Friday, July 27, 2007
Peace out, or as they say around here, Off Veeder Shane!
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Well, I guess the people have spoken and in a really close call H. Robert's brain will be extracted from his body by Scientologists and placed in a glass jar near the Jacuzzi Hot Tub.
It was pretty cool how this process was so guided by the spirit and so many of you took the time to say HEY! GLOBAL WARMING! because that's what its about really is GLOBAL WARMING! I mean we've really got to start pressing on people to make sure they know global warming is a really bad idea. It's mean and unfair and we've got to do something NOW.
Anyway because of Global Warming we're going to hook up H Roberts brain to a solar powered windmill that converts hydrogen into electricity and that's how we're going to keep it alive like that. It's going to be really neat. Now I saw it before and I'm telling everybody that you'll want to touch the brain and things but don't because you have germs on your hands and they can kill it. So you'll want to wear gloves and things.
Anyway, I'm going to be taking H. Robert's frozen body out to Hollywood where they do this kind of thing all the time this weekend. John Travolta and Tom Cruise are supposed to help me and if I'm lucky I'll get to talk to Katie Holmes who is really pretty cute and stuff but to be honest I kind of liked Nicole Kidman better but she is kind of pale but she's Australian and everything so I think that's okay. But Nicole Kidman kind of lives in Nashville sometimes I think. I need to meet her and get her to sign my backpack.
Anyway, since I'll be gone and I think Father Tim and Sister Fairah is gone I think we'll probably just skip church this Sunday unless Maryann wants to say something because we don't want Todd to be doing anything because then you'll all just be singing and clapping all the time and won't really get the kind of spiritual facilitation that Father Tim and me do so well.
Oh Yah Eegah Inc! I'm not sure you read this but I said on your blog that "back when" I had a thing for Olivia Newton John and you said "what do you mean back when?" Well yah, I was thinking about it and I still like Olivia Newton John because she's kind of like Nicole Kidman except with blonde hair instead of red hair and Xanadu was one of my favorite movies. But you don't see her around probably because she's old and stuff. I also like Meg Ryan.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
You know a lot of people don't pay as much attention to things as I do. Like how many of you knew that Lindsey Lohan was in trouble with the law? I mean I bet a lot of you don't even know who Lindsey Lohan is! And how many of you were watching all the stuff about Paris Hilton? I bet most of you weren't. Or who else was watching the Live Earth concerts? So anyway I think I'm pretty much up on things.
But I did some extra research. That means I googled the candidates and read some of the stuff that wasn't too technical and anything and I kind of wrote down what I liked and what I didn't. And then I gave them grades from F- to A+.
Anyway I am going to start with a republican. That is Representative Ron Paul from Texas.
About the Candidate: At first I thought it was RuPaul who was running for president and I thought AWESOME but then I saw the (R) thing and I said: HUH?! RuPaul is a republican? Which is also what I thought when Sonny Bono was a republican and I was thinking poor Cher! And it was true because Sonny was a republican and then I thought, yah well it kind of makes sense because Cher was all tall and Sonny was short and there kid is all Irish and stuff. But you know I'm not sure that Sonny Bono and Bono are actually related but probably because besides them who else is named Bono? Because Bon Jovi is just Bon! But you know Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen are related and there names aren't at all alike because Martin Sheen is there dad and changed his name.
Well it's actually Ron Paul who is an AMERICAN of 100% EUROPEAN DECENT and apparently not transexual at all. But you know, that might not be so bad because beside that transexual thing I think Al Gore is 100% european and he seems to be okay. And I think Father Tim is mostly european but maybe not. He also comes from Texas.
The most important element of a free society, where individual rights are held in the highest esteem, is the rejection of the initiation of violence.
I don't know what that means but you know I think that kind of stuff just sums him up because he's always saying stuff like that which you at first say YAH! RIGHT ON BROTHER! and then you get to thinking and you say HEY! WAIT! because you can only agree with half of it and probably he's just making fun of you and he actually works for Dick Cheney.
The good stuff: He's against pretty much every kind of war including the current one. He believes in Hemp farming (AWESOME!) and he believes people have a right to sue companies that mess up the environment. He's against the death penalty. He'd take away subsidies on big oil companies. Unfortunately these cool ideas are tied to a bunch of goofy ideas.
The bad stuff: He's totally anti-womyn and would let states decide about access to birth alternatives and family planning. He's also anti undocumented migrant worker. He supports Nuclear Power and thinks "the market" should decide about how to be greener. He doesn't believe in Social Justice programs like Welfare and stuff. He doesn't believe in taxing gasoline. He wants to repeal the 14th amendment which means that none of us will be citizens anymore because we were born here.
Overall: I give him a D. That means that I think you'd be pretty dumb to vote for him and he's probably just trying to trick people. If he was president the redistribution of wealth would pretty much STOP and the only thing government would do is shoot people trying to come here for jobs. I think Ron Paul wants to be king and that's why he's taking everybody's citizenship away so then nobody can vote anymore and he'll be president forever. The only good thing is that we could all wear stuff made out of hemp.
Anyway, to find out more you can go to catholicsforronpaul.blogspot.com but I bet they just LIE and stuff and MAKE THINGS UP AS THEY GO ALONG which is something people like me would NEVER EVER DO! So you don't have to go there.
The bad thing about bringing him back is that he'll probably start posting again all that stuff that nobody can understand and is pretty boring and he'll want to start hugging people all the time. Of course since he'll just be a brain in a jar he won't be able to actually hug you.
The cool thing about bringing him back is that... well... um... well we'll have a brain in a jar that we can look at and stuff. I was hoping we could maybe set it up near the hot tub. And I also want one of those electric things that have the two tv antennas and make that cool buzzing sound.
So maybe you want to change your vote or find another computer and vote again.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Hey! Here I am in Paris, France. Let me tell you something - despite all those ugly old churches, things are pretty cool here. I went to a seminar on Tielhard de Chardin and learned a lot of cool stuff about the noosphere and how it relates to the Spirit of Vatican II. Let me tell you, they know a thing or two about being church here! Oh well, gotta fly now. Me and Fr. Janvier LeGorge are going out for bagels or something. Boy the food here is great! Last night we had about forty bottles of wine and a whole bunch of really good duck and foi gra. I could get used to this!
Monday, July 23, 2007
I am so mad right now because I was walking through the spirit maze and somebody's had a campfire out there and there's like thirty beer bottles and cigarettes everywhere and somebody left there underwear hanging from the Gaia statue. I don't want to name names but its pretty obvious that it was EUGENE! because that's your youth group stuff because you had the conference hall this weekend.
I mean first of all you know when you're burning stuff you're putting more carbon into the atmosphere and secondly I have seen a chipmunk eat one of those cigarette things you throw on the ground and it ALMOST COULD HAVE DIED!
So anyway I cleaned up all that trash but I am getting FED UP because I am like the only person around who respects the earth. Keith is always throwing his big mac wrappers out the window and yah its great that there not styrofoam but all the chemicals on the paper are bad anyway.
Oh YAH! I almost forgot because I went to that eegahinc's web site again and I saw that there was this movie called Mesa of Lost Women and it turns out that there was this woman dancing and she did that liturgical dance thing that Todd wanted to teach everybody to do. You can really see it if you go to youtube. Except you probably only want to watch the first five minutes bcause it get's kind of weird.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
I just got back from dropping Sr. Fairah off. Please remember her in your wishes this week.
The other day I found her wandering around in the Spirit Maze, and at first I didn't want to bother her because I thought she was just chanting Buddhist mantras, and it sounded like she was speaking another language. But then I could hear a couple words, and saw how disorganized she was, it didn't look like a real meditation. And the words she was mumbling, the ones I could understand, anyway, were "Sir Feeney" and "latin" and some other stuff.
So I managed, with the promise of gree tea leaves, to get her to come back with me, and I called Fr. Tim. He took some time off retreat to meet with us, and by then Sr. Fairah was more coherent, but obviously very shaken up.
She explained the horrors of her childhood. Honestly, her parents should be behind bars, and everyone like them! It's a wonder she survived at all! Get this! Would you believe that they would not let her have any dinner until she could conjugate ten latin vebs, and they wouldn't even let her sleep until she could recite the "potter nose ter"! Whatever that is. And that was all at the tender age of FOUR!
That's * THIS MANY * !
Wow. I'm glad my parents didn't make me speak latin.
Obviously latin is very dangerous.
So anyway, Fr. Tim suggested that Sr. Fairah go on retreat, so she's not going to be around for awhile. They won't let her use the computer and even took her iphone away from her.
I'm supposed to ask you all, that when you pray for her, don't use latin...and that goes for YOU Adoro! Ugh! I don't even wanna say your name, for fear it will hurt Sr. Fairah!
Her pain is totally centered around latin, so if you pray for her in latin, it wouldn't be very church to her. She is working on becoming one with the Universe and the Universe knows when one of you does this and what you put out there will come back to you. Karma, baby. Karma.
Anyway, I don't want to be mysterous or make this all seem to be a shameful thing for Sr. Fairah, and she told me to pass on to you all that she is at a wonderful retreat center recharging her batteries. She looks forward to coming back and ministering to you all again.
Because today we heard about Martha and Mary. Mary is that woman who Jesus was always hung out with who people thought was John the apostle and Martha is her sister.
Anyway a lot of people are confused because they say stuff like "HEY! WHAT"S WITH THIS!" I mean why is Martha stuck doing all the work and Mary all having fun and stuff. Well the reason they don't know is because they haven't looked at what that culture was all about. And so they don't know that this is about POLITICAL AGITATION through IN YOUR FACE STANDING UP against opression against WOMYN.
Because back then womyn had to do everything. That's why Martha is in the kitchen because that's where womyn had to be except if they were actually giving birth at that moment. And they couldn't even wear shoes or anything. And so Jesus comes to visit and Mary immediately says "NO! I WON'T BE OPRESSED" and she goes and sits down in PROTEST and then Martha says "YEAH! BUT LOOK AT ALL THE THINGS THAT NEED TO BE DONE!" and then Jesus says "MARTHA! Yah if you want to be all like supporting the current opressive society and everything you can keep working but Mary understands that you have to STAND UP AND BE COUNTED!"
And do you think we treat WOMYN that much better now? HUH?! No because there are still people who say womyn can't be priests! Is that fair? No! And you know what? Its not just about womyn because its about animals and the earth too. We still think that the earth is like our big servant person and that we can do whatever we want. And the story says if you just go about working and things and say to yourself "well if I don't cook the food whose going to?" or "if I don't turn this thingy and make the water come out of the faucet whose going to?" No your just supporting Opression when you go along with them.
So that's what you have to do! And so tomorrow I want all of you to go out and go on strike with your posters and signs and say "I WILL NOT SUPPORT THE REGIME! STOP OPRESSING WOMYN AND SMALL ANIMALS AND INDIGENEOUOS PEOPLES NOW!"
But I think that cooking thing is a bit of what I think they call hyperbola because obviously womyn are a lot better at cooking then men except Emeril who is AWESOME except he uses too much dead animal in his food. I like Rachel Ray a bit more sometimes but she's not really my type. The womyn cook I really like is that Everyday Italian girl because she is SO HOT because she has all that long hair and smiles a lot. So I think that its okay if womyn cook.
Anyway keep voting in the H Robert poll!
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Well I kind of don't want to say anything about this but my friend John Travolta says that its pretty much certain that they can bring H. Robert Williams back to life by extracting his brain and putting it in one of those jar thingies I saw on that volcanic island. I'm not sure this is a good idea especially as we were going to have a celebration of his life tommorrow and if he isn't dead we can't and I already have all the cucumbers, brocolli, cheese, and carrots cut up. But I kind of think I should because then I can find out if he found Curtis. Because if I could get Curtis and Erin together there could be more baby mice. I can't really think of any other reason to bring him back.
So let me know what you think about it.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
For those of you who are new to the community SHOUT! is our youth program where we encourage the younger members of our community to explore there genderality by dressing in whatever they want without worrying about things. Its always a lot of fun to see people as you haven't seen them before (especially Keith whose always really funny!).
H ow to
U p to
Avoid this 'blog at all costs!
Rise of the TOB: PH,C,T,EM,F,O++
Also, I can't believe I keep forgetting to ban the following 'blog:
Everything You Knew Is Wrong: PH,O,T,BS,NC
Well Krystal kind of stared hanging out with us because she was at Toddy's one of the times we went to play darts and I thought she was real earthy and things and the kind of person we want in our Eco-Church project. Anyway, the whole spell thing was kind of neat but she didn't explain really except to say that there's all this power and chanelling and things and mystic energy and magnetic rocks. And she was all interested in the Crusader Guy because he looked so middle ages. So while she was looking for a place to stay I said she could hang out with Keith and me. Then Keith was all excited because of the frog potion which he said was really awesome but like I said I didn't want to drink a ground up frog and I wasa wondering how church that really is to use one of your fellow creatures for some sort of mystic transport and take toad-spirit even if it is both "akin" to the earth, tree, animal, and water spirits.
Keith said he wants to see if we can commune with H. Robert and Krystal could help. I did want him (H. Robert) to see if he could talk to L. Ron Hubbard's brain because there both a lot alike because both of them only start with an initial so maybe there in the same place or something. But the truth is Krystal gives me the creeps becuase she's almost right out of an Scooby Doo episode. So I don't want her to do anything at all.
Anyway yesterday I told her something about that and how I didn't want her making all those weird noises and cooking potions on our stove because it upsets Erin and that she couldn't hang out at our place anymore and she kind of freaked out and stuff which I didn't like. I'm hoping that maybe Krystal goes away soon because she keeps putting curses on people and I don't want her using Erin or any of Erin's babies in one of her spells and she says sometimes Baal demands sacrifices because she says she is a "true pagan" not like all the fake pagans who only pretend to worship the gods but that she is a descendent of Morgan La Fey.
And so I thought I'd say something just to make sure everybody knows especially because I think Father Tim might take out a restraining order.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
I just wanted you to know that H. Robert Williams died early this morning. I don't want to go into the details but essentially it maybe has something to do with the frog potion stuff that Krystal gave him to make him feel better. So if you went to the Wiccan training stuff last week, Krystal wanted everybody to know that you might want to be careful about some of the wild mushrooms and just go ahead and use mushrooms from Krogers or wherever. She says it's definitely not the ground up toad skin because she's drank that dozens of times with no bad effect to herself.
Oh yah! If anybody wants a baby mouse Erin had babies and there really cute! I figure she must have been pregnant before she died and when she came back there all the babies were too. I can't take care of them all so I'm giving them away for a small donation to the Sr. Fairah Reiki fund (10$).
Monday, July 16, 2007
Oh - and by the way, I am now banning the CAR 'blog:
Catholics Against Rudy: PH,NC,O,C,T
Kyrie Eleison: PH,T,C,F,O,EM,R
Pur Autre Vie: PH,T,C,F,O+
And one 'blog that I haven't been able to figure out whether to ban or praise:
Catholic Sensibility: P1
Also, Quo Vadis pointed out that I haven't added the banned 'blogs to the banned 'blog list on the right side of the page. And you know what? She's right! But the Spirit hasn't moved me to do so, and until I receive The Call, I'm afraid you'll just have to search through old "posts". But just to be sure, I'm double banning Quo Vadis's 'blog:
Quo Vadis?: PH,T,C,F,O+,R
Anyways, while I was gone, apparently some Knights of Columbus guy has been going Pre-Vatican II in the "comboxes," so I have been forced have Ngyuen turn on something called "comment filtering" which means that I have to personally approve of comments before they get made. If Vatican II teaches us anything, it's that if you don't like something, then you have to ban it completely like they did with that Latin Mass until the Moto Popio overturned 40 years of progress. But since the Moto is not in charge here, we're doing it Vatican 2 style, and puting the kibosh on comments until we can all love each other in a spirit of mutual acceptance and conformance to the Spirit and the Earth Mother.
Sadly, some people are so on fire with the Spirit that they go a little over the top. When I pulled my Expedition into the Private Drive of the new Rectory, I found Dr. Al-Fakkir using one of the empty coach houses to make some sort of vest device that he said would set the SSLI Faith Community "burning like infidels under the prophet's toes." While I admire Al-Fakkir's zeal, I think it's probably best to put a stop to this prostelelyzing before it turns into some kind of crazy Holy War.
On another, more important topic, I don't know what went on last week in the Spirit Maze, but all sorts of strange things have been happening. Objects moving by themselves, blood running from the statue of Gaia, that sort of thing. I am afraid that I am going to have to insist that, as much as we respect the Truth in the Faith Tradition of the Wiccans, that there be no more Wiccan Ceremonies until we have figured out what's going on. I think it's probably just Father Chad playing tricks on us, or some sort of halucinatory emanations of a penumbra.
Anyway, Erin my mouse is really happy with her new home. I was hoping that she was recently dead maybe she met L. Ron Hubbards brain and could tell me if it was upset that I accidentally killed it with my germs. But I couldn't tell from her response. You know she is musical after all because she hums along with the Gregorian Chant.
Oh Yah! I bought a copy of Catholicism for Dummies because I thought it might be good. I haven't started reading it yet but it looked pretty funny so I thought what the heck I could look up how to commune with the dead and stuff maybe because I realize that I have all this inner guilt from the L. Ron Hubbard thing. Not so much because I killed him because he was all gross and slimy and weird but because Tom Cruise was really sad afterward.
So, don't worry about H. Robert. I'm sure he'll be okay.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
The word Reiki is made of two Japanese words - Rei which means "God's Wisdom or the Higher Power" and Ki which is "life force energy". So Reiki is actually "spiritually guided life force energy." This is so totally SOV2, it’s incredible!
A treatment feels like a wonderful glowing radiance that flows through and around you. Reiki treats the whole person including body, emotions, mind and spirit creating many beneficial effects that include relaxation and feelings of peace, security and wellbeing. Many have reported miraculous results. During the training, one participant / future healer was healed of a chronic tic in her arm. Before the session, it shook like an earthquake. After the session, it didn’t shake once all week. It was totally amazing.
There was also a woman there who made me promise to keep it quiet, as the reiki masters doing the training said they don’t like her talking about it, but she was able to read your life-energy level. She says she sees auras, and the width of the aura indicates your life-energy level. She said everyone who receives reiki had growth in their levels. Even me.
However, there was a couple of times that people found out I was a Catholic nun, and they asked me about this silly moto (motu?) thing. The aura-reader said my aura actually turned black and shrunk to nothing when we were discussing the whole Latin thing. It took a session with five of the top healers to even get my aura back to where it was even visible. Since I had nearly passed out before that session, the healers said something about my needing to avoid the mountain trails marked “expert” in the future. I still don’t understand why they’d have a retreat for expert Reiki healers (which I now am) and mark the trails differently. But now I am living proof that Reiki really works.
However, I do have a problem, and need everyone’s help. When I signed up for the conference, I checked to pay by credit. I figured I could give $5 - $10 every couple of weeks until I got it paid off. Well, when I went to leave, they asked for my credit card, and were just a little unhappy when I told them I didn’t have one. This conference was at a really schwanky retreat center, in the mountains with brooks and a healing grotto (I called it a spa, and was told that was very wrong) and terrific organic meals. I’m not sure about the total bill when all was said and done (I was pretty upset about how unfair it is to charge $175/night and not even include a continental breakfast or green tea), but they said something about sending a collection agency after me. I really don’t want to get Fr. Tim in trouble, so if you could put a few extra dollars into the collection basket, and mark it for my retreat, I’ll hopefully get at least the legitimate expenses paid off. I’ve decided to return the $1500 trainers kit, and I’ll create my own training materials. That way, I can put all sorts of great images on them, like DaVinci’s Vitruvian Man. Only I’ve photoshoped it so it’s a womyn. Anyway, any donations would be appreciated!
I’ll be doing a healing session every other day in the spirit maze at 2:00 pm. I’ll need to talk to Fr. Tim about getting a session going for healers to be trained. Hope to see lots of you learning this wonderful new technique!
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Anyway I've been reading the blog and it seems to me that people are a little on edge. So, I wanted to help out and try and calm things down by elevating the conversation a tad. Let's talk for a minute about the bible.
Living in Tennessee you all... uh I mean y'all (LOL ROTFLOL)... know that a lot of people put a great deal of credence behind that book. Well fortunately a higher education at many of our fine Universities in the various Catholic traditions would soon set that idea straight. One of the first things I would do in class would be to explain how the bible was put together. For example, a great deal of it was lifted, pretty much intact, from various Babylonian traditions. Much of the new testament is substantially modified Zorastrianism with a large injection of the Greek Mystery religion.
What does that mean? Well it means we have to view the bible as a kind of "coming together" book in its most beautiful passages. Of course some of the more "rigid" and "judgemental" passages are almost certainly due to spending too much time out in the hot sun without a hat (ha ha ha, LOL, ROTFLOL!) But for the most part, the bible is an early attempt at inclusivity. It's like it is saying "let's work this whole 'life' thing out together."
If you should perchance read the bible - and I urge you that if you do read the Bible you do it keeping a good armslength between you and it and examine it as academically as possible - you would see that basically it is made of four things: myth, law, history, and encouragement. Now all of these areas are flawed. Some hopelessly. We may essentially discount all parts of the bible dealing with law and myth. The mosaic law was flawed and cruel and not at all applicable to modern life. The useful elements of the history have been gleaned and where it has been verified can be found in the text books of specialists. It is not of general interest. The myths, though once performing the useful role of stabilizing the primitive psyche are no longer of particular value.
Only the advice still has some enduring value and this only sporadically and where it has not beem corrupted by rigid traditional attitudes. Ecclesiastes for example is very depressing. Little of tt does in fact "speak" to the modern ear.
I have some ideas at how to fix this problem with the bible, but I think I've said enough for now. I'll eagerly await your comments before moving on.
With warm affection,
Friday, July 13, 2007
Krystal says often people and animals change when they go into the underworld and come back. She says that sometimes they put on the wrong body like they put on the wrong clothes. But I don't think so because this new mouse can't even play the piano. In fact I don't think its very musical at all. I gave it a kazoo and a harmonica and a tambourine and it didn't do anything. Curtis was like a little person and I know your not supposed to be "anthro-centric" as H. Robert says but you know sometimes its nice to have a pet you can relate with and knows how you feel... and can play the piano really well.
Keith wants to feed it to his pet snake but I don't think that's right so I'll probably keep it. I think its a girl and so I was thinking I'd name her Erin after my favorite Julia Robert's movie. But if anybody else has a good name I'd be interested in hearing. She is kind of cute and I'm glad she's not dead anymore and suff but its not the same.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Just want to let you know I'm on a week-long training for Reiki, a Jap healing method. It's so awesome. I'll be giving a homily on it either this Sunday or next, depending on what Fr. Tim's needs are. You'll be hearing from me more next week. Now, I'm not saying it's as powerful as this awesome Wicca stuff, since even Reiki can't raise a mouse from the dead. But we'll get everyone feeling really really good! I miss everyone!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Anyway, she's going to be at Ecochurch tomorrow if you want to stop by and say hi. Afterwards she says she can bring Curtis back from the dead so we're going to try that because I know where we buried him in the spirit maze but we got to stay up until midnight (which is actually 1 AM for some reason I'm not sure). So for you younger folk tell your parents you'll be back late or sneak out of the house if they say no.
For those of you who might not remember Curtis is my mouse who could play the piano who Keith's cat ate. I mean it's going to be cool if she can bring him back because all we really had left was the hair ball that the cat spit up which I buried like two years ago.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
So you don't get confused, here is my analysis of the document, which I did with Maryann, of course, to make sure that it was good.
- Did Vatican II Change How We Are Church? Well, according to the Pope, it didn't. Come on! Basically, before V2, there may have been a Church, but nobody WAS Church! Dig?
- Is the Church of Christ in the Catholic Church? This is just stupid. The Church of Christ is a whole different Church - they meet in little white buildings and handle snakes and stuff. You'd think the Pope would know this kind of thing.
- Why did Vatican II say Subsist? This is one of the Mysteries of Vatican II. There are Seven Mysteries of Vatican II, and we're not allowed to talk about them. That's what a Mystery is. They shouldn't be talking about this. Heck! Neither should I! Enough said.
- Why do Greek Faith Communities get to be called Churches? Now this one gets my blood boiling. If there's any people who AREN'T Church, it's the Greeks. Have you ever been to one of those Greek things? I mean - come on! What's with the hats?
- Why Don't Protestants Get To Be Called Church? I'll tell you why - it's a power grab. The Pope wants to say who is Church and who is not Church. Who told him he was the authority on this? Huh? It's all big scam set to tick off our good ecumenical friends. Look - you can't just go around saying other people aren't Church. That's judgemental, and the First Commandment says "Judge Not!". How can we be Church if we're telling other people that they can't be Church? I'll tell you what, this is just like when John the Baptist threw the Moneychangers out of the Temple, or when Hyram the Mason built the pyramids.
Well, I think that pretty well clarifies all of this document nonsense. Now I've got to stop 'blogging and email all my ecumenical friends to reassure them that no-one listens to the Pope anyhow.
Hey! Well, I'm super happy to be able to tell you that after Live Earth, Todd was so inspired that he got out his pen and recycled paper and composed another hymn. Hope you like it!
HOLY GORE, WE PRAISE THY NAME
Holy Gore we praise thy name!
Holy Al we bow before thee!
Tho’ your wife’s no Valarie Plame
All your daughters are hotter than Chelsea
And your banner we’ll wave so high
While you tell us “Falleth the sky!”
And your banner we will wave high
While you tell us “Falleth the sky!”
Holy Gore your movies we see
All your books we’re often reading
Parental Advisories be on our CD’s
And your son in Prius is speeding
Seven Point Plans will guide our days
While your zinc mine belches out haze!
Seven Point Plans will guide our days
Incense to us thy zinc-mine haze!
Holy Albert, Holy Gore
With Ralph Nader three we name thee!
While in essence only one
Undivided Gore we claim thee!
And though ozone holes are now passé
Owls and Snail Darters be here to stay
Ozone Holes be now passé
Global Warming soon passeth away
Monday, July 9, 2007
You've not heard from me much lately because I've been hanging out with this gal Krystal. You know at first I was thinking she's kind of gross because she doesn't shave her legs and stuff and she's not really into hygeine. But you know, that's all kind of cool because she's really into the earth. Anyway after the picnic she went chasing after that Sir Crusader but couldn't find him and so she stayed at my place and anyway she took me to meet some of her friends. One of them is named Jade and she is hot! Not like Britnee but kind of because she looks more like Jennifer Anniston except her hair is really dark and curly.
So I was like "you should come hang out at SOV2" and they said "no, because that's a Catholic church and we're into wicca." Maybe you remember Krystal's Tarot card and palm reading booth at the picnic? And I said well we're ecumenical so it would be okay.
Anyway, she said okay and she said maybe it would be cool if she could talk to the SOV2 people about some of the neat wiccan things she does and maybe have a demonstration. Because guess what! They have liturgical dancing too only they call it something different and I can't remember what. So she'll be here this Wednesday to do some of her wiccan things and then she will teach people how to cast a spell. This spell is about how to bring success into your life. And then she'll teach one on how to curse someone you don't like. I thought maybe we could lay a curse on H. Robert or something (LOL). Anyway, she'll be with me at the EcoChurch meeting on Thursday same time and same place as usual.
Oh Yah! Make sure you bring a candle, matches, some string and a needle, a large coin, some velvet cloth, a stone about the size of you little finger, and a picture or some other piece of clothing or hair of the person you want to curse... and some "goats blood" and a little paint brush. If you can't get goat's blood she'll bring some extra. (Oh and make sure you only prick the goat a little, don't hurt it because that's bad!)
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Hey! As you probably know, I keep a close eye on the Internet to make sure that I'm staying tuned in to what the kids are doing. I also take a look from time to time at what the RadTrads and NeoCaths are up to, particularly over at SSLI. Believe it or not, they had a pretty neat idea. They made a nice little picture for people who have had their 'blogs banned to put onto their 'blogs so that people would know that they were banned. It's really cool to see those RadTrads being innovative - you'd think they couldn't even use the Internet since it doesn't say that they can in their precious "rubrics" or "GIRM" or "Motu Proprio." Anyway, here's the image for people who have been banned by us to put on their 'blogs so that our SOViers don't accidentally read some of their wacked-out reactionary stuff. Unlike the rigid and exclusionary folks over at SSLI, we're not going to FORCE anyone to use this image on their 'blogs, but we made the image extra-attractive so that we just know that the banned 'blog crowd won't be able to resist putting it on there.
In order to prevent a repetition of the sad events of this day, I am hereby putting in place the following policy on this 'blog:
No one, not even me, is allowed to say anything, in a "post" or a comment about Jewish Peoples, or use the words Jew, Jewish, Judaic, Judaism, Judeo, Judo, Hebrew, Hebraic, Chanukka, Torah, Israel, Israeli, Israelite, Temple, Jacob, David, Joshua, Abraham, Joseph, Penta-Took, Tobit, Maccabee, Mel, Gibson, Mel Gibson, Spielberg, Banker, Mortgage, Yamaka, Draedel, Adam Sandler, Protocol, Zion, Zionist, Zionism, Reuben Sandwich, or Heliocentrism
This policy goes into effect immediately. It will be enforced by Dr. Thomas Al-Fakkir, our Director of Ecumenical Inreach. From now on, this 'blog will only discuss topics pertaining specifically to the "Catholic" church.
If, in your regular duties as an Ecumenical Outreacher, you need to have a discussion that might possibly contain or imply one of the words above, please fill out the "Permission To Use A Forbidden Word" form, which will be available in the Vestibule (whatever that is). The Form must be filled out in its entirety and submitted to the Anti-Defamation League for approval 12 weeks prior to the intended use or implication of a Forbidden Word.
Also, our Summer Luau & Pig-Roast has been cancelled for obvious reasons.
Let's have some respect for other Faith Traditions, people! The policy goes into effect........ NOW
You can imagine how bad I feel about this... it's a sort of Cardinal Sin Against Ecumenism to make someone from another Faith Tradition feel like you don't include the validity of their Faith Tradition within your own. I mean, we should think of our Faith Tradition like a big open circle that keeps expanding to embrace peoples of other Faith Traditions.
So here's my Mia Culper! It is really really anti-semitic to say that Jews have an influence in the economic or cinematic communities that is disproportionate to their demographic representation within the population. That's not what I meant at all! I mean, after all, we all know that it's the RadTrad Catholics who run Hollywood!
Saturday, July 7, 2007
She kept grabbing her throat and making water motions...I think she was trying to tell us to follow the water and make our own path through life. And she made motions towards the food we ate at dinner, and moved her lips like she was trying to speak, so we figured that, like she had told us so many times, the food before us, we must continue to share with others. So we actually packed up our leftovers and gave them to her neighbors; they are down on their luck. We would have invited them over to dinner had Grandma told us to before, so we just did the best we could when we figured out what she was saying.
Grandma can't write, since she had such bad arthritis, otherwise we would have had her write out her final words of wisdom for us. She died peacefully, still motioning about the food and water, wanting to die reminding us to live for others and bring food to the poor, and make our way like water through the Universe, until we, like her, go to become one with the Universal Consciousness.
Anyway, the dreaded "Motu Propio" has been released, which has effectively taken us back to the dark ages. I second all that Fr. Tim said, and I promise you all that we will work hard to preserve English in the liturgy. We will NOT go back to that oppressive ritual that worked only to enable clericalism and suppress the power of the people!
Hey everybody! I'd like to take a moment to welcome a new group to the SOV2 campus - the Permanent Liturgical Revolution Cadre, or PLRC. The PLRC will be helping us with the reception of the Motu Proprio. In order to have a "cell" of the PLRC, we need to have five members, a Certified Liturgist, and a Leader. The Certified Liturgist is (obviously) Maryann Mcgronk. The Leader will be Dr. Thomas Al-Fakkir. The five members of the PLRC cell will be myself, Che, Britnee, Keith, and Eugene. Stay tune for more exciting news!
Oh... by the way, I hereby ban the following 'blog:
Domine, da mihi hanc aquam!: PH,T,C,R,EM,O,F++
Christian Apologetics Society: PH,T,R,O
Also, just in case Timothy is not a Catholic, I am also banning this 'blog, which seems to be RadTrad NeoCatholic:
Knoxville Theological Society: PH,T,O,C,EM
Peace out, and DOWN WITH THE MOTO!
- It's a radical break from the past! The traditions of the last forty years have just been thrown out like they have no value at all.
- It will confuse people! The faithful have grown up with the Spirit of Vatican 2! Now you're telling them to do things different - pray different - be different! What kind of message does that send?
- It's unenforcable! You can't make people start saying the mass in a different language! You certainly can't make ME do it!
- It's offensive to the Jews! There's a whole part in the mass somewhere that says that Jews are going to hell. PUHLEEEEZE! Come on. Not only is the concept of "hell" outdated, but you just can't go around offending the Jews. At least not if you want to get a mortgage or a car loan. Also, they make all the good movies.
- There is no Latin equivalent to the phrase "earth-mother"
- The Latin Mass is too long
There are a lot of other reasons too. But hey! Good news! Oh... Mr. Pope... there's this little thing called PRIMACY OF CONSCIENCE! So guess what! Publish all the little documents you want. I'm going to be saying the mass in English and there's nothing you can do about it. And it's not just me. Everyone from Cardinal Mahoney to Archbishop McBrien will be saying the mass in English. And you can take that to the bank!
Friday, July 6, 2007
Anyway, I don't know if I told you but I am working on an updated bible. One that I think more clearly reflects the intent of the authors if they were alive today. We don't know who wrote the bible, or even for that matter what books really belong in it. But as an historical text it is quite interesting. Some of the advice is quite good, but some, unfortunately shows that many of the authors were mired in the masculofascist values of their backwards contemporary culture. As I update the text I always ask myself questions like "what would Saul/Paul say to us today? What would he think? How would he experience the god/goddess earth-spirit in contemporary language? One troubling text is Romans. Many Christians are confused by the harsh language Paul uses. However, we know that it contains many glosses and extrapolations.
To help you on your spiritual journey I give you a draft of my updated text to the first chapter of the letter traditionally ascribed to Paul to the community of Rome. Or as I call it "Paul to Everybody" (Notice how much more readable my version is)
1. Hey its me Paul! Just one of the womyn/men trying to do what’s right, 2 Like a lot of people before me, 3 rapping about the redeemer who had some whacked out ancestor, 4 but by her/his/its coolness we like to think of as pretty righteous!
5 Hey we’re all church to each other now 6 even people who other people have said in the past are gnarly. 7 I’m talking to the diverse world community which is called to be cool. Peace people from the spirit!
8. Thanks folks because you know how to be church to each other. 9 My conscience tells me I’m doing awesome and I’m thinking about you folks, 10 and hoping that I’ll get to hang out with you soon. 11 Because I know you can’t get enough of me 12 and I like hanging out with you too.
13 Hey, I’m serious! I’ve wanted to fellowship and build community with you like I have with my other friends but things have come up. 14 I’ve got obligations to all sorts of strange folks 15 which is why I wanted to talk to you folks in particular.
16 I’m not embarrassed about being a “Christian”. It’s cool, and one of many ways to find happiness. 17 There are some sensible things worth listening to like “We’re all okay” 18 Remember the god/goddess spirit loves you and says “Hey kids, come on home!” 19 But hey! You don’t need me to tell you that because you can figure that out for yourself! 20 Because you can see earth-spirit in all the flowers and leaves and fuzzy animals and such.
21 So don’t get all up tight but relax and take time to breathe in a pristine environment and do some yoga poses. 22 Because “it’s all good.” 23 No matter where, you are you can experience earth mother!’ 24 Just chill and feel free to explore and experiment and don’t get hung up by all those preachy-preachy sermons some people are always spewing forth. 25 Earth mother loves you and it will be okay.
26 Alternative life-styles for women are good! 27 Hey it’s your body! That goes for you too fellas. 28 Just don’t forget to say “Thanks god/goddess spirit!” every now and then. 29 So that you don’t become like those people who are always telling other people what to do. They gossip 30 and always go on about scandals and are looking for people to put down. They are rigid and traditional and narrow minded. 31 They are not-academic and mean spirited! 32 They want everybody to be cathlofascists just like them and weigh them down by the heavy burden of tradition although they know the god/goddess-spirit is really about Tolerance, Acceptance, and Inclusivity!
I hope to work on Chapter 2 but I'm feeling pretty tired and am going back to bed.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
I'd just like to say that I thought it was a bit rude that so many people clapped so loudly when Crusader Guy plunked him right in the middle of his spirit prayer thing. Yes, it was a bit long and everything but can we really say we have that spirit of vatican 2 down?
Monday, July 2, 2007
I just wanted to say thanks to EegahInc at the b-movie catechism because he's found a Julia Roberts movie he's going to review that I hadn't seen. Plus he reviewed another one of my favorite movies called The Stuff which was awesome! It has that whole anti-consumerism thing going. I remember Chocolate Chip Charlie too because he was really cool.
I know Father Tim banned him but I think it's okay to go there and get the Julia Roberts movie review. I mean, if Julia Roberts is in it you know its got to be AWESOME. Just as long as you understand that he's probably going to say some things which aren't really in the Spirit of Vatican 2 like how we should be talking in Latin or like how womyn shouldn't be priests or something. But actually he kind of reminds me of Father Juno because a lot of what he says make a lot of sense which is probably why Father Tim doesn't want me to go to those kind of blogs but Father Tim isn't here so I guess it's okay maybe as long as Father Tim doesn't somehow find out. I'm still in trouble for the involuntary lock in.
Oh yah! EegahInc looks kind of weird but its okay.
I just wanted everyone to be aware that a certain person of dubious character and styling himself a "knight," (obviously delusional and quite unstable) has been making threatening remarks concerning the upcoming picnic.
This is not the first threat, I believe, this faith community has had to suffer. In fact two previous attempts to stifle the spirit have already failed.
Still we will be taking certain extra-precautions as a means of averting any potentially awkward and uncomfortable situations. But don;t be alarmed as the nature of our precautions will not only ensure our safety but also provide extra-enjoyment and go along with our Eco-Theme "Stewardship is a Garden for All." More details to come but let's just say we will soon be seeing each other in a different light, LOL.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
I hope you all have a great picnic and lots of fun being church!
Here will be the criteria for colleges/ universities:
- The presence of a GLBT student organization. We need to love all our brothers and sisters, regardless of orientation. If it’s listed among “Intercultural” clubs, it’s a plus.
- The presence of non-Christian prayer opportunities. We MUST be ecumenical! Clubs for Buddhists and Muslims are a plus.
- Openness to pregnancy alternatives. Websites that link to Planned Parenthood are a given. College womyn are poor and don’t deserve the added struggle of pregnancy.
- Majority of governing board / consulting boards are not religious by profession. Even as a nun, I get irritated with power-monger priests and nuns! Besides, lay people do a much better job at the business end of things! Some exceptions will be made, if those on board are well-known Spirited people. Jesuits usually (but not always) don’t count.
- A womyn study major option is a must! A GLBT studies major is a plus!
- Presence of good theater such as “Vagina Monologues” Or “The Pope and the Witch”
- co-ed housing
Rating: 0= Not present 5=obviously present
First, the BAD colleges:
Franciscan University of Stubenville
Now, the good colleges/universities:
2) 5 Taize
4) 5 (not one habit on the board of Trustees!)
6) 0 (none obvious on the website)
3) 2 (+5 for a class on the history of Abortion)
University of Dayton
1) 5 (Allies)
3) 6 (+5 for a whole section dedicated to Abortion and minorities)
Fr. Tim’s recommendation: +10
Tolerance is all about love. Wasn't it Zacharias who said "Love thy neighbor?" Well, that's what we're called to do. We're called to be "our brother's keeper", in the words of John the Baptist. But hold on a second. There are some people who aren't their brother or sister's keeper. Right? I mean, look around. Even in this place where we are all priests and being eucharist to each other, some of us aren't being our brother or sister's keeper. So what do you do if you see someone not being their brother or sister's keeper? Well, even if the person that they're not being the keeper of is not your brother or sister, you've got to be their keeper, and since you're not their keeper, then you've got to get the person who should be their keeper to be their keeper. And that's where the flip side of Tolerance comes in.
What's the flip side of Tolerance? Hey - Keith - I didn't say you could put your arm down yet. Leave it up there. Anyway, what is the flip side of Tolerance? Anyone? That's right Maryann. The flip side of Tolerance is Social Justice. So if you see someone not tolerating someone else, that's when Social Justice kicks into action. Now, it says in Corinthians "Render up to Caeser," and that's what we have to do. We have to convince the Caesers of the world, and by that I mean the government, that it is their job to make us all be keepers. To make us all tolerate one another. So if you see someone not being a keeper - that is, they are being a keeper, but they're really just keeping - keeping their own treasure, then you get the government to make them be their brother or sister's keeper by making them give their treasure for the keeping.
So, how do you all feel now? I bet you're really uncomfortable, holding your hands up like that. Yes! That's right! Keeping, tolerating, is not comfortable. It's like holding your hand in the air for a long time. At first it's easy, but then it starts to really hurt. So I leave you with this thought for today. Tolerate people until they can't stand it anymore. Make tolerance painful - be a keeper!