children to adore,
The variety of forms of love in store.

(Refrain)

We'll do our parts to steward the Earth,
Do what we can to reduce births,
Eating only granola and soy,
We'll sing our Mother's praise with joy.

(Refrain)

Parking Lot

Hey everybody! I'd like to take a minute or two to give you some advance info on how to get into the worship space next Sunday, given all the problems with the parking lots.

As you know, the Southeast Parking Lot has been completely occupied by Chief Nils Larssen and his Natyve Amerycans, and Dr. Al-Fakkir's Palestinian refugee friends have completely ringed the parking lot with the burning tire fire, so basically, you can't get to SOV2 from Spirit Lane. You'll have to come up Dry Gap Pike to the Northwest Parking Lot. As you know, we still haven't repaired the trench that the Hugo Chavez battalion dug when Fr. Kane was here, so only those SOViers with SUV's will be able to make it through. Why not be church to one another and give another faith communicant a ride to SOV2 this Sunday?

Some of you may be tempted to park on the Southwest lawn. I strongly encourage you not to do this. Last weekend, we offered SOV2 to be sanctuary to some undocumented immigrants, and now they are camped on the Southwest Lawn to mount their protest to their right to live in the Parking Lot:

Meme response

Hey!

Sorry I haven't been around much. Kerri and I have been looking for matching snow board outfits for our trip to Vale and there is no selection at all in Knoxville so we went up to Burlington Vermont to see what they had. Plus Kerri has had to talk to the FBI agents like fifteen times about the trust fund. Basically she's allowed to keep all the money as long as she testifies against her folks at the grand jury hearing next week. I mean, she is a bit upset and all but not so much because she didn't like them either.

Anyway, here are eight random facts about me:

1. I punched Sean Penn by accident once
2. I killed L. Ron Hubbards brain by accident with germs
3. I don't have any body thetans at all
4. My favorite movie star is Julia Roberts
5. I designed a special Beret you can wear in the shower
6. I probably know more about Economo-Socio-Political-Feminist-Ideological-Enviro-Activisim than anybody else
7. I own one of the only existing copies of Fungoids by Enoch Soames
8. In fourth grade I one my class spelling bea

Meme

Hey! I got "tagged" for another "meme"... this time by Therese at Aussie Coffee Shop. Here goes...
First of all, the "rules"

....Here's what you do:~Each person starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves and post these guidelines. ~At the end of the post, choose 8 people to be tagged and list their names.~Don't forget to leave a comment telling them that they are tagged and to read your blog. Have fun!

1. I performed the wedding for Art Garfunkle's cousin Clevis Garfunkle
2. Before I became a "priest", I was an amateur cave-bat enthusiast
3. I own a number of crystals & have a pewter dragon collection
4. I currently drive a Cadillac Escalade
5. I am allergic to unleavened bread
6. When I was 7, I was a children's underwear model for the Dayton/Hudson Department Stores
7. I know all the words to "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights"
8. I am addicted to Vegemite & Jaffas (not together!)

I now "tag" the following 'bloggers:

1. Adrienne at Adrienne's Catholic Corner
2. Eegahinc at B Movie Catechism
3. Paul at Thoughts of a Regular Guy
4. Fr Chad at SSLI
5. Ché
6. Ma Beck at Ward Wide Web
7. Chief Nils Larssen (wherever you are)
8. Stephanie at Digital Hairshirt

Most of these 'bloggers were "tagged" because I know how much the hate the word "meme" that my friend Dick Dawkins invented. Except for Ché, who loves "memes."

What's going on?

Hey!  Everybody chill out.  I am really against all this "this is my land" stuff.  Can't we just find common ground?  Now, I completely support Dr. Al-fakkir's plan to use the parking lot as a refugee camp for palestinian refugees, but the tire burning was uncalled for. 

It really disrupted the tour we were giving to some people from the Oregon Catholic Press.  Let me tell you, they were very disappointed, and if we don't make a good impression on them, we might not get the 17% discount on the new choir they're sending us.  Scenes like this aren't very helpful:

Noise!

I fell asleep in my office last night after finishing up on some paperwork, and I was having this great dream--I was in on the arrest of the century; we had done all the legwork and were about to bust through the door and make the arrest, when I woke up to the sound of an awful racket. I looked out my window facing the parking lot at the SOV2 community, and there were two groups trying to "outsing" each other. Some were dressed in loincloth and chanting very loudly. They had some rough looking tents up--maybe made of some kind of leather, and they were dancing around a roasted deer over a campfire. The second group was standing at the edge of some barrier that was set up and singing some of Fr. Tim's favorite songs. I went out to the barrier and asked someone who they were, and they answered that they were the "Oh sea pea."

I also spotted Dr. al-Fakkir behind the barrier, but I don't think that he was singing at all--just staring at the dancers.

Agent Smith