Homily, Sunday, February 3

OCP Cycle A 020308 SJ/2d

My dear friends in the Spirit,

In today's readings we are reminded our our need to be church to one another. In the first reading from Zephaniah we hear the prophet recognize the need for Social Justice, with particular focus on global warming and organic sheep farming. Then we were treated to a beautiful rendition of the responsorial psalms, which was wonderfully representative of the fine liturgical music contained in the Oregon Catholic Press Breaking Bread Missal.

In the second reading, we hear Paul explain that we need to have a strong public education system. Further, Paul points out that it's OK to boast, as long as you have something to boast about.

Finally, in the Gospel, we see how Jesus wants us to save the poor, which is an allegory for the need for us to save the poor.

Now, all of this was brought home to me in the last week [when SOV2 endorsed Barack Obama for President. We had been waffling around about over whether to endorse Hillary or Barack. I mean, John Edwards was never on the table , because even though he has a preferential option for the poor, he is a white male, and if there's one thing we don't need in the White House it is a white male. The white males are stereotypers and prejudiced - they want you to see everyone only for their race or gender or whatever. That's why it's so important for us to endorse a woman or an African American - that's our way of sending a message that it's wrong to look at people just because of their race or gender. Plus, Obama is like Kennedy. Just think! A new Camelot! For a little while, we had our own New Camelot here at SOV2. But you can see some signs of trouble in the kingdom. I like to think of Ché as a sort of Lancelot, and Todd Turk as Percival, and H. Robert Williams as Merlin, and Maryann McGronk as The Lady of the Lake, and Stacy McCloud as Guenevere, and myself as King Arthur, of course. Fr. Chad is Modred, and Modred's mother is Sister Fairah. Oh - and Fr. Kane is the Black Knight who saves everything. And the Hugo Chavez brigade are the Knights Templar, and Dr. Al-Fakkir is Robin Hood. George Bush is, of course, bad Prince John, and Al Gore is Richard the Lion Hearted. I think Clyde Hummins might be Ivanhoe.]. It was clear to me that there is a need for us to save the poor.

But, the spirit speaks to us in many ways. I was reminded of [the time that Maryann spilled Jaegermeister on my Dorothy Day Fan Club T-Shirt. Boy was I pissed. I mean, come on, people! But it turns out that Jaegermeister washes right out, and in the meantime, Maryann got me a signed picture of Fr. Richard McBrien and Charles Curran during their famous "Council of Xenia" summit with Phil Donohue and Martin Sheen. I still have it - it's hung up in the grand ballroom at the Rectory.]

So, my sisters and brothers and nonspecific gender metaphorical siblings, let us open our minds, and ears to the spirit, and find ways to put into practice the constant admonition to be good stewards of the earth, to be church to one another, to enact reform of our institutions, and to seek above all to bring the spirit into the dark places of our own hearts.

Homily, Sunday, January 27

OCP Cycle A 012708 SJ/7b

My dear friends in the Spirit,

In today's readings we are reminded our our need to be church to one another. In the first reading from Isaiah, we hear the psalmist recognize the need for Social Justice, with particular focus on redlining roads at the rental car agency to stigmatize certain neighborhoods. Then we were treated to a beautiful rendition of the responsorial psalms, which was wonderfully representative of the fine liturgical music contained in the Oregon Catholic Press Breaking Bread Missal.

In the second reading, we hear Paul explain that people who preach shouldn't baptize also. Further, Paul points out that you shouldn't trust Chloe's people, because they are tattlers.

Finally, in the Gospel, we see how Jesus went into hiding when John was arrested, which is an allegory for the need for people to provide bail money for their friends if they get arrested, and also a social commentary on the oppressiveness of extradition treaties.

Now, all of this was brought home to me in the last week [when I found out that only me and Fr. Chad are running for Bishop of Knoxville. I've got some really exciting news! Fr. Chad and I are going to do a televised debate, which will be monitored by Stacy McCloud of the local CBS station. This is really really exciting! First of all, I'm going to spank Fr. Chad - you remember that debate where I debated Christopher Hitchins? Well - you know I'm a great debator. Basically, you can already count on me being Bishyp of Knoxville. Also, Stacy McCloud is a total hottie. Hubba hubba! Normally I don't get to see her because her show comes on at five in the morning.]. It was clear to me that you shouldn't trust Chloe's people, because they are tattlers.

But, the spirit speaks to us in many ways. I was reminded of [when Peevee ate H. Robert Williams' brain. Actually, I am reminded of that all the time, because for some reason, Peevee has decided to start doing an H. Robert Williams impersonation. I don't know if he thinks its funny or what, but it's mostly really irritating. I have to say though, he's pretty good at it. He's been writing these funny mission statements - they are so H Robert. I mean, he's always talking about the Noosphere and things like that.]

So, my sisters and brothers and nonspecific gender metaphorical siblings, let us open our minds, and ears to the spirit, and find ways to put into practice the constant admonition to be good stewards of the earth, to be church to one another, to enact reform of our institutions, and to seek above all to bring the spirit into the dark places of our own hearts.

Homily, Sunday, January 20

OCP Cycle A 012008 SJ/2

My dear friends in the Spirit,

In today's readings we are reminded our our need to be church to one another. In the first reading from Isaiah, we hear the prophet recognize the need for Social Justice, with particular focus on anti-semitism. Then we were treated to a beautiful rendition of the responsorial psalms, which was wonderfully representative of the fine liturgical music contained in the Oregon Catholic Press Breaking Bread Missal.

In the second reading, we hear Paul explain that we are all brothers and sisters. Further, Paul points out that all you have to do is call on Jesus' name to be saved.

Finally, in the Gospel, we see how Jesus was baptized by John, which is an allegory for the need for the laity to become more involved in the administration of the parish or faith community and the need to avoid clericalism.

Now, all of this was brought home to me in the last week [Hey everybody! This is the part where I get to say my own thoughts. Boy what a week - but first off, I have to apologize to anyone who was assaulted by the Gyno-Lesbians. It sure was a good thing that the Hugo Chavez Fan Club was here to take control of the situation. And I have to apologize to the Gyno-Lesbians for any ill-treatment they might have received as they were asked to not be church with us. The Hugo Chavez fan club is on fire with the Spirit, and sometimes they go a little too far in helping people to be more peaceable. Also, I've got some good news! Dr. Argot has made a generous anonymous donation to SOV2, with only the condition that we fire Clyde Hummins. So, Clyde, sorry to break it to you, but you can't be church with us anymore. Fidel? Raul - please escort Clyde from the liturgical interior. Thanks a bunch. Oh... sorry - Kip is winking at me and that means it's time to wrap the part where I get to talk about what I want]. It was clear to me that all you have to do is call on Jesus' name to be saved.

But, the spirit speaks to us in many ways. I was reminded of [that time that I fell out of a tree]

So, my sisters and brothers and nonspecific gender metaphorical siblings, let us open our minds, and ears to the spirit, and find ways to put into practice the constant admonition to be good stewards of the earth, to be church to one another, to enact reform of our institutions, and to seek above all to bring the spirit into the dark places of our own hearts.

Homily, Sunday, January 13

OCP Cycle A 011308 SJ/3

My dear friends in the Spirit,

In today's readings we are reminded our our need to be church to one another. In the first reading from Isaiah, we hear the psalmist recognize the need for Social Justice, with particular focus on unjust imprisonment. Then we were treated to a beautiful rendition of the responsorial psalms, which was wonderfully representative of the fine liturgical music contained in the Oregon Catholic Press Breaking Bread Missal.

In the second reading, we hear Peter explain that we need to have World Government and that National Sovereignty is an outdated concept. Further, Peter points out that every nation is acceptable to the spirit.

Finally, in the Gospel, we see how Jesus was baptized by John, which is an allegory for the need for the laity to become more involved in the administration of the parish or faith community and the need to avoid clericalism.

Now, all of this was brought home to me in the last week [LOCAL CONTENT: ADVISE HOMILIST TO INSERT ANECDOTE CONCERNING PARISH EVENTS]. It was clear to me that every nation is acceptable to the spirit.

But, the spirit speaks to us in many ways. I was reminded of [LOCAL CONTENT: ADVISE HOMILIST TO INSERT ANECDOTE CONCERNING HIS OR HER FAMILY HISTORY]

So, my sisters and brothers and nonspecific gender metaphorical siblings, let us open our minds, and ears to the spirit, and find ways to put into practice the constant admonition to be good stewards of the earth, to be church to one another, to enact reform of our institutions, and to seek above all to bring the spirit into the dark places of our own hearts.

Homily, Sunday, January 6

Hey everybody! Boy is it super to be back here in good old East Tennessee. That was a great retreat, and afterwards I went back up to Beantown to see some relatives. You wouldn't believe the "Patriots-Fever" that's going on up there! People in Boston are on-fire with the Spirit of the Patriots. And it got me thinking - the New England Patriots are a lot like the Trinity. You know how St. Patrick used the clover leaf to explain the Trinity to the Scots? Well, I'm going to use the New England Patriots to explain the Trinity to you.

Coach Bellichek is kind of like God. He's grumpy, he's old, and he's a genius. Boy is Coach Bellichek smart. He wins every single game. Tom Brady is kind of like the Holy Spirit, because he throws the ball through the air, and the Holy Spirit flies - so you can see the picture I'm getting at. Finally, Randy Moss is like Jesus, because he catches the ball and runs, but people are always trying to catch him and they can't. So although Coach Bellichek and Tom Brady and Randy Moss are all different people, they're all the New England Patriots when you put them together.

When I realized this, I had an Epiphony, which is cool, because today is the feast of Epiphony. Epiphony is Latin for "The day you take the Christmas Decorations Down." I normally don't like Latin, but it is amazing how a short word like Epiphony can mean so much. Anyway, some people say that this is the day that the Wise Men came to give gifts of Gold, Frankincents, and Mir. These gifts can also be represented by the New England Patriots. The three gifts that they have won for themselves are the Perfect Regular Season (that's the Mir), the AFC Championship (that's the Frankincents), and the Super Bowl (that's the Gold).

Now, onto a little housekeeping. This is the last homily that I'll be giving without help from the good folks at OCP. In the future, you'll see our OCP aide Kip Struthers standing in the Choir Loft by the teleprompter. Kip will be using a laser pointer to help me out if I start to go off track. You know me! Always yackin' about this and that! Anyway, I've seen some of the OCP homilies, and boy, are they super! Next week's homily is all about God and Social Justice.

Speaking of Social Justice, it's now time for us to read together the special Prayer for Immigrants. You'll find a copy of this in the pew chairs. I'll start. The response is "We are the Gift, We are the Giver." Ready?

O Great Spirit, we are a penitent people, and we petition you to redress our crimes
We are the Gift, We are the Giver
For the tired migrant worker, seeking a new life
We are the Gift, We are the Giver
For the ignorant immigrants who don't know how to be church
We are the Gift, We are the Giver
For the unjustly imprisoned rapists and meth-dealers
We are the Gift, We are the Giver
For people who don't love the earth and have families they can't support
We are the Gift, We are the Giver
For people who have to ride in the backs of pickup trucks
We are the Gift, We are the Giver
Now together...
O Great Spirit, who is our Womynsoul in the sky, speak to us in the privacy of our hearts, make us willing to learn foreign languages, help us to frequent ethnic restaurants and employ many landscapers and gardeners, we ask this in name of Social Justice, Amen.

Have a super Sunday, and Go Patriots!

The above homily has not been approved by the Oregon Catholic Press, and the OCP takes no responsibility for the content thereof. The OCP does not endorse any specific professional football teams, nor does the OCP make any predictions, express or implied, that the New England Patriots will win either the AFC Championship or the Super Bowl. In the event of a New England Patriots loss, the OCP reserves the right to delete this homily from the interweb and any applicable RSS feeds. The OCP does not find it coincidental that Randy Moss once played for the Minnesota Vikings and that Marty Haugen is from Minnesota. The OCP thanks you for your cooperation and understanding. By reading this message, you have tacitly agreed to purchase the 7 volume collection of poetry inspired by Marty Haugen and entitled "The People Afire". An invoice in the amount of $156.00 will be mailed to your home address. Please pay the invoice promptly to avoid collection fees and to ensure that your credit report remains unaffected.

Homily, Sunday, November 25

Hey! Well, I sure do love feast days. Thursday was super! We finally got the rectory cleaned up from Ché's party - just in time for the big Feast of the Oppression of Native Americans. We had a super time. Clyde was still there after doing the clean up so we let him stay for dinner. A big group of my friends from Maryknoll came down with a passel of Glenmary folks and some Marianists. It was a real "throw-down!" Then at the end of the evening, guess who showed up? That's right, my good friend Fr. Curt Kane. He wasn't able to stay long, but he was the life of the party while he was there.

Anyway, did you know that today is another feast day? Who out there can tell me what feast day it is? No... no that's not it.... no.... no... good guess, though!

OK - it's the Feast of the New Oregon Catholic Press Missalettes! That's right! After this service, the youth group will be replacing the 2007 Breaking Bread with the 2008 Breaking Bread. This is the summit of the liturgical year - the day when we get new misalettes. I've been told that the '08 OCP BB has 30% less traddie music in it, as well as a new mass setting for Clown Masses. I'm a little disappointed that the '08 BB doesn't have the Mime Mass, but there are several great new hymns, including 

• "The Rainbow Connection," 
• "If You're Happy & You Know It," 
• "Wind Beneath My Wings," and finally 
• "Someone Left the Cake Out in the Rain"
  

I know you're all as excited as I am! Happy Feast Day!

Homily, Sunday, November 11

Hey! Happy Veteran's Day! Isn't it cool how the readings are all about things that are about Veteran's Day, even though the readings were written over 7,000 years ago? It just goes to show how the Spirit moves through time. Now, I can see from some shocked faces out there that you weren't expecting me to say Happy Veteran's Day. I mean, should we be having a Day Of Silence to honor the innocent peoples killed by the bloodthirsty fascist stormtroopers that our government sends in our name to oppress the people of the world?

Yes... and no. You've got to remember that most of those bloodthirsty fascist stormtroopers are people too, or were. But they're mostly uneducated poor hillbillies and minorities, so they were easy pray for the brainwashers in the recruitment office. Underneath all that testosterone machismo, they are like little flowers that grope toward the sun. Love them, be church to them. Our war is with their puppetmasters.

Now, I also want to touch on my recent trip to Hugo Chavez' Workers Paradise. Did you know they have an army too? So when you honor veterans today, you're not only honoring the fascist veterans of Amerika, but also you're honoring the heroic freedom fighters of Venezuela, Cuba, Zimbabwe, Iran, Nicaragua, and all those places where free peoples have said NO to the abrogation of their right to choose.

Which brings me to the unfortunate events at Ché's apartment. Some of you have criticized Peevee Rajendajendan for eating H Robert's brain, mostly because he was not being a vegetarian. But let me say this - the invisible hand of cultural relativism demands that we only criticize our own culture. Since Peevee comes from India, whatever he does is OK, since it is within his own ethos. Moreover, those Indians don't know any better. It's not like they are civilized, or something. But when it comes to their relationship with the spirit, they are so far ahead of us. We've got a lot to learn from them. Sure, they burn womyn alive, but what you have to realize is that being burned alive is a valid life choice for womyn who live in that ethos.

Finally, I salute Bishop Crispian Hollis, who took a courageous stand for womyn's rights. Kudos, Crispi! You've inspired us here at SOV2 to stand up for the legalization of prostitution, which is another way that womyn can break the chains of male oppression. Let's all be like the little brown bear, who looks for honey though he does not make it, or like the swallow, who sings her own church into being every morning!

Finally, I have some exciting news! As you know, our misallette and our bulletins are produced by Oregon Catholic Press, and also we run our liturgy in accordance with their Liturgical Planning Toolkit. They have an exciting new program in which they will also administer our faith community completely. They write the homilies, provide faith formation classes, and send one of their own trained music ministers to lead the singing. And the best part is, we get a 20% discount off of the misalettes and other OCP publications if we turn over the faith community to their capable guidance.

I'll be deciding whether to go this route over the next couple of weeks - let me know what you think!

Happy Veterans Day!

Sermon on Animal Rights

Friends,

I am posting this moving sermon on behalf of Hey Ya'll the Parrot.

Thank you

Sister and Brother Sentient Life-Forms,

On behalf of animals everywhere I would like to say a heart-felt thank you to the representatives of PETA who care so much about Earth-friends, the WWCA who are good and caring devotees to the earth spirit, and the kind people of Spirit of Vatican 2 Faith Community. Also, a special thank you to H. Robert Williams who have helped me prepare for this speech. SQUAWK. Get a job hippies! Hey Ya’ll don’t say that. SQUAWK.

Today I would like to talk to you about evolution and free will, two important concepts. The first of these binds us together in terms of our bodies. We are all part of a community of creatures, a continuum, or a series. You and I are related through our genetic make-up. We are 99% the same where it counts. We all have the same ancestral parent, small and insignificant as it may have been. We all owe a great deal of gratitude to that little microbe who first managed to pull its protoplasm together, summoned its little strength and wrote its own story with an alphabet of just four letters A, G, T, and C.

Oh Teillhard de Chardin was on to something certainly when he imagined this great ladder of life, impelled ever upward to reach towards the Omega Point. But did he not also overstretch? We non-human animals do not think the internal impetus makes us superior to the dirt and rocks we walk upon or dig through, the water we swim in, the air we fly in, the Oxygen or Carbon Dioxide we breathe. We are all existence qua existence.

But for you humans, the idea of the value of the tenacity of life remains a strange obsession. You wish to "personify" nature and anthropomorphizing the Earth. You Wiccans, who among you do not call nature mother? Who does not in your mind imagine the Earth as a womb to birth you. Why? Do you not realize that not every being has a mother? Such imagery is nonsensical. Look upon the earth as the earth and the sky as the sky! SQUACK! Hey Ya'll wants a cookie! SQUAWK!

But let me not digress.

You value only the things most like you. You value mammals over birds, birds over reptiles, reptiles over fish, fish over crustaceans, and so forth. That is why despite a greater feeling of inspired kinship, evolution remains a two-edged sword. Darwin’s idea of “natural selection” and “survival of the fittest” has led some to believe that humans are on top of the evolutionary pyramid. SQUAWK! Tree huggers! SQUAWK! Hey Ya’ll Shut up! SQUAWK!

Do you feel superior due to your complexity or sophistication? Why not take your cue from the humble Pinot Noir grape. The grape is not proud. It is not boastful. Yet its complexity is greater than yours. It has 30,000 genes compared to your 25,000 genes. You consider yourselves enlightened, yet consider how the grapes genome may have led it towards a deeper consciousness of the essential unity that your own. What profound thoughts lie hidden under its lustrous tranquility? Can you honestly say that you have plumbed a grape’s soul?

But why take as your criterion complexity? Why not rather say it is because of your species sustainability? If such the shark has you beaten by 420 million years.

Why not then your civilization? Fools, the ants and bees and other social insects have been building ecologically benign utopias of the workers for more than 40 million years! SQUAWK! Cut your hair! Cut your hair! SQUAWK! In intellect and language your cousins the dolphin and the whale are your equals or betters. Look how loving and caring they are to each other.

No, by comparison to the rest of the animals, the human is a rather dull and uninteresting thing. In only one thing you excel: in your ability to do violence to the rest of the ecosystem. As such you are worse than the lowest disease being only interested in your own well-being and survival, feeding of the common resources we all share. And so the question really is not what rights do animals have, but what rights have humans not surrendered in light of the ecological abuses they have done?

Well, it looks like I am out of time. SQUAWK. Free will is an illusion!

Homily, Sunday, October 14

Hey everybody! I know you're used to getting Homilies in person, but since I'm up here at the Minnesota Liturgical Ministry World Convention and Retreat (MLMWCR '07), I'm going to have to "mail it in." But this one's a doozy, so just sit back and relax like you're in the worship space, and let the spirit speak to you through me:

--------

Hey! Wow... what great readings today. They really speak to me. But there's something else which has been on my mind recently. One of the "threads" of discussion that has been running through the convention, and also came up in the last couple of retreats, was this question: If you hate the Roman Catholic Church so much, why are you still a Roman Catholic?

And you know what? I really had to think about this a lot! I know, you're suprised, because usually I have all the answers. But this time, I had to wonder. I mean, after all, what is the Roman Catholic Church but a sort of vestigal collection of patriarchical oppressors who secretly manipulate the world's finances, do a lot of pagan stuff with incense, and try to keep womyn barefoot and pregant all the time. Not to mention that they are all about taking away people's choices and valid life expressions. So why would I want to put on this collar (metaphorically - you all know I don't really wear one - it's a symbol of "chains on the vocal cords" - sort of a symbolic way of silencing free speech)?

Well, the answer is simple. Remember back in the 60's when the Democrat party was anti-choice? Did the pro-freedom activists get Choice made into law by becoming Republicans? No! They went up to the party and said "This is our party now!" and ever since, we've owned the Democrats. We're doing the same thing now with the Republicans with our good friends Rudy and Mitt and John McCain. In a couple of years, there won't be anybody left who is anti-choice.

And that's because the best way to WIN is to Fight From Within! Remember that: "The Best Way to Win Is To Fight From Within".

Some people say it's intellectually dishonest for people like us to call ourselves Catholic when we don't "believe" what "Catholics" believe.

But let me ask you this: who gets to say what Catholics believe? A bunch of old guys in Rome? Or you and me? That's right! We are the people who get to decide what the "Catholic Church" is. Or, more appropriately, I get to decide, because, let's face it, I've been to more Liturgical Ministry conventions than you, and I'm also ordained in a perfectly valid ordination (despite some irregularities). So don't go off all half-cocked thinking that if you disagree with me, that it's OK. Remember who's running this faith community.

Anyway, what I'd like to get across in this homily is that building things up is really hard. If we were to go off and sing a new Church ino being, and call it something like "Liberated Catholics", it would be very difficult and expensive. It's much easier to tear things down, which is what The Spirit of Vatican 2 is all about.

Group Discussion

Hello Dear Friends!

I am so happy to be back in here among you today. Special thanks to Keith and his friends for loaning me some special electrical equipment. Before we begin today, let us all take a moment and reflect on the many of us who can not be here today because they were electrocuted, suffered contusions, abrasions, lacerations, and so forth, or were trapped under the collapsing earth wall at yesterday's obstacle course event. Che' personally asked me to convey his sympathies and regrets.

Today, we are trying something a little different. As you can see on the back of your folding chairs has been placed a random letter from A to F. If you could look at that letter. Yes, let's take a moment.... now I want all the letter A's to come up here, all the letter B's to go back to the font, the C's to go to the spirit grotto on the east side and the D's to the spirit grotto over there. E's please form a circle just over there to my right. Yes move around the chairs a little, and F's if you could do the same on the right.

Thanks, we'll wait a moment for everybody to get comfortable.

Now please, everyone, yes I know... yes... I'm sorry but yes small children need to go with the letter they were assigned. No... NO! I'm sorry but there will be plenty of people who will love them in whatever group... HEY! I don't care if you didn't have a letter! PEOPLE be QUIET! LOOK... NO THERE IS NO GROUP 'O.' THAT IS A LETTER 'C.' Look, we need to become comfortable with each other. Can we all take a moment and hug the person next to us? Yes. I mean it. YES HUG THEM NOW!

ALL RIGHT! NOW I WON'T TURN THE LIGHTS BACK ON UNTIL EVERYONE STOPS SCREAMING!

Look, as you know I am plugged into the internet and I have found ways of controlling almost every aspect of your lives. Do you want to ever get a car loan again? Yes? Well than do as I say!

Thank You.

Now. Instead of a 'homily' let us remember that we are all church and so we are all called to the royal priesthood. Yes, sometimes we all need a facilitator, but we don't... WILL SOMEONE SHUT THAT BABY UP!

Thank you. Now I want us all to reflect. PLEASE KEEP IT DOWN! I want us all to reflect on when it was in life that we felt that the institution had wronged us and we... YOU TWO OVER THERE. I CAN SEE YOU ARE NOT TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY! STOP TALKING AND START REFLECTING! Look, there will be time to discuss this in more detail... WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? People, I am getting tired of this. I want you all to SHUT UP and think about times in your life when institutions have not treated you with the dignity that you deserve. It could be when a priest told you that your lifestyle... HEY! THIS IS NOT A NURSERY! I DON'T CARE IF SHE WANTS HER MOTHER! WE ARE ALL MOTHERS AND SISTERS AND BROTHERS.

Honestly, you people ARE WORTHLESS! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF ALL YOU LAZY PEOPLE! YOU NEVER SING, YOU NEVER AGITATE, ALL YOU DO IS JUST SIT THERE LIKE SHEEP! I know you are all drivelling morons compared to my intellect, but why is it so difficult to manipulate you. I am SICK of trying to be nice! I am sick of trying to persuasive! You are so stupid and thick-skulled!

SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME! Oh I am making the children cry? How do you know its not YOU who are making the children cry?

How many of you can actually tie your own shoes? Let's see a show of hands. Ha! See! You can't even raise your hands. YOU'RE TOO STUPID! At least I don't have any hands but what's your excuse you imbeciles! WHY ARE YOU LIKE SHEEP?

We could have had the ideal socialist state! We could have a perfect inclusive society! But no! You are too stupid and LAZY! All you want to do is watch football and drink beer and listen to Garth Brooks! You expect to come here and be CODDLED? I won't coddle you! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET UP AND DO SOMETHING?

Okay. Ha ha ha. Maybe we weren't ready for this yet... okay... all right. HEY PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN! I know your social security numbers... I can...
PUT ME....

Homily, Sunday, September 23

Homily, Sunday, September 16

Hey! Well, have I got news for you! We're done! At long last, the liturgical commission of Spirit of Vatican II Faith Community has completed its Resolution on Matters Concerning Proper Liturgical Forms. Instead of rattling on and on in a boring old homily today, I'm just going to read you the document. You'll be excited to know that copies have already been sent to the Diocesan Office as well as the Vatican. Anyway, here goes. Oh... wait a second. Maryann, can you bring me a glass of water? Thanks. No... I'll wait...

...thanks!...

Whew! That was refreshing. Anyway, here goes:

RESOLUTION ON MATTERS CONCERNING PROPER LITURGICAL FORMS
Spirit of Vatican II Faith Community Liturgical Commission
On the Anniversary of the Beginning of Ghandi's Fast in Protest of the Caste System, 2007 CE

WHEREAS the peoples of the world are clamoring to have their voices heard, crying ever louder for those in positions of power to bend their ears to hear the cries of the disenfranchised

INASMUCHAS the ROMAN CHURCH has heretofore cast a deaf ear upon the cries of the poor, despite the urgent need to exercise a preferential option on their behalf

COGNIZENT of the fact that amongst the poor are not merely the poor in food, the poor in environmentally sound ecosystems, and the poor in spirit, but also the poor in liturgical innovation

WE THE PEOPLES of the Spirit of Vatican II Faith Community, in SOLIDARITY with the indiginous peoples of REDFERN AUSTRALIA, and in the name of all catholics and fellow faith-probers everwhere do hereby

DECLARE that the norms of the ROMAN MASS as laid out in the GENERAL INSTRUCTION OF THE ROMAN MISSAL and as detailed in countless laborious tracts of duplicitous emanations are so many fetters upon the o'er-restrained limbs of the PEOPLE OF THE BODY OF THE CHURCH

WE RESOLVE to cast aside such shackles, particularly as they are manifested in the enumerated areas enumerated hereafter:

I. LITURGICAL CREATIVITY: We reserve the right, as members of THE BODY OF THE CHURCH to determine the free course of action for our Faith Communities, Parishes, Worship Teams, and Love Circles. We will not be bound by a hidebound set of "rubrics" or "dogma" or "doctrine," but will instead follow the example of the CHURCH FATHERS and do it our way.

II. LITURGICAL MUSIC: Among those areas most greviously impaired by the STRICTURES OF THE HEIRARCHY is the freedom of the Peoples to make a Joyful Noise. Henceforth, we shall employ instruments that speak of the joy in man's spirit, such as the tamborine and the juice-harp. We execrate the Organ and other such tools of capitalist oppression.

III. LITURGICAL DANCE: The body is a precious instrument of art and beauty. The expression of beauty should not be limited by traditional restrictions that held modesty to be a virtue, and rigid Prussian Formalism to be the highest expression of pious art. We recognize that the flowing lines of limbs flung with abandon can be equally valid liturgical expressions of prayer and beseeching.

IV. LITURGICAL COSTUMING: The Stole, the Alb, the Ambo, and the Vestment are all ancient costumes copied from the Romans. We don't see why we have to wear just these things and cannot wear costumes that speak to our particulary cultural norms in ways that are new and creative. We reserve the right to have a Star Trek Mass, a Clown Mass, or a Buffy the Vampire Slayer Mass.

KNOWING the reaction of the bourgiois sectarians within the HEIRARCHY, we the peoples of the Spirit of Vatican II Faith Community do hereby pledge our sacred honor, our trust, and our very lives in the way of the hurtling death machines of the Inquisitors, and we dare you to dissaude us from seeking our valid faith choices and expressing them in new and innovative ways.

Signed,

The faith communicants of the Spirit of Vatican II.

After that we listed all of your names and addresses. Aren't you proud of our Liturgical Commission? Let's have a big round of applause for the Liturgical Commission Team. All of you LCT people, please stand up. Great! Thanks!

Homily, Sunday, September 9

Hey! Were you listening? Did you hear it? Take a minute and look around you at your neighbors. Did they hear it? Did you?

I did! What did I hear? I heard the single most important reading in the entire Bible. That's right - it's THE BIG READING! It's the GOLDEN RULE, only this rule is about Gold, it's like the ANTI-GOLDEN RULE. That's right. Today's reading strips Christianity to its core - and that core is only about one thing, and that's Social Justice. Just like Jesus said, you've got to give away everything that you have, and you've got to leave your family and friends. Otherwise, you're just building a castle made of sand. This is the only foundation that your tower can stand on - the giving of all things away.

Now, I'm hip to the difference between me and you. Sure, it's easy for me to say "give everything away," because I already did - I gave everything up and now I don't have anything of my own. Sure I live in a nice big rectory, and drive a nice new Ford Expedition, and have a lot of nice clothes and eat well. But those aren't MINE - so it's easy for me to say "Hey! Give Everything Up!". And it was easy for me to say goodbye to my family (wait for laughter). That's right - you all know how me and my family get along. Especially my mother. Boy, the day that I could say "I'm not talking to you anymore because I'm a disciple" was a super day for me. But anyway it makes it really easy for me to tell you to give everything up. But I know it's hard for you. You cling to your monies, cling to your homes and vacation properties and ski-boats and season tickets to the UT Vols. Stop a second and look at yourself. Have you built any more than a foundation? Will you be able to finish your tower? Or are people going to laugh at you and say "Hey! That guy couldn't finish his tower."

Well, today is the day that I'm going to reach out and help you to give eveything away. As you know, we've got a big Capital Campaign coming. And today I'm going to announce the name of that campaign, but not tell you a lot more about it. You'll be hearing more about it in the coming weeks as we break up into small "cells" so that we can better re-experience the experience of the Early Church Mothers. Anyway, the Capital Campaign is called "Fellowship Loving Everyone Even Capitalist Enemies", or F.L.E.E.C.E. Ché and Britnee came up with the name, and I think it's super. It kind of reminds me of the Golden Fleece that Jason was always trying to get to in those old movies - so it's kind of also like the Holy Grail that was in the Indiana Jones movies too.

But you know what? We won't have FLEECE without you. So this week, I'd like you to go home and look at your checkbook, and your savings accounts, and your money markets and college funds and IRA's and stocks and bonds and safety deposit boxes. And then I want you to make a big pile of all of it and say "will I be a tither?" Or even better, say "will I be a double-tither?" or "a triple tither?" Because it's not just about "charity" or "stewardship"... it's really about "carebringing." Let's really fill this liturgical interior with carebringing that becomes part of the great song - let's get this worship space resounding with a joyful noise of giving. Then, and only then, will you all be FLEECE'd.

Homily, Sunday, August 26

Hey! Do you feel it? I do. What is it that we feel? That's right - it's a sense of oppression. And why do we feel it? I've got two little words for you: Second Reading. Wow! Where did that come from? All of a sudden, we're all about discipline. Now, before we go around thinking that we've suddenly become a bunch of nazis, I'd like you to look around the liturgical interior and tell me what you see. That's right. You see people. People being church. So in other words, ignore the second reading - that was written for different peoples in different times. This is a new age, and just like after Jesus we didn't have to do all that Jewish stuff any more, like mutilating penises and stuff, now in this new age, alot of that displine and law and stuff just doesn't cut it. This is an age where faithwalks and love offerings will get us where we're going. Not to some crazy heaven place, but to real church, real eucharist. The kind of eucharist that you find when you feed a starving person, or when you tell a suffering homosexual that they're not doing anything wrong. It's like Marty says - we've got to SING a new church into being - we've got to JOIN in the song. Are you in the song? Are you singing church?

Fr. Juno's Homily, Sunday, August 4

Hello to my dear friends at the Spirit of Vatican II Faith Community. It has been some time since we have talked, which makes me sad, but I think it is better for Fr. Plarvik and others if I am not around the buildings for now. My thoughts and prayers are with you always and good memories of the time that I spent with you. As I saw that Fr. Plarvik was having some difficulties rendering my homily into text, I thought I would save the trouble and post my notes from the homily. These will be accurate to what I preached but will not contain many of the interruptions from the people in rainbow sashes or those people wanting to show solidarity with the aboriginals of Australia's RedFern parish. The homily follows:

Hello my dear friends of Spirit of Vatican II Faith Community. It has been some time since I have seen many of you and to see you now brings back many memories of my time here. I must thank you for requesting that I be here to give this homily, it is flattering to think that you appreciate the word that I share with you but more it is humbling to think that you appreciate the Word who endows all of us with our charisms.

In the first reading, we hear the great lament of vanity. This warning should be dear to us. How much of what we do is constructed upon a foundation of vanity? Even good things can be things of vanity. One can compose mighty symphonies or create great works of art, but if vanity is the root of the action, then "in vain" will be the accomplishment. God asks us to turn all of our works towards him. This does not mean that the subject of all our actions must be religious, but that we must find religion in all that we do. When we value beauty, it must not be for posession or lust, but it must be that we see God in beauty, that we see God in truth. In the middle ages, the philosophers argued greatly over the Dionysian negative theology that saw an impossibility in knowing God except in His reflection in all things. Though this theology is incomplete, as explained by the great Scholastics, it still has truth to speak to us - the mysticism of the East has a message for us.

And we are given a sort of map in the second reading, where St. Paul tells us that we must "put to death" those things which are obstacles to truth, and those things which only reinforce our vanity - namely immorality, impurity, passion, greed, evil desire, and untruth. But let me ask you this: have you even the courage to name these things? Here in this faith community, we mix the vanity of our own self-righteousness with timidity. We do this in the name of acceptance, or diversity. But can we even claim that such actions are in the best interests of those among us who sin by vanity, by impurity, immorality, passion, greed, or untruth? Is it not a worse crime to leave a sinner uncorrect than to offend a sinner by naming his sin? If you saw a man about to eat poison, would you not stop him? Despite his earnest desire to consume what is only harmful to him?

Yes, these are hard words here in this building. But remember also the Gospel for today - where Christ implores us to store up treasures in heaven, and not on earth. Yes, reprimanding our fellows will make us unloved - we will be called rigid moralistic bigots. We will be told we are not tolerant, or that we think we have a monopoly on the truth. As Christ warned the apostles, if they do such things to Him, how much more will they do to us? I in turn implore you, people of the Spirit of Vatican II: turn aside from the vanity that makes you accept every evil so that you will be liked and adored. Turn instead to the self-denial that accepts calumny here on earth, but stores up treasures in heaven.

Homily, Sunday, July 1

Wow! Those gospel readings really bring it home, don't they? And what better way to expound upon the gospel than by talking about tolerance, because that's what the gospel is all about, isn't it? How many of you have ever felt untolerated? Come on... everybody should be raising their hands. That's right. Get those hands up. We've all felt intolerated, haven't we? Now, I'd like you all to leave your hands up like that for a while. I'll tell you why in a second.

Tolerance is all about love. Wasn't it Zacharias who said "Love thy neighbor?" Well, that's what we're called to do. We're called to be "our brother's keeper", in the words of John the Baptist. But hold on a second. There are some people who aren't their brother or sister's keeper. Right? I mean, look around. Even in this place where we are all priests and being eucharist to each other, some of us aren't being our brother or sister's keeper. So what do you do if you see someone not being their brother or sister's keeper? Well, even if the person that they're not being the keeper of is not your brother or sister, you've got to be their keeper, and since you're not their keeper, then you've got to get the person who should be their keeper to be their keeper. And that's where the flip side of Tolerance comes in.

What's the flip side of Tolerance? Hey - Keith - I didn't say you could put your arm down yet. Leave it up there. Anyway, what is the flip side of Tolerance? Anyone? That's right Maryann. The flip side of Tolerance is Social Justice. So if you see someone not tolerating someone else, that's when Social Justice kicks into action. Now, it says in Corinthians "Render up to Caeser," and that's what we have to do. We have to convince the Caesers of the world, and by that I mean the government, that it is their job to make us all be keepers. To make us all tolerate one another. So if you see someone not being a keeper - that is, they are being a keeper, but they're really just keeping - keeping their own treasure, then you get the government to make them be their brother or sister's keeper by making them give their treasure for the keeping.

So, how do you all feel now? I bet you're really uncomfortable, holding your hands up like that. Yes! That's right! Keeping, tolerating, is not comfortable. It's like holding your hand in the air for a long time. At first it's easy, but then it starts to really hurt. So I leave you with this thought for today. Tolerate people until they can't stand it anymore. Make tolerance painful - be a keeper!

Homily, Sunday June 17

What a joyful noise you have been making! This is certainly a spirit filled celebration! I don't want to damp down your enthusiasm, but I've got an extra-long homily planned for today [wait for laughter]. Seriously, there are just a few things I'd like to touch on.

First of all, Maryann talked me into reading this book called "The Lord of the Rings." At first I thought it was a book about telemarketers [wait for laughter] but it turns out it's a book about these people called "Hobbits" who live in this place called "the Shire." And boy! Is it a neat book! I've only just started it, but let me tell you something. Those Hobbits are Church! You can see it in the way they live in common with nature and the environment. It's really cool. I can't wait to read more about them. So far, all I can tell is that there's this really bad wizard named Gandalf, who kind of represents the Pope. You know, all the Hobbits are happy and being church together, and then this tall guy with a pointed hat shows up and starts telling them what to do. I hope that this Gandalf guy isn't in the book too much, because it would really wreck it for me.

On a related note, my campaign to be the next Bishop of Knoxville is going really well. Ché has designed a neat poster, which you can see all around the walls of the church here. We'll be selling the posters and bumperstickers after mass, or you can purchase one during the offeratory. The suggested price is $25 per bumpersticker, but we'll take more if you're willing to give. Let's remember that I'm not running to be Bishop for myself, but for you, so that I can bring the Spirit of Vatican 2 to the rest of the diocese.

Also, I'd like to thank you for your warm reception of Dr. Thomas, who has been making a real impact here at SOV2. He seems to have taken an especial liking to Ché, but I really think that the biggest impact will come from the many discussions he has been having with Maryann. Look forward to some new and innovative things in the liturgy!

And speaking of the liturgy, I was reading all about the Dark Ages before Vatican 2, and I found out that priests used to celebrate the mass with their backs to the congregation, sort of shutting them out from the whole mass. Well, the Spirit got that turned around, and now the priest and the congregation face each other. Here at SOV2, we've got it even better, because with a "Church-in-the-round" design, the body of the congregation also "faces itself." But I realized that we're not all the way there! The parishioners in the front row have their backs to the parishioners in the second row. The parishioners in the second row have their backs to the parishioners in the third row. And so on. Do you see what I'm saying? We're still turning our backs on each other.

So I've asked Clyde to help out with a new project. I'm going to turn the first row of seats so that it faces the second row of seats, and the third row so that it faces the fourth row. And so on. That way, while we're having mass, we can really all look at each other, which is super-important to having a really good mass and focusing on the real meaning. We should have all the seats rearranged by next Sunday.

Whew! I'm just getting started [wait for laughter]. There's also another issue of all the people we've had to ban and kick out of the parish. As you might expect, a lot of them are really desiring to get back in. Some have suggested that we have a special "re-entry" procedure whereby someone can get prayed on and can be church with us again. I'm going to put this to a vote. All in favor of such a procedure say "aye." [wait for ayes] All opposed say neigh [wait for neighs]. OK, the ayes have it. we'll set up something in the next week or so.

Before I wrap this up, I'd like to encourage you all to join us in the special prayer service this Monday. As you know, one of our faithful communitarians, Keith, is going under the knife for stomach-stapling surgery. Please join us for a prayer vigil so that we can send warm thoughts his way.

Also, I would like to let you know about something really scary that happened this week on my 'blog. We've been getting a lot of attention for our Spirit and our Churchiness, but sometimes this interest is not very good. Just this week, we've drawn the attention of a group of Pre-Vatican II terrorists who call themselves Totus Pius and all take the names of Popes. They're making some sort of threats to blow up our beautiful Church building. I would like you to keep an eye out for anyone wearing priest clothes or looking really stern, and let the parish office know immediately. So that you don't feel unsafe, I should let you know that Dr. Thomas Al-Fakkir has offered to get some of his friends to stand guard on the parish. They will be the ones with the white robes and hats, or with the checkered head scarfs, or the black cloths over their faces. Anyway, they have asked that during the hours that they are present, that no womyn show their faces. Frankly, I'm a little upset about this and to protest this blatant discrimination, I would like all womyn and myn to wear full "burkas" while they are on parish grounds. That will show these necessary bodyguards that while they may discriminate between myn and womyn, we do not! The burkas are available in the vestibule for $75 each. To economize, I ordered special "Plarvik for Bishop" burkas that have the same logo as on the posters. I would also like to say please don't complain to Dr. Thomas' friends about this discrimination, because they are just being Church in their own way - we can't judge them. It's not like they are Christians or something civilized - they just don't know any better. Anyway, this should be a temporary measure, since I've asked Fr. Kane if he can send down a couple of vans of the Brothers of Love to help protect the faith community.

Oh - I almost forgot. Dr. Thomas's friends also asked us to take down any crosses or crucifixes we might have on the grounds. Fortunately we don't have any, but please be considerate and if you do have one of those pre-Vatican II necklaces or rosaries or something, make sure it stays hidden.

Hopefully this threat will pass without serious incident, like the threats we've faced over the last couple of months. In the meantime, thanks for all your help on my campaign, and let's all relax and get ready for the Faith Community Picnic!

Finally, and I mean finally [wait for laughter], I'm happy to announce that we've acquired a new rectory to replace the one that got exploded. This one is off of the parish grounds. We wouldn't have been able to afford it if it were not for an anonymous donation by Dr. and Mizz Argot. How about a round of applause for Dr. & Mizz Argot? [wait for applause and probably standing ovation]. Thanks! You guys are the best! Since Me and Maryann and Todd and a few others will be moving off of the F.C. grounds, we won't be quite so available as we have been in the past. I hope this doesn't cause too much inconvenience, but we think it will have the added benefit of giving us time to start the practice of eastern meditation, which Maryann is all into.

Now let's get on with this mass! [wait for applause]

Homily, Sunday June 10

You know, this is one of my favorite feast days. Corpus Christi. I mean, first we have a feast day for the chair of St. peter, and then we have a feast day for a town in Texas. You've gotta love this church! But seriously, today is a very special day, because it's the day that we celebrate that we are all the body of the church. That's what Corpus Christi means! it means you, me, everybody... we're all priests. There was something in one of the readings about Mel Keezadeck, who was the first priest. We're all called to be like him (if it was a him - there's a whole school of thought that says that Mel was short for Melissa, and that the patriarchs of the early church pretended that Mel was a boy's name).

But that's not what I really want to talk about today. Instead, I want to talk about Vatican II. How many of you remember the movie Breakin'? Not many, I see. And that's not a surprise. Breakin', like Vatican I, was not a very good movie. But the important thing was that Breakin' was just good enough so that there was a sequel - Breakin' II, Electric Boogaloo. And that is what Vatican II for me. It's the sequel to Vatican I, but a sequel that was so good that everybody forgot about the original. Which was good, because Vatican I, just like Breakin', just wasn't all that cool. There was some stuff in it about the Pope, and some other things, but frankly, nobody knows what it was about. Just like Breakin'. But Vatican II - well... we all know what that was about! It was about "opening wide the doors," airing things out, doing a spring cleaning. Over the course of a couple of thousand years, all sorts of crazy things were going on in the church. And what did that mean? It meant that we were so busy going to church that we didn't have time to be church! We didn't have time to be eucharist! But, just like in Breakin' II, things got shaken up - no one expected Ozone and Turbo to come out on top - there were evil developers trying to take over their community center. Remind you of anything? It reminds me of the evil "developers" trying to take over our faith community! And we need to hang in there, just like Ozone and Turbo did, and we'll come out on top!

Finally, I'd like to touch on a more theological concept. But I won't. Ha ha! Have a super Sunday everybody!

Homily, Sunday, June 3

WAKE UP! BROTHERS AND SISTERS OF THE SPIRIT OF VATICAN II! ARISE AND CAST OFF YOUR CHAINS!

THE EARTH GROANS BENEATH US, DESPOILED OF PRECIOUS LIFEBLOOD THAT WE IN OUR FOLLY CALL OIL. THE TREES ARE BENT DOWN UNDER A FALL OF ACID RAIN. THE OZONE HOLE GROWS WITH EACH HOUR. EARTHQUAKES, TSUNAMIS, FLOODS, DROUGHT, ALL ARE THE WEAPONS WITH WHICH EARTH SEEKS TO DEFEND HERSELF AGAINST OUR UNENDING ONSLAUGHT.

As this is my first homily as your interim associate pastor and leader of the revolutionary junta, I would like to thank all of you for the warm welcome I received here. I would most like to thank Fr. Plarvik for inviting me and the Brothers of Love to join you here during this historic time. As you can see, in a very short period, we have transformed this faith community from a directionless group of "catholics" into a guided missile that is pointed right at the heart of the industrial-military complex and the OIL BARONS WITH THEIR MONOPOLISTIC EXPLOITATION OF THE WORKERS!

CAN YOU SIT SILENTLY IN YOUR PEWS AND LISTEN AS THE EARTH SCREAMS? CAN YOU LOOK ASIDE AS A SINGLE DAISY IS GROUND INTO THE EARTH BY THE JACK-BOOT OF A BROWN-SHIRTED ENGINEER?

Now, many of you have asked how long I and the Brothers will be here at Spirit of Vatican II, and I have to say that I do not know. The simple answer is "as long as it takes."

Even now, while I preach this homily, several members of the former administration have left our campus and are allying themselves with those who, contrary to the Spirit of Vatican II for which this faith community is named, drag us back into the dark ages of oppression, recession, and succession. So today, as you contemplate the ways in which the Spirit calls on you, I ask you to consider, what more could you be doing for your faith community? Ask not what your faith community can do for you, ask what you must do for your faith community.

For example, suppose you are a retired couple with no children at home. And you live in a big house in Sterchi Hills. Why not sell that house, give the proceeds to us, and then move into the dormitory here on campus? What dormitory, you ask? Why, the dormitory that will be built directly behind the Contemplation Temple. This dormitory, to be known as "Keith Hall" after a martyred parishioner, will be built by hand using only environmentally sound and ecologically friendly methods. In fact, "built" is an inappropriate word, since it will actually be "dug." That's right - we're going to dig a series of tunnels and caves below the campus, much like the labyrinths of Rome. Only, unlike those distant ancestors who turned their backs on paganism in favor of a misleading and deformed faith, we will use those tunnels to nestle into the bosom of the earth.

So if you are young, with a family, then I don't ask you to sell your house and give us the money. Rather, I ask you to leave your job, and come here to campus to help us dig downward to the future.

For those of you who are aged or infirm, and who do not have a house to give, I ask you to consider what you bring to the faith community. What is it that you bring? Or perhaps, all you do is take. Perhaps all you do is have a carbon and water footprint that detracts from all. Perhaps it is time for you to consider the dignity of your life. How much dignity do you have nowadays? How long before you have none left. Are you going to hang on until then? These are the questions that you have to ask yourself, and while you are doing so, please consider giving generously in your will to the Spirit of Vatican II.

Thank you for your attention. There will be a presentation later in the day at the Contemplation Temple, which will describe in detail the emergency measures put in place to help you through this crisis. All parishioners are required to attend.

Gore Be With You

Homily, Sunday May 27

Pentecost. Wow! Don't you feel it? When I look out on you all, and see you all in your spirit-costumes, I can see that "the word moves upon the water" in this faith community. But I wonder, do we get it? Do we know what pentecost is? In the gospel today, we heard about a party that the disciples were having. But is that what pentecost is? A party? No!

The prefix "Pente" means "Five", and the suffix, "cost" is obvious. So let's talk for a minute about the "five costs" of receiving the spirit.

The first cost is pride. You can't be "in the walk" if you are prideful! You've got to let your pride go! You've got to let yourself be a clown for the spirit! Because what is pride if it's not dignity? What's all this noise these days about dignity? We've got to become as little children - downright silly!

The second cost is comfort. Are you comfortable? If you are, you are sinning against the spirit! I'm not talking about physical comfort. The spirit knows that I would be lost without a comfortable pair of Birkenstocks under my vestments! No, I'm talking about spiritual comfort. Are you comfortable in the spirit? Do you feel a sense of peace and happiness? Well, if so, then you've got to WAKE UP! Wake up and realize that you should be on fire with the spirit - like sitting on a nest of fire ants - you've got to be up and jumping around.

The third cost is safety. I know we all feel safe, here in this country, which was stolen from the indians, who knew all about the spirit and yet the white man came and took their land away. And then we lectured them, all about God and whatnot - while they already knew about the spirit! They had ways of communing with the Great Manitee that we can only dream about. It's all lost now, but the indians are still here! As Sister Fairah has pointed out to me on at least ten occasions, we belong to the earth! Why don't you try to let go of safety? I'd like every other person to stand up now. Come on. Thank you. Now, all you people standing, go and change places with someone across the church. Just walk right across and then sit down in their seat. No, it's OK. Just come right across the altar - don't step onto the baptismal pool cover - it won't support your weight. That's right. Just come across. Just keep coming across. I'll wait until you are all seated.

Thank you. Now. Do you feel safe? Do you feel like you're comfortable? Look at the person on your right. Now on your left. do you know them? Now, I can't tell you to do this, but what I'd like you to do is to go home, or at least to lunch, with the person you're sitting next to. And be church with them!

The fourth cost is money. You've got to give money to your faith community. Do you think it's costly to pay the government? If so, you're sinning against the spirit. Wasn't it Peter who said "give unto Caeser?" But you've got to give unto the Church too. I'd like to take this moment to thank Doctor and Mizz Argot, who made a generous contribution to allow SOV2 to be able to buy a green power lawn mower. Let's give them a round of applause. Thanks Doctor! You're the best! And keep that Oxycontin coming! Ha ha!

Seriously now. The fifth cost is freedom. Because you've got to be free, but you can't be free when you live in slavery to the expectations of society. What does society expect of us? That we dress "just right." That we obey laws, that we don't cuss or swear or take drugs or whatever. Right now, one of our parishioners is sitting in jail, with no freedom. He has paid one of the costs of pentecost. Will you pay that price? Like Sister June-May and her courageous anti-nuke brigade? Are you going to pay the cost?

Now, I'd like to end this homily on a high note, because people get depressed sometimes when we talk about "costs" and other uncomfortable things. I was going to tell a joke about a bishop, a priest, and a rabbi, but instead I think we can end by singing. Let's all join in with one of the ancient classics of the Church. Todd, can you fire up that keyboard and get us started? Thanks! You'll find our hymn, "Sing to the Mountains" at number 340 in the People's Praise songbook.